Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/288180
APRIL 2-8, 2014 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS The Fastidious And The Furious My boyfriend of nine years is extremely messy, while I prefer things tidy and clean. Cajoling, asking, and flat-out begging him for consideration and help on this hasn't worked, nor have tactics like establishing certain areas for clutter. He contends I'm too picky about how he cleans. He says this started when we moved in together, eight years ago, and I rewashed dishes he'd washed. He says he then stopped trying to do much cleaning up and hoped I'd tire of doing everything myself and learn a lesson. I was shocked and hurt by this attitude, especially since he's otherwise a good and loving man who does many sweet things for me. Neither of us wants kids, and I love him dearly, so I'm contemplating something you've written about, being in a relationship but living separately. Could this possibly work after living together for so long? — Worried No sooner do we fall in love than we start looking to sign a lease together, bright and optimistic about the dreamy home life the neat freak will have with the guy whose idea of housecleaning is picking up a 3-year-old magazine off the floor so he'll have a "plate" for his pizza. Because you happen to care about what we generally value — order over chaos — you made the assumption that a devotion to neatitude is The One True Path and should be as important to him as it is to you. It just isn't. Your distress at his passive-aggressive withdrawing of effort is understandable — as is his feeling that if he can't tidy up right, why bother tidying up at all? The thing is, people will often support their partner in goals they find meaningless or even dopey, but not when their ego is under attack. When a person realizes their partner doesn't respect them, they tend to take one of two paths: chasing that person's approval or retiring from seeking it. Still, you seem to have something together. You do need to repair the hard feelings between you, starting by admitting that you were both expecting the impossible in trying to live together. Next, pledge to discuss things that bother each of you instead of silently seething about them — for, oh, eight years. And yes, probably the best way for you to stay together is to live apart. After years of living together, it's easy to see this as a failure. It's actually anything but. You're just making your relationship love-centered by removing all the subjects that cause perpetual disagreement — like why anyone would waste time cleaning until whatever's growing on the coffee table starts hissing at you when you reach for the remote. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES by HOliday ARIES (March 21-April 19). You'll be following leads for both business and pleasure this week. Be willing to bail on the lead that seems like a dud so you'll be free to move on better opportunities. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). If you doubt that your happiness is crucial in the quest for world peace, consider that maybe the seeds of negativity inside you are also the root of the world's problems. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Good fortune depends on your ability to see things from a long-term perspective. You'll make the best choices from a detached mindset. Imagine the eco-technic societies and trans-human life that will exist in the 22nd century. Then, when you return to the present, you'll do the right thing. CANCER (June 22-July 22). People who host parties know that it can be hard to stop doing things for the guests and simply enjoy being with them. Remember to at some point stop responding and serving so you can take part in mutually fulfilling playful interactions. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). The brain of a human is wired to seek novelty. Just remember that the next big thing is not always something you can buy. This week it will be a new emotional experience born out of a soulful connection. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You'll be inspired to set aside your notion of who you want a person to be while you watch for clues about who he or she really is. When you understand the true nature of the people in your life, you will make better predictions, set more reasonable expectations and enjoy truly meaningful interactions. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). While everyone is chasing love and money, your focus is on an interest that won't likely lead to massive popularity or mountains of cash, and yet it compels you forward. Your curiosity is matched by your drive to do what it takes to find out more. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You'll field invitations. Don't be shy about declining if that's how you feel. You're not obligated to provide an explanation, either. There's something so enticing about having your own secret reasons for doing what you do that you're sure to get follow-up invites. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). It seems that every time you respond to the word "free," you wind up reaching for your pocketbook. To avoid this very common dynamic, set clear financial goals and firmly stick to them. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Principles of business will apply to your personal life. For instance, scarcity creates demand. If your time and attention are readily available, people will take them for granted and won't work very hard for your focus. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Your character is being molded in such a way that when you do have the right opportunity, you'll make quick work of it and find nearly immediate success. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). In business, you are at the mercy of the market, and the verdict isn't always nice. Expanding your personal life requires a similar risk, only the potential for emotional pain is even greater. The potential for joy is greater, too. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Branko Bogdanov, 58, his wife, Lela, 52, and daughter Julia, 34, were arrested in March and charged in a 10-year shoplifting enterprise run out of their upscale Northbrook, Ill., home, which they allegedly used as a base while prowling stores in states as far away as Florida, stealing high-end toys and jewelry, which they resold on eBay and to their fences. Police estimate the Bogdanovs swiped as much as $7 million worth on their forays — many items being stashed in Lela's customized flowing skirts with hidden pockets. [Associated Press via Yahoo News, 3-5-2014] A trauma victim arriving at a hospital emergency room but requiring specialized intensive care would usually be transferred promptly to a qualified "trauma center," whose success rate with such patients is believed to be 25 percent better than that of ordinary hospitals. However, a recent study from Stanford University researchers found that, among 636 hospitals observed, there was a greater reluctance to make the transfer — if the patient was fully insured. (That is, the authors suggest, there is a tendency for hospitals to hang onto insured patients, even though their outcomes might be worse, but not to similarly hang onto the uninsured — who are more likely to be properly transferred.) [NPR, 2-19-2014] Latest Female Beauty Products: Cosmetic surgery is expensive, but beauty-conscious Japanese girls and women have low-priced work-arounds to choose from — as uncovered in January by the fashion blogger Liz Katz: (1) the $63 Face-Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece (insert it for three minutes a day, make vowel sounds and watch a "saggy" mouth turn taut); (2) the Beauty Lift High Nose nostril clip, which emits electronic vibrations to raise the proboscis's profile; (3) an altogether different but similarly painful-appearing Nose Straightener (insert for 20 minutes a day for added "perkiness"). [LizKatz.com (1-4-2014] Farming continues to be a noble but grueling existence for rural residents of China, who work for the equivalent of only about $1,300 a year, but in one village (Jianshe, in southwest Sichuan province), farmers have established a cooperative capitalist model, and in January officials delivered residents their annual dividend in cold cash — the equivalent of about $2.1 million to split among 438 households. Authorities unloaded banknotes in stacks that constituted a 7-foot-high wall of money, requiring villagers to pull 24-hour shifts to guard it. [BBC News, 1-15-2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard By Holiday Mathis