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40 KIDS BAY AREA NEWS GROUP tiveplay—likesports." For a long time, experts be- lieved self-esteem was the chief building block for success. Turns out, it's the other way around: Success creates self-esteem, as the Gravink family of San Jose has come to realize. ANSLEYGRAVNIK,10,HADA knack for "hanging on stuff" as a young child, according to her father, Eric. One day in second grade, she came home from school able to do cartwheels. She enrolled in a gymnastics class, and within six months was asked to join the acrobatic team. She now spends 12 to 14 hours a week at the gym and travels to competitions across the country. Alex, 9, her sister, wasn't as natural in the gym, but she was exposed to hockey at a Sharks Ice event for girls and took an immediate liking. Now Alex plays for the Junior Sharks and during the season spends up to five hours per week on the ice. When possible, she also helps coach. "We don't compare one to the other. Each has her own thing, and they're in completely differ - ent sports," Eric says. "The only rule we have for any activity is that if you sign up, you have to stick it out to the end of your commitment." The sisters' confidence has skyrocketed since they became immersed in their respective sports. Ansley set a school record for situps and has been known to take on the boys in pushup contests. Alex wants to be the first female player in the NHL. "She's recognized her progress," Eric says, "and it's motivated her." Helena and Todd Brantley have noticed a similar trajectory with Bronwyn. One recent night at din - ner, she noticed — and corrected — her mother's posture. "In ballet," she told her parents, "we learned that you have to sit up." In the year since Bronwyn transferred to a smaller, more structured class at the Oakland Ballet Company, she has felt more comfortable with her body and more determined — not only with ballet but with everything in her life. "She wants to get it right," Helena says. This spring, the Brantleys cut back on Bronwyn's activities and began scheduling more one-on- one play dates. The concerns about overcommitting her were justified: Too much too often is one of the pitfalls when children begin to take an interest in sports and activities. They can't self-regulate, so it's up to the parents. "Overscheduled kids lose the value of free play, whether it's playing with Barbies or climbing a tree," says Smith, the San Jose State professor. "Unstructured free time — daydreaming — is how we find out identity. You stare at the cloud and think, 'What do I want to be?' " Another issue around sports and activities during elementary school can carry significant long- term consequences, and it runs counter to the parental instinct to protect: Performance is so closely monitored that children often aren't allowed to fail. "Failure is actually good for kids," Smith says. "It builds resilience and an ability to cope: I can't play basketball, but I can swim fast. "We spent decades insulating our kids from failure, and the result is that we have 18-year-olds who crumple [at the first sign of adversity]. You don't have to be good at everything." But it sure is fun trying. JWILNER@BAYAREANEWSGROUP.COM Bronwyn Brantley acts silly as she creates a dance routine. "Unstructured free time — daydreaming — is how we find out identity. You stare at the cloud and think, 'What do I want to be?'" San Jose State professor Maureen Smith says.