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6A – Daily News – Tuesday, January 4, 2011 D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY T H E V O I C E O F T E H A M A C O U N T Y S I N C E 1 8 8 5 Opinion 2011 Precap No one was more surprised by Greg Stevens, Publisher gstevens@redbluffdailynews.com Chip Thompson, Editor editor@redbluffdailynews.com Editorial policy The Daily News opinion is expressed in the editorial. The opinions expressed in columns, letters and cartoons are those of the authors and artists. Letter policy The Daily News welcomes let- ters from its readers on timely topics of public interest. All let- ters must be signed and pro- vide the writer’s home street address and home phone num- ber. Anonymous letters, open letters to others, pen names and petition-style letters will not be allowed. Letters should be typed and cannot exceed two double-spaced pages or 500 words. When several letters address the same issue, a cross section of those submit- ted will be considered for publi- cation. Letters will be edited. 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How to reach us Main office: 527-2151 Classified: 527-2151 Circulation: 527-2151 News tips: 527-2153 Sports: 527-2153 Obituaries: 527-2151 Photo: 527-2153 On the Web www.redbluffdailynews.com Fax Newsroom: 527-9251 Classified: 527-5774 Retail Adv.: 527-5774 Legal Adv.: 527-5774 Business Office: 527-3719 Address 545 Diamond Ave. Red Bluff, CA 96080, or P.O. Box 220 Red Bluff, CA 96080 the way 2010 turned out than this reporter, except possibly the 69 Democrats who lost their seats in Congress, plus quite a few gover- nors and, well, it just wasn't the kind of year I would have predict- ed. But rather than recap boring old news, here's what is certain to hap- pen next, in a handy, clip-and-save, Precap of 2011: Jan. 5: The year's first session of the House of Representatives becomes hopelessly deadlocked when Republicans refuse to sched- ule a vote on a proposal by Democ- rats to use an oak gavel rather than one made of maple. Jan. 19: Due to the gavel impasse, President Obama delivers his State of the Union message via YouTube, stating, "No one was more surprised by the way 2010 turned out than this president." Jan. 28: Congress finally reach- es a compromise in which the Democrat's oak gavel is approved, but only after Speaker John Boehn- er gives it a complete shellacking. Feb. 4: Fresh from its acquisi- tion of "Newsweek" for one dollar, The Daily Beast announces it has purchased the defunct "Saturday Evening Post" for 15 cents. "We believe our online readers will gradually develop new habits and shift to print," said Tina Brown, who will serve as editor of all three publications. Feb. 6: With the score 42-3 at the end of regulation play, NFL officials order Super Bowl XLV to continue into overtime until all 27 remaining commercials are tele- vised. Mar. 14: President Obama finally appears before a joint ses- sion of Congress to spell out his legislative agenda, but it ends abruptly when Mr. Obama is struck in the lip by Speaker John Boehner's oak gavel, requiring 12 stitches. Apr. 7: After learning that his first game with the Hagerstown (Md.) Suns has been rained out, 18-year-old baseball phenom Bryce Harper tells reporters it was "good experience," and he has "paid his dues," and expects to be called up to the Washington Nationals "any day now." Apr. 29: In a cost-saving move, CBS decides not to send the cast and crew of the "Early Show" to cover the royal wedding, opting instead to transport all 37 of the program's viewers to London to watch in person. May 6: Authorities at Kennedy Airport arrest a woman just sec- onds before she is able to board a commercial flight with suspicious material, believed to be explosives mixed in a peanut butter and banana sandwich. May 7: Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano tells a news conference in Washington that, effective immediately, passengers on flights originating in the U.S. will be limited to 1.5 ounces of peanut butter and/or other sand- wich spreads. Sandwiches must be in clear plastic bags for tasting by TSA employees. May 18: WikiLeaks delivers 847,000 classified documents to The Guardian newspaper, detailing how the Obama administration has sought to deal with previous Wik- iLeaks disclosures. Most embar- rassing: an internal report estimat- ing that it would take 150 White House staffers, each working 18 hours a day, 43.7 years to read all of the documents that WikiLeaks obtains in a typical month. June 13: In a news release, Homeland Security discloses that the sandwich confiscated in New York on May 6 did not contain explo- sives, but rather a "peanut butter substitute" made from soybeans. The release also states that the 1.5-ounce limit on sandwich spreads will remain in effect "for the foreseeable future." July 21: The TLC cable channel announces "Sarah Palin's Iowa and New Hampshire," in which the former star of "Sarah Palin's Alaska" takes viewers to "my favorite hangouts in two wonderful states that Todd and I have always thought of as our second and third homes." Aug. 10: As temperatures soar near 100 degrees for a record 25th straight day, Mike Huckabee says on Fox News Channel that this is "clearly God's way" of punishing the Obama administration for spreading false claims about global warming. A Fox instant poll indi- cates that 96% of Huckabee's viewers believe he is correct, while 4 percent are not sure. Sept. 6: President Obama and his security detail drive daughter Malia to her first day of 8th grade at Sidwell Friends School in Wash- ington, prompting Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., to declare that the trip is costing taxpayers $1.6 million. Sept. 9: Audience members at the final episode of Oprah Win- frey's syndicated talk show erupt in a violent protest when they learn that Oprah's special "surprise gift" to each of them on the landmark occa- sion is a warm hug. Oct. 3: In a West Peter Funt Wing ceremony, President Obama awards the Medal of Freedom to football player Michael Vick "for heroic efforts to secure commercial endorsement con- tracts under extraor- dinary conditions." Oct. 14: On CNN, Anderson Cooper reports live via satellite from the scene of a dramatic rescue in the Arctic, where 14 penguins became trapped when a glacier collapsed. During a commercial, Cooper tweets: "No worry. Super snug Calvin Klein thermal tee-shirt is rated to 15 below zero." Nov. 21: In what is believed to be the earliest opening of its kind, Wal-Mart opens its stores 96 hours prior to Black Friday. Dec. 5: Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner discloses that China has quietly accumulated over 3.7 trillion miles in the United Airlines Mileage Plus program. "Our greatest concern," explains Geithner, "is that the Chinese will acquire tens of thousands of mem- berships in the Red Carpet Club, triggering an airline panic." Dec. 31: Appearing on MTV's New Year's Eve special, President Obama concedes, "No one was more surprised by the way 2011 turned out than this president." Your officials STATE ASSEMBLYMAN — Jim Nielsen (R) State Capitol Bldg., Room 6031 Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 319-2002; Fax (916) 319-2102 STATE SENATOR — Doug LaMalfa (R) State Capitol Bldg., Room 3063 Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 651-4004; Fax (916) 445-7750 GOVERNOR — Jerry Brown (D), State Capitol Bldg., Sacramento, CA 95814; (916) 445-2841; Fax (916) 558-3160; E-mail: governor@governor.ca.gov. U.S. REPRESENTATIVE — Wally Herger (R), 2635 Forest Ave. Ste. 100, Chico, CA 95928; 893-8363. U.S.SENATORS — Dianne Feinstein (D), One Post Street, Suite 2450, San Francisco, CA 94104; (415) 393-0707. Fax (415) 393-0710. Barbara Boxer (D), 1700 Montgomery St., Suite 240, San Francisco, CA 94111; (415) 403-0100. Fax (202) 224- 0454. Will Durst’s predictions for the Year 2011 Commentary Yes, we did. Survived 2010. 365 tumultuous days of what my good friend Elizabeth (Betty) Windsor, is wont to call an annus horribilis. And our reward for enduring that annoying annum is this clean slate of a new year where potentially anything can happen. A position we find our- selves now; looking flush-front blunt at an empty, unscrawled cal- endar embodying hope and opti- mism and aspiration and promise. So now is the time for all good men to sweep away the debris of yesterday and build on the solid foundation of tomorrow. This sentiment guaranteed to last at least a week before we screw it up and all hell breaks loose. And with that thought in mind, here are: WILL DURST’S PREDIC- TIONS FOR THE YEAR 2011: • Incoming Speaker of the House John Boehner opens his first joint session of Congress with, “Alright, who wants a piece of me?” • North Korean President Kim Jong Il keeps lobbing bombs into South Korea until someone on his team develops a formula to spin turkey pot pies out of grass. • • Sarah Palin tapes a sec- ond season of her reality show and accidentally shoots a Mama Grizzly from a helicopter. • The women on “The View” walk out during an appear- ance by Keith Olbermann, just to balance the books. • Former BP CEO Tony Hayward gets his life back and is not that crazy about it. • Lady Gaga wears a tinfoil dress to an NBA playoff game and spontaneously combusts dur- ing the pre-game laser show. • Oprah buys Rhode Island and turns it into a gay theme park. • Gov. Jerry Brown promis- es to focus less on the vast space- ship that is Earth and more on the long- term parking shuttle that is California. • The Airline Industry attempts to rid the skies of the most dangerous security threat known to man: passengers. • The 112th Congress resolves not to fall prey to the same mistakes the 111th Con- gress made by actually accom- plishing anything. Pope Benedict XVI undergoes Lasik surgery to repair the Catholic Church’s hindsight. • The state of South Dako- ta sells Mount Rushmore to Fox News, who re-carves the monument to resemble Glenn Beck, Sean Hanni- ty, Mike Huckabee and Bill O’Reilly. Brit Hume and Chris Wallace leave the network in a huff. Carl Cameron chuckles. • Jimmy McMillan disbands “The Rent is Too Damn High” Party after subletting a rent stabilized co-op in TriBeCa. • Julian Assange demonstrates his total commitment to a “no secrets” philosophy by leaking the damning testi- mony that leads to his own conviction. • Steve Jobs intro- duces the iPud for male Baby Boomer retirees. • Nancy Pelosi does not rest until she earns a colorful nick- name like “Slappy.” • Kentucky Sen. Mitch San Francisco-based political comedian Will Durst writes sometimes, this being a fundamentally curious example. Will Durst Raging Moderate McConnell does not rest until the hole in the back of his neck is enlarged to accommodate Grover Norquist’s hand. • Officials at the Tour de France throw up their arms and invite cyclists to take what- ever performance enhancing drugs they want. • New York Sen. Chuck Schumer becomes the go-to guy in the Democrat- ic Caucus after it is discovered Harry Reid died years ago. • May your 2011 be twice as good as 2010 and only half as wonder- fully exciting as 2012.