Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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FEBRUARY 11-17, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Stay at Home Martyr I just moved in with the love of my life. Her former boyfriend from years ago lives in her downstairs "granny unit." My girlfriend recently revealed that along with financially subsidizing him, she's still doing his laundry because "it's just easier." He is 50 and previously earned a lot of money repairing computers and being a handyman, but he is not "into" working. My girlfriend is a therapist and sees a therapist, who has advised a proper separation. Amazingly, my girlfriend would rather she and I move out than insist he leave (though the home and loan are hers!). I'm worried that this will be one long, frustrating ride. — Dumbfounded Though you see your girlfriend as the preyed-upon one here, consider that she's getting something out of this, too, like feeling needed and conflict avoidance. Being conflict-avoidant means refusing to experience legitimate adult discomfort — like the ouchiepoo of telling a full-grown able-bodied man that he needs to go get a job, an apartment and a roll of quarters to do his own laundry. We evolved to be a social species and to care about how others see us. However, we can take this too far, as your girlfriend has, probably out of an overvaluing of relationships (over self) and an ensuing desperate need to be liked. This leads her to shove away her needs, making her the perfect mark for an aging and manipulative slacker — to the point where she stops just short of cradling her adult baby in her lap and feeding him a bottle of pale ale. Life involves making trade-offs. On the one hand, you call her the love of your life. On the other hand, she comes with a man-sized tumor that she seems unwilling to excise from her life and yours. Whatever you decide, avoid telling her what to do (which generally provokes defensiveness, not change). Instead, you can tell her where your "nuh-uh, can't do" point is — like if you ultimately can't live with a woman who is in a relationship with you but has one foot (and her wallet and a couple of laundry baskets) squarely in the life of her ex. It's possible that a real likelihood of losing you could do for her what having a therapist and being a therapist could not — compel her to act assertively. However, you do take a risk in drawing the line. You may decide to just suck it up to keep her, even if it means keeping him. If so, try to focus on the positives of having an adult toddler around — like how he should only need to be taken to the emergency room for the occasional cardiac event and not because he's put yet another bean or Lego up his nose. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The Project Theater Board at Mount Holyoke College in South Hadley, Massachusetts, decided in January to cancel its upcoming annual presentation of the feminist classic Vagina Monologues. The all- women's college recently declared it would admit males who lived and "identified" as female (regardless of genitalia), and the basis for cancellation of Vagina Monologues was that the unmodifiable script is not "inclusive" of those females — that it covers only experiences of females who actually have vaginas. [MassLive.com (Springfield), 1-16-2015, citing CampusReform.org, 1-15- 2015] No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Kathi Fedden filed a $30 million wrongful death lawsuit in December against Suffolk County, New York, police after her 29-year- old son, driving drunk in 2013, fatally crashed into an office. She reasons that the son's death is the fault of the police officer who stopped him earlier that evening and who must have noticed he was already drunk but did not arrest him. The officer, who knew the son as the owner of a popular-with-police local delicatessen, merely gave the son a lift home, but the son later drove off in his mother's car, in which he had the fatal crash. [WNBC-TV (New York City), 12-18- 2014] A generous resident (name withheld by KDKA-TV) of South Oakland, Pennsylvania, in seasonal spirit the week before Christmas, invited a pregnant, homeless woman she had met at a Rite Aid store home with her for a hot shower, a change of clothes and a warm bed for the night. The resident was forced to call police, though, when she went to check up on her guest and discovered her engaging in sexual activity with the resident's pit bull. The guest, enraged at being caught, vandalized the home before officers arrived to arrest her. [KDKA-TV, 1-6-2015] The New Normal The website/smartphone app Airbnb, launched in 2008, connects travelers seeking lodging with individuals offering private facilities at certain prices. About a year ago, entrepreneur Travis Laurendine launched a similar smartphone app, "Airpnp," to connect people walking around select cities and needing access to a toilet, listing residents who make their utilities available, with description and price. Laurendine told the New York Post in January that New York City is a promising market (though his two best cities are New Orleans and Antwerp, Belgium). The prices vary from free to $20, and the facilities range from a sweet-smelling room stocked with reading material to a barely maintained toilet (with no lavatory), but, said one supplier, sometimes people "really need to go, and this will have to do." [New York Post, 1-18-2015] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, tackle a problem that's been puzzling you head-on this week. A direct approach may just provide you the unique perspective you need to crack this nut. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, state your case carefully when you attempt to get your point across at work. Others will appreciate your thoughtful approach and respond positively. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you are up to your ears in work and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet. Rest assured that it's there, but it could take a few more days in the trenches. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Various responsibilities require your full attention this week, Cancer. Don't be afraid to accept some help so you can get everything done on time. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, you are invested in reaching a goal, and those around you are inspired by your gusto. Make the most of your energy and help others harness theirs if given the chance. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you work best when you have a plan in place. While you are not usually appreciative of surprises, this week you are willing to be a little more flexible. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 A disagreement at work has you unsure about what side to support, Libra. Stay neutral for the time being until you can get a better grasp of the situation. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, focus on issues at work this week. Channel your energy into productivity at the office, and know that there will be time to daydream down the road. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 You may feel strong winds of change blowing in your direction, Sagittarius, and you do not know what is in store for you. Sometimes it can be exciting to be surprised. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, look forward to the weeks ahead, as some good news is on the horizon. Allow others around you to share in the good times ahead. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, revisit your career goals this week. Even if your goals seem ever-changing, it can be productive to reexamine them from time to time. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Keep things simple this week, Pisces. You will have a lot on your plate in the days ahead, but it's nothing you can't handle Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard IN THE MORNING Weekdays 5:30AM to 10:00AM