Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/283511
MARCH 26 - APRIL 1, 2014 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS SERF'S UP! My boyfriend works at a hardware store and can fix things, and in the past six months, his sister and her husband have asked him to install their new kitchen faucet, mend their fence (with the husband's help), and assemble a lawnmower. They are lawyers and could afford a handyman. Instead, they feed him a crappy $15 meal, despite knowing that we struggle to make ends meet. They do invite us to dinner parties, and he lived at their house rent-free for six months when he moved here for college. He isn't a pushover but says, "You're always supposed to help family." When I bring up their taking advantage of him, it always causes a fight because he won't see my point of view. --Frustrated When you're invited to somebody's home for dinner, good manners dictate that you bring something, but maybe a bottle of wine or a pie, not a shovel so you can dig the hole for their new septic tank: "Dinner will be served after a little light plumbing." The way you see it, unless a person's relative is Jimmy Carter, he shouldn't be inviting them over for an afternoon of home improvement. Well, that's how it works in your boyfriend's family culture. Their way isn't wrong; it's just different from your way. But perhaps because you're focused on the tumbleweed blowing through your bank account, you're succumbing to "confirmation bias," our tendency to cling to information that confirms our beliefs and shoves aside information that doesn't, like how these two previously "exploited" your boyfriend by letting him live rent-free at their place for six months. Chances are, this has more than paid for his occasional handymanning. And while he's got a way with a screwdriver, I would guess that if he had a legal issue, sis would help him and follow up with a hug instead of a bill with a threat to ruin his credit if he doesn't pay within seven days. The issue you should be worried about is tucked in at the end of your letter. It's your style of conflict resolution, which appears to be, "There are two ways to see an issue, my way or my way." This is a viable strategy if you've just mounted a successful military coup on a small Central American nation. It's far less effective when you're in a relationship with a man who is able to open doors and walk through them carrying boxes. Every relationship comes with unsolvable problems. Identifying this as one of them should help you stop badgering your boyfriend to change. You should also figure out the fears behind your stance. Telling him your fears will allow him to listen and reassure you in a way he can't when you're nagging him to stop being there for people who matter to him. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19). If you're aligned with your values, why change? Maybe it's the cast of characters or the situation that needs to change and not you. Seek new scenery and people. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). If the television or radio is on all of the time, it will drown out your thoughts. Right now your thoughts need conscious processing that is best accomplished in quiet and stillness. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Put love in its proper place: above everything else. Pettiness needs to be stopped in order to protect love's bond. Let the small stuff go in favor of the big picture as seen by your heart. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You raise the bar repeatedly, and you and your loved ones often jump over it, even when it gets very high. No one can do this every time. Landing in the sand every once in a while is normal. Go easy on yourself and others. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Unfortunately, selfish narcissists usually don't see themselves as people who sorely need to give and empathize. The best you can do is model the behavior you want to see in others. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Isolation isn't good for humans. Whether your feelings are positive or negative, share them. When you share, you'll feel supported and loved. Keep it to yourself, and you'll soon believe that no one understands you. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). In your quest to do the best job you possibly can, you risk overdoing it. Tap into your inner wisdom and ask it to stop you from focusing too narrowly and obsessing over unimportant details. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Time is elastic. When you don't have enough to do, it stretches out in front of you. When you have too much to do, it snaps back to enforce a very real limitation. Fill yourschedule, but leave room around each item. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). New technology comes into your realm, asking you to quickly decide whether it's something you want or not. You will quickly update your frame of reference to keep your discernment current. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Once you adjust your expectations of people with consideration for their age, personality type and past performance, you will relate to all with ease and enjoyment. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Amidst the hundreds of daily transactions your hands will execute today, one really deserves to be a sacred exchange. What will make it so? The sacred quality of attention you give it. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Just as there is an adjustment period in which you are getting used to a system update on your computer or phone, there will be an adjustment phase as you warm up to a loved one's self- improvement efforts. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In February, the Tennessee Supreme Court ruled that David Bell could not avoid being charged with DUI merely because he had been sober enough to pass all six "field sobriety tests" administered during a traffic stop. It was enough, the court said, that he had admitted drinking that night. A few days later, the Austin American-Statesman reported on Texan Larry Davis' struggle to clear the 2013 DWI arrest from his record — since he had blown a 0.0 alcohol reading that night and then had voluntarily undergone a blood test for other impairing drugs and come up clean on that. Davis had admitted to "one drink," but allegedly failed a "field sobriety test" (in the opinion of the arresting officer, anyway). (Davis' case is still unresolved, but since he has been declared an "indigent," the state covers his legal expenses.) [Associated Press via WRCB-TV (Chattanooga), 2-21- 2014] [Austin American-Statesman, 2-24- 2013] Briton Jack Harvey, 42, drew a three- plus-year sentence in Truro Crown Court in February following his guilty plea on drug charges. Earlier, he had insisted that police had planted the drugs they found in his house and car, and even that a stranger (maybe "some filthy woman," he said) must be the owner of that cocaine and heroin that police found taped to his testicles. [WestBriton.co.uk, 2-6-2014] Logical: (1) John Rogers of Geneva, Fla., recently acquitted in a shooting death (using Florida's "stand your ground" defense), convinced a judge in February to return his guns, which police had confiscated when they arrested him. Rogers said he needs the guns for protection because he is particularly vulnerable — in that he is blind. (2) Rogerio Scotton, challenging federal charges in January that he lied to immigration officials about his "marriage" to a Cuban woman (a "sham," said prosecutors), offered to prove the matrimony's bona fides by showing the couple's conjugal-bed videos in open court. (The judge instructed Scotton to find a "less intrusive" way to make the same point.) [WESH-TV (Orlando), 2-21-2014] [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 1-22-2014] The firm 3D Babies has begun selling (for $800) 8-inch-long fetal sculptures developed from 3-D ultrasound images, computer graphics and 3-D printing technology ("printing" successive layers of material continuously, eventually creating a physical object). (Four-inch and 2-inch models are available for $400 and $200, respectively.) [FastCoDesign.com, 1-17- 2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard By Holiday Mathis Visit our website for food and drink specials! MacSpeedShop.com 4 8 2 N . M C P H E R S O N C H U RC H R D . SMOKIN' DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS OVER 200 CRAFT BEERS BIKE NIGHTS • LIVE MUSIC • CATERING Ballet Classics The North Carolina State Ballet presents Directed by Charlotte Blume ACT II Swan Lake "Fairies" Prologue Sleeping Beauty "Jupiter" Holst's The Planets Sunday, March 30 3:00 p.m. Reeves Auditorium, Methodist University Tickets available on-line at www.ncstateballet.com, and at the door Children under 12 Free Admission. Dr. J. Michael Ruff Periodontics & Implants Check the reviews in www.upandcomingweekly.com 208 Rowan St. 910.484.6200 "IS THE PLAY FILM BALLET CONCERT ART SHOW RESTAURANT ANY GOOD?"