Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/390145
OCTOBER 1-7, 2014 UCW 49 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Heavy Meddle Is it okay to keep your income a secret from someone you're dating? I recently started seeing a girl I work with (at an ad- vertising company). She believes women at our company get paid less on average, and I suspect she's right. Yesterday she came right out and asked me how much I make. I'm pretty sure I'm the highest-paid person on our team, but her question made me re- ally uncomfortable, and I told her I make a lot less than I actually do. I felt bad lying to a woman I could get serious with, but I don't want her or other co-workers knowing my salary. — Johnny Paycheck Privacy Unfortunately, your girlfriend decided it was time to bridge the gap between con- versation and colonoscopy. She snookered you into going along by asking you point- blank how much you make. This is really rude. Because of that, it catches a person off guard, leading to a reaction like yours — stammering out an answer. Maybe she doesn't believe you're en- titled to boundaries in a relationship, or maybe she decided she could erase yours for a good cause. And sure, you, like most people, probably want the person you're with to really know you. But really know- ing the person you're dating means un- derstanding their hopes and dreams, not having the same information you'd get if you duct-taped yourself to the awning of the ATM just before they deposited their paycheck. Beyond one of the biggest problems with lying — the tendency to get caught — by not standing up for your right to keep select areas of your life private, you're paving the way for future info-hooverings. To dial back your privacy settings, tell her you only revealed your salary because you were so unprepared for her to ask about it. Request that she keep a lid on it, and let her know the boundaries that work for you — like that the woman in your life has a right to know how much you make when you're sharing a checking account, not a cubicle. You don't have to turn your pay stub drawer into a petting zoo to show her you care about her concerns. You could offer to help her come up with tactics for nego- tiating a raise. Keep in mind that research shows that women tend to take the salary, raises, and opportunities they're offered instead of trying to negotiate for more. A book you might get her is Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, by Linda Bab- cock and Sara Laschever. Finally, prepare yourself for being put on the spot by her or anyone with what I call "The Power of Not Right Now" — recognizing that you can decline to answer a person's question right then and there (perhaps with the excep- tion of inquiries like "You gonna give me your wallet, or do I have to gut you with this rusty screwdriver?"). WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The WE cable network disclosed in August that it had ordered a nine-episode adaptation of a British series, Sex Box, in which a couple enters a large opaque chamber on stage and has intercourse. The pair, pre- and post-coitally, are clothed and seated before a panel of probably D-List celebrities, and will respond to questions and comment on their feelings and techniques (likely enduring praise and criticisms about their "work"). The series will debut sometime in 2015. (However, as the Daily Beast website pointed out, it might also be true that still, in 2015, even a split-second's glimpse of a female nipple on any broadcast TV show would create a national scandal.) [The Daily Beast, 8-21-2014] The Entrepreneurial Spirit The "trendy" 25hours Hotel Bikini Berlin, located adjacent to the Berlin Zoo and offering some of the best views of the city from its floor-to-ceiling windows, has famously positioned the rest rooms of its Monkey Bar in front of the windows, also, and those heeding nature's call are clearly visible to gawkers. Guests are merely warned, by the Trip Advisor website and by the hotel itself (with the admonition, "Please be careful. Not only the monkeys are watching"). [Daily Mail (London), 7-30-2014] London designer Gigi Barker recently unveiled the Skin chair (priced at the equivalent of about $2,500), made of leather but with a "pheromone- impregnated silicone base" that makes it feel (and smell, perhaps) like one is "lounging in the fleshy, comforting folds of a man's belly." The Skin was scheduled for exhibition this month at the London Design Festival. [Quartz, 7-25-2014] China's insurance companies offer some of the world's quirkiest policies, according to a September Reuters dispatch from Hong Kong. People's Insurance Group, for example, will pay out in case a customer's children display disappointingly "mischievous and destructive" habits. The Ancheng company offers a policy protecting a customer in case his mouth is burned eating "hotpot." Ping An Insurance Group (actually, the world's second-largest by market value) has recently offered an "accidental pregnancy before honeymoon" policy, and is one of three companies that competed to sell couples compensation in case a marriage is disrupted by a "concubine." [Reuters via Business Insider, 9-1-2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, though you are usually up for a conversation with someone you don't know, this week you could be in a more conservative mood. You'll have future chances to chat. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 You have been on a shopping binge of late, Taurus. If you have unlimited funds, this would not be so problematic. But finances are tight, and you should be more cautious. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you are often an entertaining and fun person to have around. This is probably why you get so many invitations to parties and other social occasions. Enjoy your fanfare. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Surround yourself with children this week, Cancer. They'll provide the unedited, honest information you desire right now. It can certainly be eye-opening. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Spend some quality time with a romantic partner this week, Leo. He or she can provide more of what you need, such as true affection and companionship, than what's offered by friends. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you deserve credit at the office. If you're patient, some measure of recognition will come your way this week. It's a start to getting what you need. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Few people will accuse you of being uncommunicative, Libra. In fact, you're usually downright chatty. It's one of the traits people will admire most in you this week. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, a new person comes into your life and your attraction to this person catches you off guard. It's okay to flirt, but if you're already attached to someone, leave it at that. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, you're often the one to take the lead in conversations in your group of friends, but this week someone else takes the lead. You're content to sit back and simply listen. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, once you have gained enough confidence in a special interest, you may be able to turn it into a career instead of just a hobby. Keep working toward that goal. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 It's time to tie up some loose ends, Aquarius. Rustle up some energy to take care of all those little things that need to be wrapped up. You'll feel a weight lift afterward. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, increase your level of activity this week. Exercise can do you a world of good, especially if you've felt sluggish of late. 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