Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/578278
SEPT 30 - OCT 6, 2015 UCW 9 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Donald Trump has seen a small dark cloud on the horizon, no bigger than a woman's hand. He doesn't like it. Due to the sacred powers of caffeine and my enjoyment of bizarre entertainment, I watched the entire three-hour Republican debate. I am quite proud that during the entire production I did not go to sleep nor did I throw anything at the screen. The debate was better than a three-headed goat eating cans. The Talking Heads and pollsters decreed that Carly Fiorina was the undisputed winner of this event. This turn of events did not sit well with The Donald. He has now turned his tender mercies from Jeb Bush to attacking Carly Fiorina. Let us take a trip down Memory Lane to see what Greek Mythology can teach us about the dust up between The Donald and Carly. The Greek god of jealousy was Phthonos which sounds like the root word of phoney. Donald is all eaten up with Phthonos issues. Carly is now absorbing some of the air in the Republican primary class room. Donald is jealous of Carly's new found attention. The Donald appeared on some Sunday news shows and went Full Phthonos on Carly. He had previously made fun of her looks. On the Sunday shows, he expanded his constructive criticism to evaluate her speaking voice and business experience. He sugarcoated his thoughts regarding her short comings by tossing some verbal bouquets at her to include: "She's got a good pitter-patter, but if you listen to her for more than five minutes straight, you get a headache. She did a terrible job at Hewlett-Packard. She did a terrible job at Lucent. I mean, those companies are just a disaster and she destroyed Hewlett- Packard. I mean she's been terrible." Kind of makes you wonder how he really feels about her. Another Greek god who may help us understand The Donald is our old friend and culinary superstar Kronos. Kronos the god of Time, also had jealousy issues similar to Trump. Kronos' dad was Ouranos who was the god of the Sky. Kronos was jealous of his dad. After snipping some significant reproductive parts off dear old dad, Kronos killed him and became Sky King himself. Kronos then heard a prophecy that his own children would kill him and take his throne. "Not gonna happen, wouldn't be prudent," said Kronos. To prevent his kids from becoming his political rivals, Kronos visualized them as California Rolls and swallowed each child whole when they were born. This seemed a sure fire plan to keep the kids from taking his throne. Kronos' wife Rhea didn't much care for this style of parenting. She swapped out a rock wrapped in swaddling clothing and covered in Montreal Steak Seasoning for new born baby Zeus when Kronos came for breakfast. Kronos, being not much of a connoisseur of fine dining, couldn't tell the difference between a baby and a rock. He swallowed the rock. Zeus, being undigested, got to grow up. Zeus ultimately defeated Kronos, tossing him in prison and taking over as King of the gods. The Donald hasn't literally started eating his Republican rivals yet, but his rhetoric against them comes pretty close to Kronos's love for his children. Rick Perry might feel a bit gnawed upon. Trump stopped chewing on low energy Jeb Bush and switched his mastications to Carly. Carly may turn out to be as indigestible to Trump as the rock in swaddling clothes was to Kronos. She doesn't show any signs of backing off criticizing Trump. Her indigestibility will drive the Donald to even greater heights of oral fixation. Let the splendid rumpus continue! Meanwhile over on the Democratic side of the ledger , we find Hillary imitating the Ancient Mariner with her email server tied like an albatross around her neck. To mangle Samuel Taylor Coleridge a bit: "Excuses, excuses everywhere/And all the excuses do shrink/Excuses, excuses everywhere/And yet my polls do sink./" But do not underestimate Hillary. She has her own powerful hunger for higher office that may even outmatch Trump's ability to go for the jugular.. The female Greek god of jealousy is Nemesis. Trump wants the job Hillary wants. It's zero sum city. There is more than a little Nemesis in Hillary. How dandy would that fight be? Trump versus Hillary. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. It will be more fun than a barrel of snakes high on meth. As the Roman Emperor Claudius once said, "Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud, hatch out." Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy night. Dinner With the Donald by PITT DICKEY 3500 Murchison Rd., Fayetteville, NC Schedule & more info at dasbavarianhaus.com FUN, FOOD, FAVORS FOR THE KIDS CHICKEN DANCING! Bavarian Brass Band Gino the Ukranian Accordionist Prizes for best traditional dress Face painting • Photo ops PITT DICKEY, Columnist. COM- MENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200.