Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/680793
MAY18-24, 2016 UCW 5 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM My friend and former legislative colleague, Rick Glazier, an education advocate extraordinaire, fought for students and schools on both the Cumberland County Board of Education and in the North Carolina General Assembly. When others bemoaned student achievement and behavior, Rick often said this: "Parents send schools the best children they have." This simple, yet profound, observation resonates with me on several levels. All parents, whatever their circumstances, want the best for their children, and all children want to please their parents, even though it is sometimes difficult to discern both desires. Life and its attendant busyness get in the way, as do the maturity and life skills of both parents and children. Like every mother on earth, I have wondered since my first Precious Jewel drew breath whether I am guiding them on correct paths to help them become productive adults with work and social skills and nurturing relationships. I suspect most parents meet our maker still wondering if we really did the best we could. Advice to parents abounds — some better than others, of course, but a recent find makes great sense to me. Business Insider, which bills itself as the world's largest business news website, ran a recent article asserting that "Science says parents of successful kids have these 13 things in common," featuring a lovely photograph of British billionaire Richard Branson with his smiling mother. Based on research from leading universities from Duke to Stanford, BI's tips are common sense but not necessarily easy to accomplish, at least they were not in the Dickson household. The words in quotation marks are BI's, and the comments are largely mine. I have omitted two for length. Successful parents "make their kids do chores." I know, I know! Chores often generate whining and procrastination, and it is often easier and more efficient to do it yourself. But if your Jewels are not doing chores, that means someone else — probably mom or dad — is. Not realistic training for life, because mom and dad will not always be around when the Jewel is an adult. "They teach their kids social skills." It is a no brainer that children with social skills are more likely to succeed in the real world, because they cooperate, are kind and understand the feelings of others. They are more likely to earn a college degree and hold a full-time job, and less likely to get arrested, use unfortunate substances and live in public housing. "They have high expectations." Parents, no matter their own circumstances, who expect big things from their children, including college, are more likely to have children who fulfill those expectations. "They have healthy relationships with each other." We all know this. Children do better in stable, non-confrontational environments than those in conflict-ridden homes, whether that home is in tact or not. Acrimony and divorce follow children into adulthood. "They have attained higher-educational levels." Monkey see, monkey do. College- educated parents are more likely to raise college-educated children. "They teach their kids math early on." A study from Northwestern University finds that "mastery of early math skills predicts not only future math achievement, it also predicts future reading achievement." 'Nuff said. "They develop a relationship with their kids." Parents who respond sensitively and promptly to children's needs nurture children who feel secure to explore the world around them, a positive attribute as they grow and develop. "They're less stressed." Children are little barometers. They know when parents are anxious or troubled, and science has found an "emotional contagion." In other words, we "catch" feelings from each other, and no parent wants to spread stress and anxiety. "They value effort over avoiding failure." This is your mother's old bromide — you will never know until you try. The worst that can happen is that you will fail, but you will also learn something. Mom is right on this one. "The moms work." Oooh! This is an angst inducer, one taht women have been arguing for generations. Having worked throughout the Precious Jewels' childhoods and often feeling guilty about it, I told them they were THE most important thing in my life but not the only important thing. And a bonus here, Harvard professor Kathleen McGinn says, "There are very few things … that have such a clear effect on gender inequality as being raised by a working mother." "They teach grit." This is what your mother called "stick-to-itiveness." It is imagining the goal you want and committing to making it happen, like going to college and working in your dream profession. Rick Glazier is right. Parents do send schools the best children they have, and — for better or worse — it has fallen to schools to help fill in some of the gaps. It is important that the rest of us understand that while learning is a lifelong process, the formative learning occurs early. Our Precious Jewels are, in fact, largely what we make them. Everyone's Precious Jewels by MARGARET DICKSON OPINION MARGARET DICKSON. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Garland Denny was a patriotic, self less and persistent local veteran. Denny dedicated his retirement years to promoting several outside- the-box, creative ideas to increase funding for veterans' services without increasing the tax burden, wisely recognizing that Washington bureaucrats don't have all the answers. One of his ideas was to create a "St amp Out PTSD" semi-post al st amp. The semi-post al st amp would sell for more than the cost of f irst-class post age, w ith the dif ference being donated to PTSD t reat- ment and research. There are currently t wo similar semi-postal stamps in circulation, one for breast cancer research and one for endangered species. You might think having a new stamp created for such a great cause would be a simple enough task for Washington to handle, but you would be wrong. Even though Congress gave the United States Postal Service full authorit y to create new semi-postal stamps in 2005, the USPS had always declined to use that authorit y. Last summer, in support of Denny, I gathered 55 colleagues from the U.S. House and Senate and together, and we wrote the Postmaster General asking her to update USPS rules regarding semi-postal stamps with the hopes of accelerating Denny's Stamp Out PTSD project. Acting upon my request, the USPS has just announced revised rules allowing for consideration of new semi-postal stamps to raise money for charitable causes, such as Denny's Stamp Out PTSD stamp. Unfortunately, Denny passed away last October. However, his legacy lives on through his son, Chuck Denny, who has taken up his father's mission and is working to submit an updated proposal based on the new USPS rules. My office is helping gather the necessary support from various government offices. Garland Denny was tenacious in his mission to support veterans. If he were still with us, I'm confident he'd already be on the phone build- ing support for this new opportunit y, and the Postal Service would be f looded with calls and let ters urging the creation of the Stamp Out PTSD semi-postal stamp. According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, up to 20 percent of veterans who served in Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation En- during Freedom experience PTSD. Among those who served in Desert Storm, roughly 12 percent experience PTSD, and the number increases drastically for our Vietnam veterans. Garland Denny made it his mis- sion to make sure these brave Americans receive the proper treatment. Garland Denny is a reminder that one commit ted American can make a big difference. Self less patriots like Garland and his son are what make this country great, and while their mission is not yet complete, we will continue to push forward until we Stamp Out PTSD. Stamp Out PTSD by CONGRESSMAN ROBERT PITTENGER CONGRESSMAN ROBERT PIT- TENGER. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 484.6200.. The USPS has just announced revised rules allowing for consideration of new semi-postal stamps to raise money for charitable causes, such as Denny's Stamp Out PTSD stamp.