Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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MARCH 2-8, 2016 UCW 35 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS See Ya Later, Calculator I'm in a new relationship with the sweetest, most generous girl, but I'm hesitant to let her do nice stuff for me. In my previous relationship, every single nice thing my ex did was held against me later. I can hear her now: "Remember that time I brought you food at work? All the way across town?" Eventually, I'd wince anytime she did anything for me. However, my new girlfriend seems so happy to make me food or run an errand for me. Still, I feel uneasy. I keep waiting for her to turn into my ex and present me with a list of what I owe her. — Bad History Social psychologist Margaret S. Clark explains that partners are more loving and generous toward each other when a relationship runs on the "communal" model (which describes love or friendship) rather than the "exchange" model (the merchant- customer relationship). The main difference between these relationship types is in the motivations for giving and the expectations in the wake of it. You give to somebody you love — like by giving your honey a massage — to make her feel good; you don't wipe the lotion off your hands and then hand her a bill for $80. Love relationships are often not entirely 50/50, and the payback from a romantic partner often comes in different ways and at a later date, and that's okay. In an exchange relationship, however, people give to get. There's careful accounting and speedy invoicing. When the mechanic fixes your bum tire, immediately after doing the work, he expects equivalent compensation — in cold, hard cash (or plastic). You can't just kiss him on the cheek, chirp, "Thanks, cookieface!" and be on your way. Looking back at your relationship with your ex, ask yourself something: Why did she view popping over with a cooler at lunchtime — probably containing sandwiches and a Snapple — like she'd brought you her left kidney? Maybe she's bean countery in all of her relationships. Or … maybe this reflects Clark's finding that people in relationships switch to an "exchange norm" when they notice that their partner is all take and take. In your current relationship, remind yourself to credit your girlfriend for who she is — which you do by observing her actions and attitude — instead of fearing who she might be. You should also make sure you're holding up your part of the giving. But give for the right reason: to make her happy — and not because you can't bear to hear another woman yelling, "Owe, owe, owe!" during sex. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD "Military Intelligence" The head of U.S. Navy intelligence has for more than two years been prohibited from accessing classified information (as the Pentagon disclosed to The Washington Post in January). Vice Admiral Ted Branch came under investigation in 2013 in a corruption scandal involving a foreign defense contractor and various Navy personnel and might have been suspended from all duties — except that, given the political gridlock in Washington, no consensus candidate has emerged. No charges have been filed against Branch, but before he enters any room at the Pentagon, classified material must be stowed away. [Washington Post, 1-28-2016] Recurring Themes New World Order: (1) Yet another woman gave birth to her own granddaughter in January. Tracey Thompson, 54, offered to be the surrogate mother for her fertility-challenged daughter, Kelley, and delivered a 6-pound, 11-ounce girl at The Medical Center in Plano, Texas. (2) After notable successes in the United States, Latin America claimed in December its first transgender pregnancy after Ecuadorean Fernando Machado announced he was expecting a child with his partner Diane Rodriguez. Fernando used to be "Maria; "Diane used to be "Luis;" and though both undergo hormone therapy, they have retained their birth organs. [KTVT (Dallas), 1-7-2016] [Associated Press via The Guardian (London), 12-24-2015] Overexcited police departments occasionally feel the need to safeguard towns by zealous enforcement of anti- gambling laws. In November, police in Altamonte Springs, Florida, raided the Escondido Community Clubhouse, formally shutting down the retirement village's games of bingo, bunko, penny poker and — most controversially — the weekly sessions of the culturally venerated mahjong. Although none of the games are illegal under state law, advertising for-money games is, and the notices in the Heritage Florida Jewish News were such attention-getters that the pots for the games often grew to exceed the $10 legal maximum. (Given mahjong's sociological significance, news of the bust was even reported in Jerusalem's Times of Israel.) [Orlando Weekly, 11- 23-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 A desire to experience thrills and sensory enjoyment is building within you, Aries. You may find yourself drawn to anything that seems risky or out of character. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, you are accustomed to doing everything by the book, but you may be tempted to try something new in the near future. Just be sure not to throw all caution to the wind. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Your schedule this week may be so hectic that others can't decipher your plans, Gemini. Try to keep those closest to you abreast of your activities in the week ahead. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Circumstances at work that are beyond your control dominate your thoughts this week, Cancer. Don't stress out too much and keep a positive attitude. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Relationship dynamics have changed for the better, Leo. Make the most of this positive turn of events and make sure your partner does the same. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Your energy levels reach peaks and valleys this week, Virgo. Do your best to make the most of those moments when your energy levels are at their highest. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Even your wildest fantasies may not seem so outlandish to you this week, Libra. If you can think it up, you can probably make it happen with a little effort. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you may find yourself doing things that would normally be out of your comfort zone. This can be a positive change in the right direction. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, daydream a little this week, but make sure it doesn't consume all of your energy. Keep your desires in check and weigh the pros and cons of each idea before going forward. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, finding the right balance is a worthy goal this week. Make a concerted effort to give ample time to all the people and things that matter to you. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, time may not be on your side, but somehow you will find a way to make due. Whenever possible, farm out some of your work or responsibilities to others. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Your creative efforts will not go to waste, Pisces. Someone will recognize your talents and ask you to collaborate on an important project. Amy Alkon