Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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6 JULY 6-12, 2016 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Free at last. Free at last. Great K-Cups almighty, I am free at last. I have kicked the K-Cup. Unless you have been living in a quiet decaffeinated space under a chamomile tea bag, you can't avoid the coffee brewer known as the K-Cup. The K-Cups were invented by John Sylvan. Sylvan now regrets inventing the K-Cup. He is quoted in The Atlantic as saying K-Cups are "like a cigarette for coffee. A single service delivery mechanism for an addictive substance." According to The Atlantic, Sylvan invented the K-Cup as a response to the dreadful coffee services that used to dominate offices. In the pre K-Cup Dark Ages, offices would buy a giant percolator and expensive lousy coffee from a commercial supplier. You got questionable coffee to wake up and energize your office. Our office had one of these coffee services for many years. As The Donald would say, "Sad." Several years ago our office moved into the land of K-Cups. The K-Cup provided single servings of coffee that had not sat in the bottom of a coffee pot all day long coagulating into a thick viscous miasma the consistency of 30-weight motor oil. The office system worked so well that I bought a K-Cup system for home. Our first home brewer lasted about two years until it went dark, never to heat again. We bought another brewer about six months ago. I named it Hal. Hal was the new improved 2.0 version. Hal cost more and lasted about three months before having a nervous break down. Our new brewer, Hal, was trouble from almost the get-go. After a short while, Hal started dribbling coffee out slower and slower. Hal must have had prostate trouble, as his once proud rapid coffee stream became a mere leak. Hal developed dementia and could not remember whether he was making 4 ounces or 10 ounces of coffee. His confusion meant you had to stand there and wait for Hal to stop dribbling. The old adage of a watched pot never boils came to mind. After Hal filled a cup, I would put another cup under the spout to catch whatever else Hal released into the wild. I bought Hal a small $20 bottle of K-Cup cleanser to see if I could unharden his arteries. It did not help. Hal lapsed into a permanent sclerotic vegetative state. Frustrated with Hal's cognitive and physical decline, I went retro and bought a Joe Dimaggio $32 Mr. Coffee maker. It's simple and it works. Joe even has a timer to make coffee before I wake up. When using Hal, I felt obligated to use the same sized coffee cup so as not to waste any of the precious bodily fluids Hal expelled. With Mr. Coffee, I can pour the amount of coffee I want. This allows me to use my Dad's old office coffee mug, which was really too small to use with Hal. Drinking from my Dad's coffee mug unleashed a flood of nostalgia for coffee pots of yesteryear. During my childhood my parents used a shiny metallic percolator to make coffee every morning. The percolator made a great sound as it perked. Instead of whistling while it worked, it sighed a sad tune. It would softly moan OOOOH, OOOOH, OOOOH, until its work was done and it was coffee time. It sat on the table while we ate breakfast. We watched Jesse Helms on Channel 5 griping about hippies, commies and uppity women at 7:25 every morning before school. Precious memories. How they linger. Being free of the chains of K-Cups, I resemble an obnoxious reformed alcoholic telling people to stop drinking. K-Cups ain't cheap. You can spend 50 to 70 cents per coffee pod. The Atlantic advises there are 11 grams of coffee in a pod. This amounts to about $40 per pound. The used up plastic pods clog the environment. According to The Atlantic, there were more than 9 billion K-Cups sold in 2014. That many K-Cups would wrap around the Earth over 10.5 times. The K-Cup manufacturer has a goal of making the pods recyclable by 2020. Don't hold your breath. That's a lot of plastic permanently in the old land fill. Not everybody loves the K-Cup. There is a fascinating video on YouTube at www.killthekcup in which giant K-Cup monsters attack a city and squash people with a barrage of K-Cups being shot through the air. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and watch it. The best part of waking up, is no K-Cup in your cup. Coffee Pots I have Known and Loved by PITT DICKEY OPINION Sometimes newer is not better. PITT DICKEY. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. For tickets go to gilberttheater.com or contact our box oce at 910-678-7186 boxoce@gilberttheater.com This project is supported by the Arts Council in part by contributions from businesses and individuals, and through grants from the City of Fayetteville, Cumberland County and the North Carolina Arts Council, an agency of the Department of Cultural Resources. BUY ONE REGULARLY PRICED TICKET ($16) and see any performance all week or any day -- one ticket buys a week of entertainment! WEDNESDAY JULY 20 - SUNDAY, JULY 24 FEATURING: Bloody Mary The Cage To Be a God A 1964 Thunderbird The One That Got Away On the Dreamhouse Sea