Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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For Whom the Humidity Tolls by PITT DICKEY interdimensional portal into the Valley of the Vapid. This is truly the best of all possible worlds. North Carolina has fi nally taken its place among the Higg's Bosons of the Universe. We are offi cially a swing state entitling us to enjoy many months of Presidential ads seeking to stir our voting juices into a fi ne broth of fear and loathing of the other candidate. What could be better? I enjoy political ads. The more vile, the better. As the old Limbo song encouraged, "How low can you go?" I expect really, really low. President Obi is going to smear Mitt with Bain Capitol, Swiss bank accounts and car elevators. Mittens is going to smear President Obi with bailouts, Fast & Furious and Obamacare. It's gonna be swell, its gonna be great, it's gonna be a pile of horse poo on a plate. The vitriol between these two presidential candidates and their "If you wake up and you are not in pain, you know you are dead." - Russian proverb. Wake up America! Resistance is fertile. We have passed through the secret PAC's is going to keep us entertained all through the summer and fall. Recall the old saying, "When you fi ght with a pig you both get dirty — and the pig loves it." These guys love the mud. The animosity they feel for each other doesn't rise to the level of lost love between UNC and Dook basketball fans, but it will do until round-ball season returns. The Supreme Court's ruling on Obamacare provided some dandy entertainment. Chief Justice John Roberts' switch from the dark side to the light has sorely tested the Christian charity of Republicans. To put it mildly, it's as if Michael Jordan began playing for Dook. That sort of thing just isn't done in polite society. The nerve of Roberts, he was appointed by President W. Bush to vote in lock step with the Right. The rascal went out and voted to uphold Obamacare. Justice Roberts is in hiding on Malta. He is in disguise wearing the bird mask used by medieval doctors to keep away the Black Plague cooties. The Right Wing's collective blood pressure ramped into the stratosphere as a result of then Supremes' decision discovering the Affordable Health Care Act constitutional. In the fi ne print, Justice Roberts based his decision on the taxing power of the Congress as opposed to the Commerce clause. Nuance be darned. Full steam ahead! The result cheered supporters of Obamacare and crankifi ed its opponents. Chief Justice John Roberts in disguise. Karl Rove and the Koch Brothers, courtesy of the Citizen's United decision will be soliciting and spending some serious secret money to apply Political Preparation H to the infl amed hemorrhoids of the Right wing's collective tushy. As a swing state, North Carolina will get to enjoy seeing Karl's ads painting President Obi as Beelzebub's illegitimate son. Obi will paint Mittens as the reincarnation of every Robber Baron who ever gouged an unwitting populace. Keep your asbestos lined glasses near your TV to protect your retinas from the deluge of "My Opponent is the Anti-Christ" ads from both sides. Goofi ness is not limited to the presidential election. The unrelenting heat has affected many extremities of the body politic. The National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Agency deemed it necessary to announce that mermaids are not real after an Animal Planet documentary declared mermaids real, but victims of a government cover up. The announcement mermaids aren't real is as startling as Justice Robert's decision in Obamacare. Will the ATF declare that happiness is not a warm gun? Democratic N.C. Representative Becky Carney pushed the wrong voting button and mistakenly legalized fracking. What the frack? result of burning of fossil fuels but that people will adapt to rising sea levels and shifts in agricultural production. Rex said "We have spent our entire existence adapting. It's an engineering problem and there will be an engineering solution." A sorehead named Steve Coll who wrote a book about ExxonMobile suggested that Rex might be understating the level of the problem. Steve complained "moving entire cities would be very expensive" as a result of rising oceans. Steve is such a whiner. The job creators will be happy to box up New York, Charleston and Los Angeles and move them to North Dakota. Lots of jobs for everyone. We can outsource Wilmington to India. Rex Tillerson, CEO of ExxonMobile acknowledged that global warming was a covered in sweat in July, you know you are dead." — North Carolina proverb. "If you wake up and you are not PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer, COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. There were many reasons for my decision to attend Methodist University. I felt this school would be a great fit for my transition from high school to college. I felt if I went to a large university, I would get lost. Secondly, I chose Methodist because of the well-known PGA Golf Management Program. I wanted to go to the best possible school for my future career and Methodist was the one. —Will Patton Senior Business Administration OPPORTUNITY AT A GLANCE ◆ Over 80 undergraduate majors and concentrations ◆ Four master's degree programs and one certificate program ◆ 19 NCAA Division III sports ◆ More than 100 clubs and student organizations ◆ Over 10,000 graduates CLASSES BEGIN AUGUST 20 It's easy to apply. Visit methodist.edu/admissions and click "APPLY NOW." For more information, call 910.630.7000 or visit methodist.edu. 6 UCW JULY 18-24, 2012 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM