Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/366230
AUGUST 20-26, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Under New Anger Management When my boyfriend and I started dating, he was kind of a hothead. His first encounter with my friends was a game of touch football on the beach. He and another guy collided, and he lost his temper. There was a good bit of yelling, and I think people were pretty shocked. To his credit, he realized he had an anger problem. Over time, he has worked hard on it, and now he doesn't blow up anymore. He really is a changed man, and I thought people would recognize it, but I've recently learned that they all still see him as the scary- angry guy. Is there any way to change that? — Asking For A Second Chance Sure, in the months following that friendly Sunday afternoon death match, your friends had various opportunities to see that your boyfriend's changed. Sadly, this probably hasn't made the slightest dent in their opinion of him, thanks to our brain's penchant for energy conservation. Once we've figured something out — some bit of information or how to do something — our brain creates a cognitive shortcut, shrink-wrapping and storing the knowledge set so, the next time around, we'll react automatically instead of having to think the thing through. Unfortunately, this autothink makes undoing first impressions like trying to unspill red wine on a white rug. The next time we see a person, our brain shoves us our mental flashcard on them — "Oh, right, Explody McSploderson." Researchers, predictably, call this cognitive laziness "first impression bias." It's a form of confirmation bias, our tendency to favor information that confirms our beliefs and ignore any that suggests we might be mistaken. A way to overcome first impression bias, suggested by research by Kai H. Lim, is presenting new information about your boyfriend in such "unambiguous" and "vivid" ways that it becomes hard to ignore. Tell friends straight-out that he's changed, and explain his motivation — ideally while walking past him meditating on a park bench with the Dalai Lama or running a rescue for hummingbird single mothers. At the very least, tell stories — true stories — laying out how differently he now responds. Information presented in story form tends to be stickier, and "vivid" mental pictures of his transformation may quash the ambiguity that helps maintain first impression bias. Finally, add a call to action — a request that friends give him a second look through the lens of this new information. They just might see that they can sit down to dinner with the guy without worrying he'll go off on them: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You bumped my arm reaching for the bread. Prepare to die!" WEEKLY HOROSCOPES ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, sometimes you just need to put a different spin on things to get your way. Instead of being too pushy with things, relax a bit and let others come to you. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, ask for further clarification if there is something you don't understand. Do not make important decisions until you understand all of the pertinent details. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, now is a good time to plan an outing with family members. It's been awhile since you've made some memories together, and your schedule affords you this opportunity. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 How do you know how others will react to your requests if you never drum up the courage to ask, Cancer? Let your feelings be known this week and take a risk. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, enjoy an upcoming reunion with a friend you haven't seen in some time. Make the most of this opportunity to catch up and recall old times. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you have much-needed rest and relaxation coming your way. Let loose this week and enjoy the freedom. Enlist others to join in the fun. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, an opportunity to jump on the career path you always had in mind for yourself is about to present itself. Do everything in your power to make the job yours. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, distractions are all around you and you find it difficult to stay focused on one thing at a time. Try separating yourself from all external stimulation for a few days. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Something inspires you to give a relationship another chance, Sagittarius. Maybe it was the lyrics to a song or a segment on a television show, but you are moved to action. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Obligations at home could temporarily stall work plans, Capricorn. Fortunately, you have understanding bosses who are willing to give you the time you need. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, your friends are great sources of unconditional support. Lean on them for advice as you make an important decision in the coming weeks. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, try some things that fall outside of your comfort zone. The adventure will recharge your batteries and may prove inspiring. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Jeff Mizanskey, 61, is a poster child for one well- known criticism of mandatory- minimum sentencing laws — that nonviolent marijuana users (and small-time sellers) may wind up doing decades of hard time and in fact more time than some sociopathic offenders serve for heinous offenses. Mizanskey is 20 years into a life sentence with no possibility of parole for several violations of Missouri's "prior and persistent drug offender" law, and his only chance for freedom is a clemency plea now under consideration by Gov. Jay Nixon (and still opposed by Mizanskey's prosecutor). [KCTV, 5-29-2014] Weird Old World Unconventional Food Prep: Leaked photographs taken by an undercover health and safety officer at China's Tongcheng Rice Noodle Factory in Dongguan city in June show workers in street clothes casually walking back and forth atop piles of vermicelli noodles about to be packaged for shipment to stores. Some workers were even seen lounging or sleeping on the mountains of noodles. (In 1992, News of the Weird noted that health officials in South Dennis, Massachusetts, had closed the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant for various violations, including the restaurant's habit of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing the bags between pieces of plywood in the parking lot and driving over them with a van.) [Ninemsn. com (Sydney), 6-12-2014] [Brewster Oracle, 8-21-92] Unclear on the Concept: Werner Purkhart, who has been running a "silent disco" in Salzburg, Austria, for four years, was denied renewal of his business permit in July, supposedly because his parties were too loud. At a silent disco, each dancer wears headphones to hear radio-transmitted music; to those without headphones, the roomful of swaying, swinging dancers is eerily quiet. Salzburg Mayor Heinz Schaden said it was still too loud. "The noise ... is keeping (the neighbors) up." [The Local (Vienna), 7-17-2014] "The Chinese fondness for napping in odd places is a well-documented phenomenon, one that's spawned a popular website and even a book," wrote The Wall Street Journal in a July dispatch. In a recent photo essay, a Getty Images photographer captured a series of shots of customers catching 40 winks in various furniture departments of IKEA stores, which officially does "not see it as a problem," according to a spokesman. Maybe "we can sell an extra mattress or two." [Wall Street Journal, 7-8-2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard