Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/15933
NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The Yaohnanen tribe on the South WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY Pacific island of Tanna believe their true ancestral god is Britain’s Prince Philip (based on photographs of him with the queen during a 1974 visit to Tanna’s mother nation of Vanuatu) and believe he promised he would return for good on his 89th birthday (June 10, 2010). Although the prince has kept in touch, he failed to show up for the grand celebration, but fortunately, Scottish university student Marc Rayner was on the island, working as a volunteer teacher, and stepped in for the prince, which meant that he and not the duke of Edinburgh got to wear the “formal” ceremonial penis sheath appropriate for such special events. [Daily Mail, 8-7-10] Iconic female beauty in Mauritania (and in a few other African societies, as News of the Weird has reported) regards “rolling layers of fat” as the height of sexiness, according to a July dispatch by Marie Claire magazine, and professional force-feeders earn the equivalent of about $200 each from parents for bulking up their young daughters in boot camps that sometimes serve animal fat as drinks and apply the cattle-thickening drug Oradexon. “The stomach flab should cascade; the thighs should overlap; and the neck should have thick ripples,” said Aminetou Mint Elhacen, the feeding drill sergeant. Some girls rebel, but others embrace their new bodies. Said one, “When I realized the power I had over men, I started to enjoy being fat.” [Marie Claire, 7-7-10] Though most victims seemed baffled or distressed by the behavior of Sherwin Shayegan, 27, another thought him “completely harmless.” From time to time (allegedly dating to at least 2006), Shayegan befriends high-school male athletes, questions them as a reporter would, and finally, jumps on their backs and demands “piggyback” rides. No other overtures are made, and the principal complaint about Shayegan, after the shock wears off, seems to be his obnoxiousness. His latest arrest took place in May in Tualatin, Ore., near his earlier haunts in Washington state. [Tigard Times (Tigard, Ore.), 5-6-10] “It’s springtime in Japan, and that means (two) things,” wrote GlobalPost. com in March: penis festivals and vagina festivals. Held annually in several locations (for the last 1,500 years, some say), with the best-known taking place at Komaki City’s Tagata shrine in March, they were initially spiritual — as prayers for procreation and crop fertility. However, they have grown into carnivals for tourists and children of all ages. Most Western visitors hardly believe what they’re seeing: huge, parade-float-sized phalluses heavy- lifted through the street and giggling children brandishing toy penises and vaginas (to make offerings of them at local temples). [Global Post, 3-15-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ARIES (March 21-April 19) You are on your own schedule and will go merrily along paying no mind to any imposed timetable. It just so happens that this week you will wind up being early or prompt in regard to the secret expecta- tions of others. However, this is a coincidence that just tends to happen when you march to your own drummer. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You’ll jump in even when you know the task is way over your head. Your approach may not be pretty. But the fact is, you will keep afl oat. You’ll learn how to do it. And you’ll soon be swimming with the ul- timate grace. Everyone has to start somewhere. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) You have a ten- dency to drop your personal ambitions in order to fulfi ll the demands involved in simply making a living. Going for your dreams and earning enough to sustain a decent lifestyle do not have to be two mutually exclusive pictures. You can earn money doing what makes your heart sing. CANCER (June 22-July 22) You don’t have oodles of time to waste now. There’s impor- tant business to handle. Just be appreciative of the home you have and the people who make it good. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) You have been thinking about the kind of days you would like to experi- ence. Your imagined ideal day is not so far off from your typical 24-hour cycle, but there are a few key differences. You’ll focus on them this week and will fi nd shortcuts to creating the kind of moments you once only dreamed about. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You had an idea about what it would be like to know a certain person well, and it turns out the reality isn’t much like that at all. In some ways, it’s better — focus on that. The ways in which this rela- tionship is less than what you wanted it to be are irrelevant. It is what it is. Take it or leave it. ADVICE GODDESS LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) There is one person you have had trouble with in the past. You now feel differently. You accept the way he is and do not feel the need to change a thing about him. This person will sense the unconditional love and gravitate toward you. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) You are not blind to the faults of others — oh, you can see them, all right. But you won’t let on that you know what they are. It’s called being a good friend. And you would appreciate it if your friends behaved with the same decorum, although unfortunately some won’t. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You have only the most cursory idea about what your talents really are. When you can fi nally break away from the small picture and mix it up in the big real world, you’ll experience the broad range of abilities out there and appreciate fully how you fi t in. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Doing what’s in front of you and doing it well is easy for you. But to actively seek a role other than the one your parents, friends and colleagues give to you, well, that takes a great deal of initiative, daring and imagination. You have all those qualities in you and more. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You will be the very defi nition of the term “easy going” this week. Your opinion won’t always match up to the popular one of the moment, and yet you can see why people think the way they do. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) You may be a bit more forceful than you usually would be about getting your way. That’s only because you sense so clearly how this will be great for not only you, but for everyone involved. It’s almost as though you can see into the future. And maybe you can. Now all you have to do is convince the others. Earn Extra CA$H! Earn Extra CA$H! Petaling As Fast As He Can I met my dream girl in my poker group in grad school. I recently moved far away to start my own company, but I plan to move back in about six months, once it’s up and running. I just learned on Facebook that she and her boyfriend broke up, so I sent her fl owers. She posted a picture of them and thanked me publicly on Facebook, but hasn’t answered my e-mail asking about her plans after grad school. I don’t think she’s too interested in me, so I need some good ideas. I’m on a shoestring budget, so what can I do from 1,000 miles away that would rub her the right way? — Hopeful Your best bet? Invent time travel, go back to the day you sent her those fl owers and get drunk and pass out before you can click “submit order.” Sending fl owers to a girl you’ve had no sexual or even romantic contact with is only appropriate if the girl is a racehorse who just won the Preakness. Once you’ve slept with a girl, sure, send her a bouquet or, if she was particularly awesome in bed, maybe even a fruit basket. Otherwise, it’s pretty much like going to the fl orist and saying, “What color roses say ‘I’m lacking in social intelligence’? Oh, yeah … and could you Amy Alkon By Holiday Mathis add a few sprigs of ‘Boy, am I glad you stopped sleeping with that other guy’?” As somebody who’s starting a com- pany on a shoestring budget, chances are, your regular daily form of transportation isn’t a Gulfstream V with a “My other car is a primer gray Volvo” bumper sticker on the back. While you can keep in touch with the occasional witty e-mail, there’s otherwise no way but the wrong way you’ll rub this girl by trying to pursue her from 1,000 miles away. (What were you planning to do, invite her to a gallery opening with free wine in her town and text her hello from a gallery opening with free wine in yours?) Perfect Opportunity for: •Retirees•Retired Military•Teachers on Break •Stay at Home Moms and Dads Call 484-6200 Ext. 102 * Must have own vehicle, valid drivers license and insurance. Of course, the single best reason to stop pursuing this girl is that she’s shown no interest in you beyond whether you’re the one holding the ace of spades. But, let’s say you have a chance with her. If you spend six months obsessing over her (and worse yet, if she’s the reason you move back), when you do see her, you’re sure to radiate all the personality of a trapped animal. Quit clinging to your faraway “dream girl,” go ask a real live lo- cal girl out, and rediscover the joy of old- fashioned instant messaging. No, no more sending questions off into space to sit unanswered on some girl’s computer. Just whisper them straight from your pillow to the cute neighbor girl on the pillow across from yours, and get answers instantly to “Got plans after grad school?” — or, bet- ter yet, “Got time to do that again before you leave for work?” (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. SEPTEMBER 8-14, 2010 UCW 51