Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/476563
MARCH 11-17, 2015 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Taming of the Spew This guy I'm dating usually texts back when I text him. But sometimes, like last night, he doesn't write back. And I'm just texting stuff like "How was your night?" — not "OMG, I miss you." His not responding feels so disrespectful. I want to read him the riot act. — Deeply Upset Unfortunately, it's the rare man who has a mind-reading helmet, and even if this one does, there's a good chance it's in the back of his closet under a pile of socks containing semen specimens from the mid-'90s. So yes, you actually do have to tell a man what you want. But choose your tone wisely. Reading a man the riot act is the right idea if you're just looking to vent and be done with him. Angrily attacking someone or even just criticizing them will set off their fight-or-flight system. Their brain dispatches a bunch of biochemical messengers to alert the internal palace guard that they're under attack. This, in turn, shuts down the systems that aren't necessary for escape or battle, such as their digestive system (yeah, whatever) and their intellect — as in, their ability to consider your point. Oops. To give this guy a chance to hear you and maybe even change his ways, turn to the wisdom of the world's first behavioral economist, Adam Smith. In his 1759 potboiler, The Theory of Moral Sentiments, Smith notes that evoking someone's sympathy motivates them to want to ease the suffering of the person they're feeling sympathy for. In other words, instead of attacking the guy, simply let him know how hurt you feel when you text him and get only the cold glare of the blank screen in response — the equivalent of his replying to some question you ask him at a party by diving over the porch railing into an embankment. Unless he has an ashtray or another small household object where his heart is supposed to be, chances are he'll feel bad that you're feeling bad and try to reassure you. Also, as I explain in Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck, "technology makes a nearly instant response possible; it doesn't mandate it." But by calmly explaining that you'd really appreciate a response — at some point, even the next day — he can lay out what works for him, and the two of you can see whether it's possible to meet in the middle. By talking instead of raging, you'll be getting off to a very good start that transcends problem-solving in the text messaging department. (If you can't tell a guy he's hurting your feelings, how can you tell him, "Slower — and a little to the right"?) AMY ALKON copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The Utah Court of Appeals ruled in February that Barbara Bagley has a legal right to sue herself for her own negligent driving that caused the death of her husband. Typically, in U.S. courts, a party cannot profit from its own negligence, but Bagley is the official "representative" administering her husband's estate and has a duty to claim debts owed to the husband. Those debts would include "wrongful death" damages from a careless driver (actually, the careless driver's insurance company), even if the careless driver was herself. Of course, if her lawsuit is successful, the monetary award would become part of the husband's estate, a portion of which will likely go to her. [Salt Lake Tribune, 2-18-2015] Historical Weird Can't Possibly Be True: For a brief period in 1951 and 1952, an educational kit, the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab, was for sale in the United States even though it came with testable samples of four types of uranium ore and three different radiation sources (alpha, beta, gamma). A surviving copy of the kit has been on display recently at the Ulster Museum in Belfast, Northern Ireland, but the radioactive materials had to be removed before the kit could be shipped to Belfast. (The kit had failed to sell well; kids apparently preferred the company's erector sets.) [BBC News, 2-16- 2015] In February, the Kansas Humanities Council, providing background to a current, traveling Smithsonian Institution exhibit, posted a description of a 1925 baseball game in Wichita in which the professional, all-black Wichita Monrovians took on members of the local Ku Klux Klan. (Historians guessed that the KKK risked the embarrassment of defeat only because it needed the exposure to overcome declining enrollments.) The Monrovians (champions of the Colored Western League the year before) won, 10-8, and the Klan shut down in Kansas two years later. [Kansas Humanities Council , 2-17- 2015] Chuck Sheppard Copyright 2015 ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, give a loved one the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions. This beloved confidante deserves your trust and ardent support. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, expect some powerful emotions to surface when you meet a new person this week. You may be immediately drawn to this individual, so embrace the attraction. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, the week starts off on a bumpy note but quickly turns itself around. By Friday, you will have a smile on your face and be ready to make the most of the weekend. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, some long weeks have left you physically and emotionally wiped out. Take some time out for yourself in the coming days and resist the urge to jump back into the fray too quickly. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 A romance at work begins to heat up, Leo. This may be the perfect opportunity to find your match. Just don't let feelings get in the way of productivity. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 A problem dominates your thoughts as you work to find a solution, Virgo. Until you pull away and focus on something else, you will not be able to see the answer clearly. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you have a difficult decision to make, but forge ahead with what you think is best. Keep a level head and weigh all of the consequences of your decision. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Friends jokingly suggest you have psychic powers, Scorpio. They are put to the test this week when you suspect something is amiss. Rectify the situation in due time. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Avoid taking a big financial risk this week, Sagittarius. Hold on tight to your money and resist the temptation to spend any money for the time being. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, pressure to complete an important project will find its way to you this week. No matter how quickly you need to get things done, calmly approach the tasks at hand. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Resist the instinct to keep your feelings bottled up this week, Aquarius. Get your thoughts out in the open, and you will instantaneously feel much better. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, you will be very productive this week as you benefit from a new outlook. Plan ahead for some magic. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard IN THE MORNING Weekdays 5:30AM to 10:00AM