Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/644136
FEBRUARY 24 - MARCH 1, 2016 UCW 31 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Shrug, Actually I'm in my first serious relationship. It started off super hot and sexual. Now, a year in, it's lovey-dovey and cuddly. Not that my boyfriend and I don't have sex. We do, and it's still good. But we no longer sext or send cute selfies, and the butterflies feeling is gone. Is it all downhill from here? — Worried This makes biological sense, considering that there are stages in attraction and bonding and a cocktail of biochemicals behind each. Dopamine, a neurochemical that researchers associate with wanting, "novelty-seeking," and focused attention, is a star player when you're in chase mode (aka "infatuation," "attraction," or, more descriptively, "Who knew you could get a callus down there?"). However, evolution is no fool, and it realized that we couldn't spend all of our time chasing each other around. So bonding hormones — oxytocin and vasopressin — eventually take charge. And that's why, a year into a relationship, you may be doing "unnatural acts" in the bedroom, but they probably involve things like dusting the miniblinds. Going from hot sexts to ho-humming along is a result of "hedonic adaptation." "Hedonic" comes from a Greek word for pleasure, and hedonic adaptation describes how we quickly acclimate to changes in our circumstances — positive or negative. Research by social psychologist Philip Brickman and his colleagues suggests that we each have a happiness "set point," and we keep getting pulled back to it. A fascinating example of this is their finding that people who won big in the lottery were (of course) stoked at first, but ultimately, they ended up being no happier than victims of crippling accidents. Happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky finds that people in relationships can resist hedonic adaptation, but it takes "ongoing effort" to bring in variety. She's talking about varied experiences and, especially, varied surprising experiences. Surprise, Lyubomirsky explains in The Myths of Happiness, delivers "strong emotional reactions." The good news is that, even now, you can bring surprise into your relationship; you just need to stage it. Try to inject it into every day, and maybe take turns planning a weekly secret date night — secret from the person who isn't the planner — so at least one of you is surprised. You might also take turns planning separate sextracurricular activities, on the same model. Without this extra effort, sex may still be fun, but the only way it's likely to be surprising is if one of you tries to sneak out the window afterward. Copyght Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Wired.com's most recent Absurd Creature feature shows a toad devouring a larva of a much-smaller beetle, but the "absurdity" is that the larva is in charge and that the toad will soon be beetle food. The larva's Darwinian advantage is that, inside the toad, it bites the hapless "predator" with its hooked jaws and then secretes enzymes to begin decomposing the toad's tissue (making it edible) — and provoking it to vomit the still-alive larva. [Wired.com, 1-29- 2016] Great Achievements in Laziness An 80-year-old man and a 37-year- old woman were ticketed in separate incidents in Canada the week of Jan. 18 when police spotted them driving cars completely caked in snow except for a small portion of the windshield. The man, from Brussels, Ontario, was driving a car resembling a "pile of snow on the road." The Halifax, Nova Scotia, woman's car was, a police statement said, "a snowbank with four wheels." [Globe and Mail, 1-21- 2016] [Associated Press via WMUR-TV (Manchester, N.H.), 1-21-2016] Great Art! Fed up with the "pretense" of the art world, performer (and radio personality) Lisa Levy of Brooklyn, New York, sat on a toilet, naked and motionless, at the Christopher Stout Gallery in January to protest artists' "BS" by presenting herself in the "humblest" way she could imagine. Visitors were invited to sit on a facing toilet (clothed or not) and interact with her in any way except for touching. Levy told the Bushwick Daily website that too much "ego," "like a drug," "distorts your reality." [Bushwick Daily, 1-20-2016] Wait, What? In January, the U.S. Department of Justice's inspector general recommended closing down a program of the department's Drug Enforcement Administration that paid employees of other federal agencies (Amtrak and the beloved Transportation Security Administration) for tips on suspicious passengers. (The program apparently ignored that federal employees have such a duty even without a bounty.) DEA was apparently interested in passengers traveling with large amounts of cash — which DEA could potentially seize if it suspected the money came from illegal activity (and also, of course, then keep the money under federal forfeiture law). According to the inspector general, the tipping TSA agent was to be rewarded with a cut of any forfeited money. [USA Today, 1-7-2016]2015. COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Excitement surrounds any get-together you are involved in this week, Aries. This puts you in a good mood for some time, and the positive energy can bring about change. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, this week you may find yourself in the right mood to organize your home or office. If high-tech equipment will be part of the project, enlist a friend to help out. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, if you' re feeling particularly amorous this week, schedule a few date nights or even cuddle time with that special someone. A new person may come into your life as well. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Plenty of projects around the house need your attention this week, Cancer. Take advantage of some slower days to devote time to repairs and other tasks on your to-do list. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, important new information may come your way this week. This could be the catalyst for new professional ventures or even provide new ways to network. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, a job you have put a lot of effort and time into is completed successfully this week. You now can enjoy the fruits of your labor and the praise coming your way. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Communication improvements with your romantic partner have you feeling optimistic about the future, Libra. Don' t make any definitive plans, but start thinking ahead. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, an unexpected raise has you spreading the wealth to others. You tend to be good about sharing your good fortune, and that is why so many people look up to you. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 A sense of adventure may find you booking a vacation, Sagittarius. Otherwise, you may be looking to dive into an exciting new relationship. Be impulsive because you deserve it. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, you may be drawn to flashy colors and high energy this week. Plan a fun and energetic date or take in a movie with a lot of special effects. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, you' ve adopted the attitude that life is an adventure and you' re ready to face any challenge that comes your way with an open mind. This may prove to be a busy week. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Do not be surprised if big changes lie in store for you this week, Pisces. You may end up with a new job or begin thinking about relocation. Amy Alkon Log on. Plan a getaway. Let yourself unplug. a we b s ite to ta ke yo u to pl a c e s wh e re th e re a re n o we b s ite s . NC Tourism_Ad Layouts_4C_NEWS_9.88x10_FINAL.indd 3 6/4/14 4:45 PM