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6 UCW NOVEMBER 23 - -29, 2016 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM OPINION What is so rare as a hearty breakfast of crow in November? Would a crow croissant by any other name smell as sweet? The morning after Trump was elected president I enjoyed a tasty, if foul, fowl breakfast. Being a Hillary voter, accepting Trump's election was not easy. Crow's feathers and beak are particularly hard to swallow if not chewed properly. I used a half bottle of Texas Pete to moderate the taste of genus Corvus tartar. As I dined on my breakfast of crow and grits, I recalled and revised Peter Pan's song "I Gotta Crow." Peter was celebrating his wonderfulness, which was the opposite of how I felt Wednesday morning. A spoonful of Peter Pan lyrics and a bottle of wine makes the Trump victory go down. "When I discover the uncleverness of an unremarkable me/ How can I hide it/ When deep down inside it just galls me so/ That I've gotta let go and eat crow!" I made no secret of my hope that Hillary would be elected. But as the Rolling Stones pointed out, "You can't always get what you want." Neither I nor over half the country did. It turned out that most of the polls and the clear majority of talking heads were wrong about the election. Yet the next day, the talking heads kept on talking as if they knew something. The inability to be embarrassed is a great help for pundits. I have adjusted to a Trump presidency. As the eminent Dick Tuck, a losing California senate candidate said in 1966, "The people have spoken ... the bastards." We are all going to be living in the Wonderful World of Trump Land for the next four years. Let us ponder what that may mean. My theory of voting for Hillary involved brain surgery. Who would you rather have do your brain surgery? An experienced brain surgeon who had lost several medical malpractice cases as a result of screwing up, or a construction guy who had never done brain surgery but owned a chainsaw? Much to my surprise, America chose Dr. Leatherface. Perhaps the Clintons will now ride off into the sunset. We won't have Hillary to kick around anymore. This got me thinking about Richard Nixon, who once told the press they wouldn't have Nixon to kick around anymore. Never, ever, say never. It turns out that Nixon is coming back. He's tanned. He's rested. He's ready. Nixon in 2020. Those of you of a certain age may remember Nixon's curiously named re-election committee, the Committee to Re-Elect the President or CREEP. The current Republican establishment types have formed the Committee to Resurrect the President (CREEP II) to nominate Nixon in 2020 if Trump turns out to be a one- term President. Certain segments of the Republican establishment think that a dead Nixon would be a better president than a live Trump. What was once a small cloud on the political horizon no bigger than a man's hand is starting to take shape as the Trump administration. Trump appointed Reince Preibus as his Chief of Staff and Steve Bannon of Breitbart fame as his Chief Counselor and Arch Warlock. Reince is a gesture to the Republican establishment. Steve is a charming combination of red meat and anger for the Lock Her Up crowd. His politics skew Alt-Right whiteness and the Little Rascal's He-Man Woman Hater's Club. Steve looks like a refugee from the Manson family or at least a member of the Saviors from The Walking Dead. Steve and Negan have the same management style. Trump's two appointments remind me of the scene in Animal House where Pinto's date has passed out from excessive alcohol consumption. Pinto is pondering his next move when the devil and an angel appear on his shoulders. The devil urges Pinto to take advantage of his date. The angel urges gentlemanly restraint. As of now, America is Pinto's and Trump's drunken date. America lies like a patient etherized upon a table waiting to see whether Trump takes the advice of Bannon or Reince. Many moons ago the Washington Post had an editorial cartoonist called Herblock who despised Nixon for years. Herblock always drew Nixon with a 5 o'clock shadow. When Nixon was elected president, Herblock drew one cartoon with Nixon without his whiskers, granting him a free shave at the beginning of his term of office. Taking a cue from Herblock, I hereby swallow the remains of my crow breakfast. I offer Trump congratulations on his win and best wishes for a successful presidency. We have one pilot flying America's plane, so we better hope Air Trump flies safely for all of us. Dining on Crow by PITT DICKEY PITT DICKEY. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Sometimes you just have to eat some crow. It never goes down easy. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17th SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17th Register by December 1st to guarantee a T-shirt Proceeds go to Ryan's Foundation and other charities providing services to children and cancer patients. 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