Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/558080
AUGUST 19-25, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Gone Juan I'm a 20-year-old woman, and for three months last year, I dated a 21-year-old guy. Suddenly, out of the blue, he stopped returning my calls. I spent about a month trying to find out what had happened, but he wouldn't respond to texts or email, either. Well, last week, I ran into him, and he said he'd just gotten really busy with school. He wants to date again, and I really cared about him, so I'm tempted. — Please Talk Me Out Of It After three months of dating, a breakup phone call (in lieu of face-to-face) would have been semi-appropriate. A text would have been better than nothing. As for your toying with the absolutely absurd notion of dating him again, your slacker of a brain is partly to blame. Admittedly, our brains require a lot of energy to operate, so they like to take energy-saving shortcuts whenever they can. They do this with what I call "thinkpacks" — the brain's version of those Lunchables combo boxes — prepackaged thinking sets that allow us to act automatically (without thinking through every last little detail). But in psychologically complicated situations, these mental shortcuts can get us in trouble. Take the state that social psychologist Leon Festinger named "cognitive dissonance" — our simultaneously holding contradictory beliefs, such as "He's not that into me!" and "He'd make a great boyfriend!" Well, the inconsistency makes us very uncomfortable, so our mind wants to smooth it out pronto. So, easy peasy, no problemo — it typically just up and erases whichever belief goes most poorly with our ego. Unfortunately, reality isn't so simply dispensed with, and before long, "He's not that into me!" is back and "He'd make a great boyfriend!" is facedown in the storm drain behind the dive bar. A way to avoid reality erasing is by getting in the habit of "metacognition" — basically, thinking about your thinking. The guy who came up with the term, developmental psychologist John Flavell, called it "a kind of quality control." In this case, you unpack your thinking about this guy: "He'd make a great boyfriend!" and your wanting to believe things could be different. Lay those out on the bed next to the facts — how he behaved — because what you do reflects who you are and what you're likely to do in the future. In other words, what you can trust about this guy is that you can't trust him to show even the most minimal concern for your feelings — not with even so much as a poop emoji goodbye. Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Ran'dell Busch, 27, was in serious condition after being shot on July 26 near the corner of 18th Street and Emmet Street in Omaha, Nebraska. He was also shot in 2014 around the intersection of 18th and Emmet, and in 2012 was shot in a scuffle after running from the corner of 18th and Emmet. [WOWT-TV (Omaha), 7-30-2015] The Entrepreneurial Spirit! Failed European Business Models: (1) Grande Hotel San Calogero, the planned centerpiece of a Sicilian tourist renaissance, is still nowhere close to opening — 61 years after construction began. It took 30 years to build, but then developers fought for 10 years over its management, and only later was a serious drainage deficiency discovered (repair of which Rome's news site The Local reported in July remains unfunded). (2) Construction of the ultra-modern Don Quixote airport (in Ciudad Real, Spain, about an hour from Madrid) was finished in 2006, but the $1 billion facility never opened, and in July, was sold to a Chinese investor for the equivalent of $11,000. (Bonus: Fictional character Don Quixote was, himself, noted for delusions of grandeur.) [The Local (Rome), 7-16-2015] [Quartz (qz. com), 7-21-2015] Unclear on the Concept: Overlooked by the roundup of "state fair" foods listed in News of the Weird two weeks ago was the debut in June, at California's San Diego County Fair, of the deep-fried Slim-Fast bar. A 200-calorie "diet bar" is breaded in pancake batter, fried, dusted with powdered sugar and drizzled with chocolate. [Huffington Post, 6-8-2015] The Aristocrats! Michael Crawford, 68, was arrested when he arrived in Phoenix in July expecting, according to the sheriff 's office, to have sex with a horse. Crawford had allegedly posted an online ad seeking horse owners who would allow him access for brief flings. In arranging the meeting with the undercover deputy, Crawford had volunteered that he would be bringing five shirts with him for the horse to urinate on, as memories of the trip. [AzFamily.com (Phoenix), 7-12-2015 COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Focus on your finances in the coming week, Aries. This is not just something that should last this week, but for the rest of the month to get your affairs in order. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, you have the opportunity to see yourself more clearly this week. This may help you focus your goals precisely and change your life for the better. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, take some time to review any aspirations you may have pushed aside, especially those pertaining to love. Open your heart instead of turning off feelings. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Surround yourself with friends and loved ones, Cancer. You enjoy spending time with those you love, and time spent that way will make you happier. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, step aside and let someone else shine in the coming days. You enjoy the spotlight, but this person can use a little positive energy coming his or her way. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, it is easy to find yourself pulled in different directions. You want to please everyone at the same time, but that's not always possible. Choose one project. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Courage will be your secret weapon this week, Libra. When everyone else is backing out of a difficult situation, you will rise to the challenge and show your mettle. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, even if you want to pursue personal interests this week, you may not be able to get any time alone. You may need to put aside these tasks and handle what's in front of you. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Use this week to rededicate yourself to diet and exercise, Sagittarius. Don't be distracted from your fitness goals, and you will begin to feel better immediately. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, enjoy this carefree time when you have little on your plate. Such times may be few and far between, but making the most of them can ensure your happiness. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Celebrate your personal successes this week, Aquarius. You deserve any fanfare that you can get. Escape from your responsibilities and share the moment with loved ones. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Minimize any chaos in your life by trying to get into a schedule. Sticking with a routine will make it easier to juggle your responsibilities. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard