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Predictable, but Engaging Nontheless You're Next (Rated R) by HEATHER GRIFFITHS Waaay back in 2005, Don Coscarelli directed a segment for Showtime's Masters of Horror, Incident on and off a Mountain Road. In it, the girl you would expect to be a helpless victim turns out to have survivalist training. You're Next (94 minutes) reminds me more than a little bit of that story. It was a slow starter. The characters are almost uniformly unlikeable. The couple that appears in the first scenes seems emotionally detached and crude, so when they die it is hard to be outraged or even vaguely interested. The main cast includes 10 people, only one of whom is a protagonist worth rooting for. Here's the set-up: an older couple is opening up their isolated mountain mansion to host a family reunion. The Mister (Rob Moran) is recently retired from a defense industry job while the Missus (Barbara Crampton from The ReAnimator) is suffering from unspecified medical conditions. Missus insists she hears a noise upstairs so Mister goes to check it out. He glances into a room or two when his son Crispian (AJ Bowen) scares him (and the audience) by popping in out of nowhere. He and his girlfriend Erin (Sharni Vinson) have just arrived and are ready to start the family bonding. Despite the fact that he glanced in only two of the 20 or so rooms on the second floor, Mister tells everyone the coast is clear and there are definitely not axe murderers hiding in the closet. Soon after, the rest of the family arrives. Oldest brother Drake (Joe Swanberg) and his wife (Margaret Laney) are both jerks, so they'll probably cause someone's death by being selfish or stupid. Younger sister (Amy Seimetz) is dating underground filmmaker Tariq (Ti West! He makes good movies!). They have a sort of bourgeoisie bohemian thing going on, so they might as well be wearing big targets on their backs. Yet another brother, Felix (Nicholas Tucci) arrives with his goth chick Zee (Wendy Glenn). At this point I am so bored of meeting unlikeable people I consider taking a nap. But it gets better! Not long after the entire family begins yelling at each other over dinner somebody begins shooting crossbow bolts into the dining room. Surprisingly, Erin takes charge of getting everyone out of the line of sight. During their mad scurry they seem pretty willing to take orders, but once out of immediate danger consensus is lost. A few dead bodies later they all decide the best plan is to wander aimlessly around the house and get murdered. Crispian decides the best use of his inferiority complex is to wander through the woods searching for help (or, better yet, a cell-phone signal). Once he's out of the picture Erin pretty much writes him off as cannon fodder and puts her energy into booby-trapping the house. Like, good job mourning the certain death of your podgy-faced, useless-in-a-fight, bewhiskered boyfriend, Erin! It is at this point in the movie that we get some backstory on Erin. Turns out that she has an Australian accent because she was raised in the outback by wacky survivalists, and she loves it when a plan comes together! That, of course, refers to how she manages to slam together plenty of homemade booby traps, ala Hannibal from the A-Team. Overall, the film really reminded me of the British "video nasties" of the late '70s and early '80s — with an ending that seem inspired by Night of the Living Dead. It may have been predictable, but it was also very gleeful, and I ended up liking it in spite of myself. Now showing at Wynnsong HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing 7, Carmike 12 and Carmike Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@upandMarket Fair 15. comingweekly.com. Offering over 189 programs leading to the award of associate degree, certificate or diploma. A military friendly school! www.faytechcc.edu WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2013 UCW 21