Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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APRIL 9-15, 2014 UCW 7 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Russian President Vlad "the Impaler" Putin has gotten some bad press lately. Like the zombies in the Walking Dead, the U.S.S.R. is back from the grave. Our old Cold War nemesis, the U.S.S.R. has been reanimated as Russia to chomp on pieces of Eastern Europe. Vlad is seeking Lebensraum for Russia courtesy of Crimea and chunks of Ukraine, Moldovia and possibly Ruritania. Lebensraum is the German word for "I like your house and I am going to take it. Now get out now or eat lead." Like the Greeks, the Germans had a word for it. After Vlad annexed Crimea into Russia, some soreheads accused him of being unpleasant. Vlad's Q factor, which measures personal popularity has dropped in the West, while hitting new heights of Q-dom in the Russian Motherland. Vlad is not one who does things halfway. He wants everyone to love him, not just readers of Pravda. Accordingly, Vlad is embarking on a charm offensive to make us forget about Crimea. When a celebrity in the West creates a personal mess that hits the news there is a prescribed pattern for regaining popularity. Vlad is no dummy, if reputation rehabilitation almost worked for Lance Armstrong, maybe it will work for Vlad. Vlad has hired the public relations firm of Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe to recover his reputation in America. Our man Putin is going to be on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, tripping the light fantastic all over Eastern Europe. Vlad tests very poorly with gays due to some unfortunate statements he made regarding their right to exist. To restore his reputation with gays and transgendered folks, Vlad's dance partner will be Chaz Bono. Like every other disgraced celeb, Vlad will appear on the Oprah Show fessing up to his psychological problem of wanting to eat small countries. After an hour of genuflecting in front of Oprah, she will grant him absolution. Oprah will present him with a coupon for a course of weight-loss treatment to help him stop overeating small countries. Vlad has lined up a number of commercial endorsement deals designed to soften his image. He will be in an Acme Dental Floss ad to display his lifelong interest in dental hygiene. The Acme ad shows Vlad promising to floss his fangs after eating any small country. "You only have to floss the fangs you want to keep" is his tag line. He will be appearing with McGruff the Crimea Dog promising to take a bite out of Poland. Vlad will appear in series of light hearted ads for Ritz crackers featuring the tag line "Putin on the Ritz" in which he reveals that Ritz crackers are an excellent accompaniment when snacking on small countries. Another ad Vlad will appear in is for potato chips in which he compares eating potato chips to eating small countries. Vlad: "Whether I am devouring a small country or a bag of potato chips, it's hard for me to stop. Bet you can't eat just one." Vlad's PR firm suggested that a good way for Vlad to appear less vile is to compare him to people who are even more unpopular than he is. To that end, Vlad is going to travel around the United States with a dunking booth on his Look Down that Loathsome Road tour with Woody Allen, Mel Gibson, Justin Bieber and the President of Duke Energy. Compared to those guys, Vlad doesn't look so bad. Admittedly Vlad has had some trouble booking into major venues like Madison Square Garden due to his current unpopularity. However Vlad and his entourage will set up their dunking booth at Bubba Murray's athletic field behind the solid waste treatment plant at Kipling, N.C., over the Easter weekend. To bring a local touch to the festivities, Vlad's dunking booth is filled with coal ash water direct from the Dan River. For only $5 a throw you will get the chance to drop one of these individuals into a bath of arsenic and heavy metals. From Russia with love, Vlad will be coming to your town and lots of Eastern European countries this Spring. Dancing with the Czars by PITT DICKEY PITT DICKEY, Attorney, Contribut- ing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. Putin on the Ritz Why stay informed about child sexual abuse? CSA is no stranger to Cumberland County and the surrounding area. Last year, the Child Advocacy Center assisted almost 500 families through the trauma of alleged child abuse. Recently, Chancellor James Anderson of Fayetteville State University, the keynote speaker at the 2014 Human Relations Commission Recognition Banquet, spoke hauntingly about the loss of 5-year-old Shaniya Davis in 2009. He reminded us of our personal responsibility to the children and youth in our community — to keep them safe, healthy and whole. Child abuse, in general, and child sexual abuse, in particular, are neither vile subjects that we can wish away, nor can we afford to pretend they do not exist in our community. April is National Child Abuse Month. In an effort to educate the community, the CAC sponsors an annual conference that informs participants about topics of concern regarding children and youth. This year's event, A Community Cares: Putting Our Children First, is on April 15, at the John D. Fuller Recreation Center. Unable to attend this informative program? Here are three ways you can be an active participant in eradicating child sexual abuse and other forms of child abuse. Use Social Media. Follow people and organizations dedicated to preventing CSA on Facebook and Twitter. Personally, I follow Erin Merryn, a tireless advocate for the prevention of CSA and an adult survivor, who details her work to pass Erin's Law at facebook.com/Erin'sLaw and @ErinMerryn on Twitter. Briefly, Erin's Law focuses on legislation requiring developmentally appropriate curriculum to increase the awareness of child sexual abuse for children and youth. More details of Erin's Law are at www.erinslaw.org. Another organization committed to the prevention of child sexual abuse is Stop It Now!, Twitter handle @StopItNow. Locally, the Child Advocacy Center's Facebook page, facebook. com/CACFayNC and Twitter account, @fayNCcac, share news of local events and information in the fight against CSA. Attend Local Events. Recently, the Junior League of Fayetteville sponsored a Women's Conference featuring Dr. Sharon Cooper, an expert on all areas of child sexual exploitation, as a plenary speaker and workshop presenter. Unflinchingly, Dr. Cooper, in her talk Protecting Girls: A Community Response, presented research and human stories on the sexualization of our society, and of our young girls, in particular. On April 10 at 6 p.m., Cumberland County Schools Student Services, Cumberland County District Parent Teacher Association and the Child Advocacy Center will host a screening of the documentary film, Chosen, at Douglas Byrd High School Auditorium. Chosen is a prevention film produced by Shared Hope International that highlights the true story of two "All American" teenage girls who were tricked into sexual trafficking. Dr. Cooper will be the facilitator. No registration is required to attend this free workshop. Be on the lookout for similar events in our community and become an active participant in the work to protect our children and youth. Support the Child Advocacy Center. The Child Advocacy Center is a non-profit organization that welcomes volunteer assistance in multiple ways. Interested in volunteering? Call Faith Boehmer, prevention and volunteer coordinator, at 910.486.9700. Another way to champion the work of the CAC is to attend events like the aforementioned April conference, the recent American Girl Fashion Show, or the upcoming Gently Loved Purse Sale. Check the CAC's website, www. childadvocacycenter.com for information about volunteer opportunities and upcoming events. This is our community and it is our responsibility to take care of all of our children and youth. BELINDA WILKERSON, Ed.D., Owner of Steps to the Future, LLC, and Chairman of Cumberland County Community Coalition for the Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200 A Call to Action: Stay Informed about Child Sexual Abuse by BELINDA WILKERSON