Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/405847
OCT. 29 - NOV. 4, 2014 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS The Agony of Delete I just had the humiliating experience of being dumped via email. I'd been seeing the guy for three months. Just days before, we had a romantic date, and he kept saying things like "We're so good together" and was very lovey-dovey. In the email, he said he re- alized that we aren't compatible, because I'm too driven and career-focused and he needs a more traditional woman. Why did he never mention this before? How does a guy who was very affectionate for months suddenly take to the computer to send you a quick note that it's over? I'm so hurt and confused by how he handled this. — Devastated Once you have a relationship with a person, you owe it to them to sit down with them and tell them it's over; you don't get to shove your dirty work off on their phone, their computer, or their vacuum cleaner. Being willing to put yourself in misery's way and break up face to face preserves the other person's dig- nity — their feeling that they have value. "Subj: we r thru," on the other hand, suggests that they don't matter; their feelings don't mat- ter; all that matters is discarding them in the most expedient way. The pre- Internet equivalent would be breaking up via postcard — maybe "Scenic Lake Minnetonka: Wish You Were Here!" but with the "Here!" crossed out and re- placed with "Beer!" As for how a guy can be all snook- ieloviepoo one day and all "go away, career lady" the next, chances are, he fell in love — with the feeling of being in love. Early on, with all the sexytime hormones rushing, it's easy to forget to step back and do the "Hey, wonder whether we're compatible" check. Eventually, the hormone high wears off, and incompatibilities get highlighted instead of blurred. It's normal to feel guilty for not noting them sooner. But it's a stew of guilt and bad character that has a guy taking the e-weenie way out — telling you it's over with a bonus link at the bottom informing you that there's never been a better time to en- large your penis. When life gives you a wedgie, you can mitigate the hurt by reframing it as a protective experience — one that keeps you from falling into a similar hole in the future. Maybe you can use this to be mindful of asking questions, early on, about the kind of lifestyle and tempera- ment a guy's most comfortable with, which could help you spot the red flags instead of using them as bedsheets. Weeding out the wrong guys fast will keep you on track to finding the right one -- the man who wants a woman who's breaking through the glass ceil- ing instead of just getting up on a step- stool and Windexing it. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD "Selfie fever" has begun to sully the sacred Islamic pilgrimages to Mecca, according to scholars who complained to Arab News in September. What for centuries has been a hallowed journey intended to renew the spirit of Islam (that all Muslims are called upon to experience at least once) has come, for some in the so-called "Facebook era," to resemble a trip to Disneyland, with visitors to the Sacred Mosque texting friends the "evidence" of their piety. (Another scholar complained in a New York Times opinion piece in October that Mecca is often experienced more as a tour packaged by marketers and centered around Mecca's upscale shopping malls rather than religious structures.) [Arab News, 9-30-2014; New York Times, 10-1-2014] The New Normal Just in time for California's new law requiring explicit consent for students' sexual activities is the free iPhone/ Google app Good2Go, which developer Lee Ann Allman promises will simplify the consent process (and even document it). As described in a September Slate. com report, Good2Go requires the initiator to send the prospective partner to at least four smartphone screens, wait for a text message, provide phone numbers (unless he/she is a multiple- user with an "account") and choose accurately one's sobriety level — all before "the mood" evaporates (ending the app's usefulness). It took the tech- savvy Slate writer four minutes to navigate the process — and she was still unclear which sexual activities had been consented to, since those specifics aren't referenced. (The app has since been pulled from the market.) [Slate.com, 9-29-2014] New York Giants tight end Larry Donnell manages his own fantasy league team by "drafting" NFL players for virtual competitions based on their real- life statistics of the previous weekend. Donnell lamented to New Jersey's The Record in October that he had benched virtual "Larry Donnell" on his fantasy team the week before because he thought his other tight end ("Vernon Davis") would do better. In reality, real Donnell had a career-high game, with his three touchdowns leading the real Giants to a 45-14 victory. However, Donnell's fantasy team lost badly because virtual Larry Donnell (and his weekend statistical bonanza) was on Donnell's bench. [WCBS-TV, 10-2-2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Conflicting messages confuse you this week, Aries. Just don't let this confusion keep you from doing what you think is right. Choose a course and stick with it. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Don't be too hard on yourself this week, Taurus. You really do not need to push yourself unless you are feeling motivated to do so. If you feel like relaxing, so be it. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, stick to the outskirts of the room and be a quiet observer of what's going on around you instead of being the center of attention. You may enjoy being a fly on the wall for a change. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, this week you may feel an unusual need to be noticed and appreciated by others. Embrace the spotlight and make the most of this opportunity to share your thoughts. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, you may find it hard to establish your priorities this week, but you have a good head on your shoulders and will figure out the path to take. Give yourself a chance to have fun. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, do the right thing even if it costs you something emotionally. Your actions may be carefully monitored, and someone is learning by your example. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, try your hardest to make a tricky set of circumstances work to your advantage. Working with a partner is a great way to get things done. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you are better at dealing with things when they're out in the light of day. You don't like to be secretive, nor do you like the idea of others keeping secrets. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, do not look at a current problem as something that will always block your success and happiness. Instead, use this obstacle as a way to get your bearings. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, though you may feel like lashing out at others, this week you show an impressive amount of self-restraint. Get through the week, and things will turn around. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 The messages you are receiving from everyone around you seem mottled and mixed, Aquarius. Instead of socializing with others, maybe you just need some alone time. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, speak up if you do not feel you are receiving enough emotional support from your closest allies. Maybe they do not know how you're feeling. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard