Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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40 UCW OCTOBER 26 - NOVEMBER 1, 2016 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM The Acceptable Seven The Magnificent Seven (Rated PG-13) by HEATHER GRIFFITHS Well, that was rough. I wanted to like The Magnificent Seven (133 minutes), but instead I was bored by the interminable build- up and disappointed at the lazy acting choices as I struggled to find something in the film worth writing about. For a film that came in over two hours long, there wasn't much substance. There was a Gatling gun and some dynamite, but not even that held my attention for more than a few moments. The Internet Movie Database summarizes the movie as "Seven gun men in the old west gradually come together to help a poor village against savage thieves." This summary does a terrible disservice to the movie, in that it is completely inaccurate. I'm happy to fix it for them though. Let's change "Seven gun men" to read "Denzel Washington and Christ Pratt, plus five other guys who don't really matter," the phrase "gradually" to "take seemingly forever" and "savage thieves" to "cartoon villains." That offers a much more accurate picture of what actually happens on screen. It is 1879. Bartholomew Bogue (Peter Sarsgaard) starves widows and orphans while standing on the American flag kicking puppies at your grandmother. At least, that's what his characterization implies. He even has the black mustache of pure evil! Really, the only thing missing is a black opera cape and his membership card for the Legion of Doom. The inhabitants of the mining town of Rose Creek band together at the church, and quickly learn a basic truth I first learned from Dark Helmet: Evil will always win because Good is stupid. After the cannon fodder obligingly line up so that the bad guys can kill them all with a single bullet, Emma Cullen (Haley Bennett) rides off into the sunset to become a gunslinger and avenge her murdered husband. Just kidding! She heads out to find the nearest reasonably competent and best looking heroes she can find, because she is the token woman in a bland Western remake. Emma runs into Sam Chisolm (Denzel Washington) and tries to recruit him, but he is busy being Denzel Washington in an Antoine Fuqua film, so he can't offer to help her until he injects some cool indifference into the scene. To the surprise of no one in the audience, he eventually agrees to find at least two more Amigos and fight El Guapo for her. Yes, it was right around this time that I realized I was watching a more serious version of that comedy classic, Three Amigos. Or was that the point I realized I would rather have been watching that comedy classic, Three Amigos? The next act introduces Josh Farady (Chris Pratt). He is sexily gambling, then he sexily quips, then he charms the audience with a grin, and sexily performs a few card tricks, and that's about all there is to see here, folks. I loved him as Starlord in Guardians of the Galaxy. I'm just going to remember that whenever he shows up on screen. I am pretty sure that the third member of the Magnificent Seven accidently wandered over from the Saving Private Ryan set. Goodnight Robicheaux (Ethan Hawke) is a sharpshooter, haunted by the lives he took during the war. The cast is rounded out by Billy Rocks (Byung-hun Lee), Jacke Horne (Vincent D'Onofrio), Red Harvest (Martin Sensmeier) and Vasquez (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), none of whom I can even pretend to care about. Taken as a whole, not even this fairly likeable cast can generate more than curiosity-based interest in yet another unnecessary remake. As it limps to its bland and predictable conclusion, it improved on exactly zero parts of the original. Now showing at Patriot 14 + IMAX. HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Fayetteville Independent Light Infantry VOL. 16 FREE to Residents, Businesses and Organizations throughout our Community. Welcome to Radio & TV Stations 18 Month Calendar WINNERS! UP & CO M I NG W EEKLY 'S Local Festivals County Libraries Area Health Facilities Schools Public & Private Parks & Recreation Universities & Colleges Frequently Called Numbers Town of Eastover City Welcome Mayor Nat Robertson Interim Chamber President Darsweil Rogers President FACVB John Meroski Cumberland County Commissioner Marshall Faircloth Live Theatres Museums & Galleries Local Annual Events Town of Hope Mills & Hope Mills Chamber Cumberland County Schools Dr. Frank Till $i. 50 Popcorn. $i. 50 Popcorn. $i. 50 Popcorn. $2.00 before 6:00 p.m. $3.00 after 6:00 p.m. $1.00 extra for 3D MOVIES Movie Monday: $1.50 All Day(Holiday or 3D movies excluded) $i. 50 Drink, $i. 50 Drink, $i. 50 Drinks. $i. 50 Drinks. $i. 50 Drinks.