Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/44166
8A Daily News – Friday, October 7, 2011 FEATURES Inconsiderate ilk intensely irritating Dear Annie: My wife, ''Elizabeth,'' is wheelchair bound with multiple sclero- sis and needs constant care, which I have been doing alone for years. Our family members become irritated when we don't attend birthdays, wed- dings or other family gath- erings. They show no con- cern for the massive effort on my part to get my beau- tiful wife up and around. It's always about them. When I had bypass surgery, only my mother and one niece and her husband visit- ed while I was in the hospital. It's a me, me, me world for them. These relatives think all gather- ings should be at my house with me doing all the work. They sit at the table watching me prepare, cook and serve the meal while simultaneously attending to my wife's needs. I have explained that I will no longer wait on them. Neither side of the family has offered any assistance or relief, and it aggravates the bejeevers out of me that they think I'm some kind of spoilsport. They say I am ''anti-fam- ily.'' As my wife's disease progress- es, this is only going to get worse. I have attempted to talk to the rel- atives, but their needs always super- sede mine. Do you have any sugges- tions? — Maine Husband Dear Maine: Your devotion to your wife is lovely, but your rela- tives apparently aren't willing to put forth the energy to deal with your Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar endless day-to-day needs. You cannot count on them to come through for you, so please do whatever is neces- sary to cope. Contact the National Family Caregivers Association (nfcacares.org) and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (nationalmssociety.org) for support. And if you choose to host a family gathering, do not hesitate to delegate chores in advance. Have siblings bring specific food items. Assign clean- up duties to the nieces and nephews. Tell them you enjoy seeing the fam- ily, but gatherings at your home necessitate that everyone pitch in. Dear Annie: My problem is a so-called friend who believes she's an expert on everything. She sucks the oxygen out of every conversa- tion and has alienated her family and most of her friends. Talking to her is downright painful. She has said to me, ''Janet ended our phone conversation so abruptly it was almost as if she hung up on me.'' She is clueless. She also refers to me as her ''best friend,'' which I am not. I have best friends and know the difference. Those special relationships are filled with give and take and have been nurtured for decades. I have known Ms. Know-it-All for two years and am more tolerant than most, but I think I'm done. I am not a mean person, and not returning her phone calls seems cruel. How do I end this relation- ship? — California Dear California: This is one of those situations where you have nothing to lose by being honest, and it might do some good. Tell Ms. Know-it-All that her need to impress everyone by claiming expertise in every subject gives the impression that she is insecure and makes conversation exhausting. Be polite and apologetic for hurting her feelings, and explain that you thought she should know so she can work on it. Dear Annie: ''Suffering Soon- To-Be Ex'' made the mistake of joking that he wished he'd grabbed his wife's sister. Now his wife won't forgive him. I can relate to his wife. My husband and I sat with a large group of friends one evening, and my husband made the comment that he had more fun when I wasn't there. It ruined the weekend not only for me, but for our friends, as well. I will remember that comment and carry the hurt for a very long time. — My Sympathies to the Woman Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. News tip? Call 527-2151 You can't use up your joints by using them DEAR DOC- TOR K: I am in my mid-30s and like to run for exercise. The problem is that I have creaky knees. I haven't experi- enced pain yet, but my husband thinks I'm wearing my knees out and that I'll give myself arthritis. Is this pos- sible? Should I give up on vigorous exercise? Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: When I was little, my father often told me to "slow down or you'll wear out your joints." (I guess I was a little hyper- active.) A lot of people — like your husband and like my father — think that our joints are like car tires. Which is to say, they believe using them wears them out, and the more you use them, the faster they'll need to be replaced. While this may be true for tires, the same can- not be said for your joints. For example, I had a joint wear out in my right hip. My hip bone was rubbing against my thigh bone, and it hurt. Of course, every time we stand up, walk or run, we are putting pressure on the hip joint. But we're putting pressure on both hip joints, since we're using two legs. Yet my left hip was com- pletely normal. I got a right hip replacement, and the pain has been gone ever since. Many of my patients are like me: just one bad hip or knee. So it's not as simple as saying you wear out your joints by using them. The risk factors that actually lead to arthritis are advanced age, obe- sity, a family histo- ry of arthritis, injury (espe- cially a fracture that involves the joint), and rheumatoid arthritis or another type of chronic joint inflammation. So, although it's clear that running stresses the knees, ankles and other joints that bear weight, research doesn't clearly show that running is bad for the joints. In fact, our muscles actually protect our joints by reducing some of the pressure on them. Not exercising regu- larly can weaken the mus- cles and thereby make the joints more prone to dam- age. That said, a sudden, Grapevine Wreath Class Friday, October 7th & Saturday, October 8th @ 10:00 am $10.00 per person Please call to reserve a seat Red Bluff Garden Center 527-0886 766 Antelope Blvd. (Next to the Fairground) severe injury (a fracture or ligament tear) could cause cartilage damage that can lead to osteoarthritis. Or a muscle injury can weaken a muscle that helps to protect a joint. I tell my patients to start an exercise program gradually, and to back off if they feel pain during or after exercise. A joint will tell you if it is under exces- sive stress while you exer- cise, by causing you pain. Listen to your joints. If run- ning ever hurts, try swim- ming or biking instead. So why did one of my hips go bad, but the other didn't? I had an injury to the main muscle in my right thigh when I was a teenager. That muscle has never been as strong since. Years of jogging on asphalt probably put too much stress on my right hip. I should have stopped jog- ging when my right hip started to hurt, but I didn't. Yes, doctors can make dumb mistakes. Bottom line: You can't "use up" your joints by using them. In fact, moving is better than not moving — for your joints and for your overall health. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com.