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Thursday, November 8, 2012 – Daily News FEATURES Hubby strayed just one month into marriage Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for only one month, and he already has had a brief fling with a woman from his office. This caught me com- pletely off guard. I thought we were happy, and I am pretty sure my husband enjoys being married to me. He always says I am much more than he deserves. I have repeatedly asked him why he would cheat on me. He says he needs more sex with different females to be sat- isfied. What should I do? — New Bride Dear New Bride: Your husband is telling you quite frankly that he needs more than one sexual partner. This means he is likely to cheat on you multiple times in the future. Unless this is your idea of a good marriage, we don't see much hope. Get checked for sexually transmit- ted diseases, and then see a coun- selor and figure out your next move. Dear Annie: I am in my mid- 20s, married with children. My mother lives with us. In fact, I've never lived without her, and now I want my family to have a place of our own. Having Mom here has been good because it helps cut expenses and she watches our kids. I love her so much, and she is my best friend, but I am really ready to do everything on my own. By Jennifer Cooper Social Security district man- ager in Redding One of the most popular traditional holiday songs is "The Twelve Days of Christmas." It's been a hol- iday favorite since it was published in 1780. Last year, we introduced our own classic: "The Twelve Sites of Social Security." It was a big hit, so we've remixed it for the new holi- day season. For the first site of Social Security, we present to you: our home page, www.socialsecurity.gov. It's the place to go for all things Social Security. Everything you could want — from online services and benefit screening tools to publications and press releases — you can find easily from this starting place. For the second site of Social Security, we present to you: our brand new online Statement. You'll find it at www.socialsecuri- Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar close by but separate. We can't afford a brand-new house, although we are saving for one. How can I get Mom to understand? — Lost in Mother's Feelings Dear Lost: You don't need Mom to understand. You are a married woman with a family. You are enti- tled to have a place of your own. Mom is never going to like it, but she can get used to it. And she will still see the grandchildren as often as you permit, which we suspect will be every day. And it won't be that easy for you, either, but it's time to cut the apron strings. Discuss this with your husband and form a united front. Then tell your mother that this is what you are going to do, you're sorry if she's upset, you love her and she is wel- come to visit. Dear Annie: This is in response to ''Trying To Avoid a Christmas When I asked my mother about getting a separate place, it really hurt her. She cried because she wouldn't be with her grandchildren every day. She was so upset that I gave in and said maybe we should just get a bigger house. Annie, I don't want a big- ger house. I want a small place with just my husband and children. We thought about getting a two-family home so Mom would be ty.gov/mystatement. The Statement provides you with a personalized esti- mate of future Social Secu- rity benefits — retirement, disability, and survivors. It also provides your earnings record for your lifetime, allowing you to check to make sure your earnings are posted correctly. For the third site of Social Security, we present to you: an easy way to learn how to replace your Social Security card at www.socialsecurity.gov/ssn umber. For the fourth site of Social Security, we present to you: an online applica- tion for retirement benefits that you can complete and submit in as little as 15 min- utes at www.socialsecuri- ty.gov/applytoretire. For the fifth site of Social Security, we present to you: five estimates of your future Social Security benefits! Or one, or as many estimates as you would like using different scenarios. Get instant, per- Circus this Year,'' whose mother has been giving unequal gifts to the grandchildren. receive different monetary gifts, and it has nothing to do with favoritism or need. I love them all equally, and their parents are well off financially. However, three of them are appre- ciative and send me thank-you notes. They are three sweet boys who love to hug and visit with me when I'm at their home. The other three, however, are spoiled and wouldn't know a thank-you note from a grocery list. They take my gifts for granted and barely say hello when I visit. I have six grandchildren who give everyone presents and try to form relationships with all the grandkids, but would no longer serve as an ATM for the ungrateful, uncaring ones. As far as I'm con- cerned, a gift is something one chooses to give and should not be expected or judged. — Texas I finally decided that I would The 12 sites of Social Security sonalized estimates of your future benefits at www.socialsecurity.gov/est imator. For the sixth site of Social Security, we present to you: a secure, convenient way to apply for disability benefits at www.socialsecu- rity.gov/applyfordisability. For the seventh site of Social Security, we present to you: an online applica- tion for Medicare that you can complete in as little as 10 minutes, at www.socialsecurity.gov/me dicareonly. For the eighth site of Social Security, we present to you: Extra Help with Medicare prescription drug costs. You can learn more and apply online at www.socialsecurity.gov/pre scriptionhelp. For the ninth site of Social Security, we present to you: our convenient pub- lication library with online booklets and pamphlets on numerous subjects, at www.socialsecurity.gov/pu bs. Dear Texas: Although you say it is not a matter of favoritism, you have, in fact, learned to favor those children who are affectionate and grateful (which is not surprising). Young children need to be taught manners. While the parents should be doing that job, you are also in a position to be their instructor. You will be giving them lessons that will serve them well in the future. For the tenth site of Social Security, we present to you: America's most popular baby names. Learn about popular baby names and trends based on Social Security card applications over the years at www.socialsecurity.gov/O ACT/babynames. For the eleventh site of Social Security, we present to you: a way to get your Social Security forms online, at www.socialsecu- rity.gov/online. On the twelfth site of Social Security, we present to you: services for people who are currently receiving benefits, like the ability to replace your Medicare card, get or change a password, request a proof of income letter, or check your Social Security information or benefits. You can do these and other things at www.socialsecurity.gov/pg m/getservices-change.htm. And a partridge in a pear tree. Find it all (except the partridge and pear tree) at www.socialsecurity.gov. TOR K: I'm under a lot of stress from my job. I've heard that a technique called "breath focus" might help. Can you tell me more about this? DEAR DOC- 3B Breathing focus helps counter stress effects DEAR READ- ER: Stress reduc- tion techniques definite- ly can reduce your level of stress. The best- known technique is the "relaxation response" first popularized by my colleague here at Har- vard Medical School, Dr. Herbert Benson. These techniques have given all of us a weapon against stress. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. That's valuable because stress can take a toll on body and mind. Over time, stress can contribute to high blood pressure, depression, diabetes and other health concerns. The good news is that by regularly prac- ticing relaxation tech- niques such as breath focus, you can reduce the negative effects of stress. Breath focus is a sim- ple yet powerful tech- nique that can elicit the relaxation response, a state of profound peace and rest. Breath focus depends on learning to breathe deeply and prop- erly. When you breathe in, the muscles between your ribs pull them out- ward, which expands your lungs and causes your diaphragm to move downward. The diaphragm is a strong sheet of muscle that divides the chest from the abdomen. When it drops downward, press- ing against abdominal organs, this also expands your lungs and sucks air through your mouth and nose and into the lungs. 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In order to practice breath focus, you must first learn proper diaphragmatic breathing. Sit or lie down in a quiet, comfort- breathing slows the heartbeat and can lower or sta- bilize blood pres- sure. Once you're comfort- able with diaphragmatic breathing, move on to breath focus. As you sit comfortably with your eyes closed, combine your breathing with helpful imagery and a focus phrase to help you relax. Imagine that the air you breathe in washes peace and calm into your body. Imagine that the air leaving your body carries tension and anxi- ety away. As you inhale, say to yourself, "Breathing in peace and calm." And as you exhale, say, "Breath- ing out tension and anxi- ety." Start by doing 10 minutes of breath focus. Gradually work up to sessions that are about 15 to 20 minutes long. Does this sound a lit- tle weird, a little loosey- goosey? Maybe it does, but it sure helps some of my patients and friends. And it's simple; there's no risk and it's free. 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