Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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JANUARY 13-19, 2016 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Shove Hurts I've spent hundreds of dollars on a relationship coach, who instructed me to cut off all sex and even all contact with the guy I was dating until he agreed to marry me. I knew he loved me and wanted to marry me; I just wanted him to do it faster. Sadly, my ultimatum to him blew up in my face; he is done with me. My roommate, who thought the coach's advice was terrible, just moved in with her guy, despite his being kind of a commitmentphobe. Her approach was to just be loving and patient with him and give it some time (about a year). She said she realized that she had the option to bail if the waiting became too much. I'm confused. Men supposedly don't get hints. Why doesn't saying what you want work to get the guy? – Direct And Dumped Social psychologist George A. Youngs finds that when a potential loss of freedom looms, it unleashes a "motivational state," compelling us to try to preserve that freedom and fight off any attempts to yank other freedoms. In other words, the more you go all petty despot on somebody — overtly trying to force them into doing your bidding — the more likely they are to rebel, and maybe even do the exact opposite of what you want. "Overtly" is the key word here. Your roommate also wanted to wrangle a commitment from her boo. But note the difference in tactics: making it attractive for him to stick around, as opposed to leaving a note on his pillow, "Put a ring on it!" — along with the severed, bleeding head of My Little Pony. This isn't to say you should keep your mouth shut about what you want. But consider the difference in controllingness in making a statement versus giving an ultimatum. A statement tells him what you have to do: "I feel bad that you don't seem to want to marry me, and I can't continue in this much longer." An ultimatum, on the other hand, tells him what he has to do: "Marry me or nothing, bucko!" Also, consider that with "marry me or nothing," you're very distinctly putting "nothing" on the table. And maybe at a certain point, this is a trade-off you're willing to make. But, again, stating it in those terms is probably a bad idea. Keep in mind that typically, a man commits to a woman because he loves her and is better with her than he is alone — much as he might admire her for her attempt to re-enact the Iran hostage crisis on a very small scale. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In December, Canada's supportive organization The Transgender Project released a biographical video of the former Paul Wolscht, 46, and the father of seven children with his ex-wife, Marie, describing his new life as not only a female but a 6-year-old female, Stephoknee Wolscht. She told the Daily Xtra (gay and lesbian news site) that not acting her real age (even while doing "adult" things like working a job and driving a car) enables her to escape "depression and suicidal thoughts." Among the trans-age's favorite activities are (coloring-book) coloring, creating a play-like "kingdom," and wearing "really pretty clothes." Stephoknee now lives with the couple who adopted her. [The Independent (London), 12-16-2015] Exceptional Floridians (1) Police in St. Petersburg reported the December arrest of a 12-year-old boy whose rap sheet listed "more than 20" arrests since age 9. He, on a bicycle, had told an 89-year-old driver at a gas station that the man's tire was low, and when the man got out to check, the boy hopped in the car and took off. (2) A driver accidentally plowed through two small businesses in Pensacola in December, creating such destruction that the manager of one said it looked like a bomb had hit (forcing both — a tax service and a casket company — to relocate). The driver told police he was attempting to "travel through time." [WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg), 12-15-2015] [WEAR-TV (Pensacola), 12-23-2015] Compelling Explanations (1) Breen Peck, 52, an air traffic controller who has been having career troubles in recent years, was arrested during a traffic stop on New York's Long Island in December when officers found illegal drugs in his car. "That's meth," he said. "I'm an air traffic controller. I smoke it to stay awake." (2) In a "she-said/he-said" case, wealthy Saudi businessman Ehsan Abdulaziz, 46, was acquitted of rape in December in England's Southwark Crown Court, apparently persuading jurors of "reasonable doubt" about his DNA found in the alleged victim's vagina. Perhaps, his lawyer said, Abdulaziz was still aroused after sex with the other woman in the apartment and accidentally fell directly upon the alleged victim lying on a sofa. [New York Post, 12-11-2015] [The Independent, 12- 16-2015] 2015 COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, finding time to get everything done can be challenging. Fortunately, you have quite a few friends willing to spare some time and lend you a helping hand. TAURUS Apr 21/May 21 Difficult decisions can take time to work through, Taurus. Although you want to address all situations, this week isn't a good one for making big decisions. GEMINI May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, something keeps nagging at you and you can't get it out of your head. Trust your intuition and be on guard. With some careful thought, a solution will present itself. CANCER Jun 22/Jul 22 A hectic schedule may have you feeling some pressure, Cancer. Keep in mind that all of your deadlines are self-imposed, so just factor a little more time into your week. LEO Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, sometimes you have to make a few mistakes before you get things right. Don't let this worry you, as trial and error is all a part of the learning process. VIRGO Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you may suspect what's around the corner, but you are not ready to take the plunge just yet. Give it a little more time until you feel ready and secure. LIBRA Sept 23/Oct 23 Work with your doctor to develop a plan for meeting some healthy resolutions, Libra. It is important to make your health a priority this week. SCORPIO Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, it may prove impossible to escape all of your responsibilities right now, but you can let a few slide for the time being. Tackle the most daunting projects first. SAGITTARIUS Nov 23/Dec 21 You cannot avoid a complex issue forever, Sagittarius. Come clean with the person you may have been hiding from, and work with this person to reach a resolution. CAPRICORN Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, it may be frightening to reveal your true feelings about something, especially when the truth might change your life in a dramatic way. Muster your courage. AQUARIUS Jan 21/Feb 18 Others appreciate all that you do for them, Aquarius. But sometimes they have to do for themselves to learn valuable lessons. This week is a time to step aside. PISCES Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, while you are busy helping other people, you may discover that itÕs time to take a step back and tend to your own needs. Amy Alkon