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Wednesday, September 5, 2012 – Daily News FEATURES Depressed bride causing financial scare Dear Annie: Six months ago, I married a lovely young woman. While we were engaged, ''Nina'' and I had several candid discus- sions about finances, figur- ing that once we married, she would look for a job and we would split the household expenses evenly. Her parents were very gen- erous and gave us a nice amount of money at the wedding in order to help smooth the transition until she found a job. Well, a few months after we mar- ried, Nina stopped looking for work. She suffers from chronic depression, and it got so bad that she refused to apply for a job, con- vinced that no one would hire her. She also refused to get counseling, saying she couldn't afford it, even though both her father and I offered to pay for it. I have worked my best to keep a Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Nina apparently does not consider herself to be in a partnership. She thinks you should support her. And it's possible that Nina combats her depression by spending money, eating and smoking. Nonetheless, this is not a tenable solution. She should not use her depression as an excuse to refuse help. We urge you to get counseling on your own and also con- tact NAMI (nami.org). Dear Annie: I am preg- nant with my third child. Prior experience compels me to send my list of things you should never do or say to a pregnant woman: 1. Do not ask whether the preg- roof over our heads and have even taken out loans in order to pay our bills, but I'm now $1,000 in debt. Recently, Nina's father gave her a large sum of money. I asked if she would use a small amount to pay one of our outstanding bills. She refused, saying that this was her money and she could spend it on whatever she wanted. Over the next week, that turned out to be fast food and cigarettes. Annie, was I unreasonable to ask for her financial help? — New York Dear New York: Of course not. nancy was planned. It is absolutely no one's business. 2. Hands off the belly. This is her personal space and should be respected. If you feel compelled to touch that elusive kick, always ask first — and don't be insulted when she says no. the mom-to-be, which isn't good for her health or the baby's. Thanks for giving me the oppor- tunity to vent. — Sharing the News in Pa. Dear Sharing: You're very wel- come. And congratulations on your upcoming blessed event. Dear Annie: This is in reply to ''Over-Seventy-Attitude,'' who prefers handwritten notes and not emails. Years ago, when postage was cheap, none of us thought anything of sending out lots of cards and greetings. These days, with postage being so high, people have to under- stand that if you're living on a fixed income, those costs add up, espe- cially during holidays when there are lots of cards to send. 3. Please don't make comments that could be interpreted as ''you're fat.'' My boss asked whether I was having twins because I was so big. Another person asked if I was due before Christmas when my due date was mid-March. 4. Please don't share unsolicited horror stories of labor and delivery. Expectant moms don't need more to worry about. Also, while I feel gen- uine sympathy for those who have experienced a miscarriage, hearing these stories only induces anxiety in I feel that the message contained within is what's important, not whether the card is a physical object or an email. Making sure that your friends and family receive your warm thoughts is what counts. Instead of chastising your friend for sending an email greeting, thank her for thinking of you and holding a place in her heart for you. — Flori- da Greetings Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. 125 comes alive in historic photo shoot As part of California State University, Chico's 125th anniversary celebra- tion this year, 1,824 stu- dents, faculty, staff and alumni assembled on Aug. 24 to spell out numbers "1," "2" and "5" 140 feet tall. anniversary photo shoot is at youtube/POqm483LTlk. The once-in-a-lifetime A video of the 125th photo was planned as part of Wildcat Welcome, CSU, Chico's annual orientation for new students. The stu- dents were greeted Friday morning in the University Stadium by President Paul Zingg prior to joining other students, faculty, staff and alumni for the photo in a playing field next to the sta- dium. Four years from now, TOR K: I'm a man in my late 70s, and I'm having trouble holding my urine. Medicines have helped somewhat, but not completely. My doctor says he's tried every medi- cine and that I may have to live with my problem to some degree. Is there anything else you can suggest? DEAR READER: Though you may not guess it from TV ads, losing con- trol of urine — incontinence — is not just a woman's problem. Men, particularly older men, can have trouble too. Studies find that one in four men your age experi- ence incontinence at least once a year — and as many as one in 10 experience it nearly every day. DEAR DOC- 3B More than just meds for urinary incontinence Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. If medicines are not fix- ing the problem completely, there are other ways to man- age urinary incontinence that are specifically designed for men. But first, I should say that many com- monly used medicines may actually be a cause of incon- tinence. I have a list of such medicines on my website. If you're on any of these, talk to your doctor about whether they might be responsible in your case. As for treatments other than medicines that might help, several pads and other absorbent products are designed for the male anato- my. Drip shields (with light protection) or guards (that absorb more) with water- proof backings slip over the head of the penis. They can be kept in place with any tight-fitting briefs. For heav- ier incontinence, you can wear absorbent inserts, shaped to fit men, inside your own underwear or spe- cial mesh briefs. Another option is a clamp placed around the base of the penis. The device is designed as an inflatable ring or a foam-lined frame. The clamp is tightened just enough to prevent urine from leaking. Every few hours, you loosen the clamp to urinate. You may also be troubled by dribbling urine after the main stream has stopped. To avoid this, try to "milk out" the last few drops of urine. Using your fingertips, start an inch behind your scrotum and gently press upward. Keep applying pressure as you move your fingers toward the base of the penis under the scrotum. Repeat. This maneuver should move the pooled urine into the penis, where you can shake out the last few drops. We have more informa- tion on male incontinence in our Special Health Report, "Better Bladder and Bowel Control." (Learn more about this report at AskDoctorK.com, or call 877-649-9457 toll-free to order it.) If you have con- stant leakage, devices that collect rather than absorb urine can help. A condom catheter (or "Texas catheter") is a soft sheath made of silicone or latex. It fits over the penis like a regular con- dom. It attaches to a drain tube leading to a urine collection bag. The bag is strapped to your leg, underneath your pants and out of sight. Ongoing incontinence can irritate your skin. After each leak, clean the area with lukewarm water or a gentle soap or cleanser. Then apply diaper rash treat- ment, or a lotion or cream made for incontinence. many of the new students in the photo will be lined up once again in the field adjacent to the stadium for Commencement. That group of graduates, the class of 2016, will be CSU, Chico's 125th graduating class. 125th photo.' We look for- ward to seeing them back in four years as part of a special 125th graduating class." "We think it will mean a lot to our new students to be a part of this photo," said Susan Anderson, director of Alumni and Parent Rela- tions, who also coordinates Commencement. "They will always be able to say, 'I was there that day, in the Included in the photo are President Zingg, Willie the Wildcat and alumna Sandy Nason Griffin, a descendant of Cora Nason, who was in the school's first graduating class. Grif- fin brought along a framed copy of the 1891 diploma, which was signed by Chico State founder John Bid- well. the photo dimensions with the consulting help of Pro- fessor Terry Kiser, chair of the Department of Mathe- matics and Statistics. Freelance photographer Beiron Andersson took the photo from a scissor lift 65 feet off the ground. top of all three numbers on the field measured 180 feet across, and the base mea- sured 80 feet across. To be able to accommo- to college for the first time or a returning student, it will soon be time to head to campus, and payment deadlines for tuition and other fees are not far behind. The IRS offers some tips about education tax bene- Tips for those paying for college Whether you're a recent high school graduate going fits that can help offset some college costs for students and parents. Typically, these benefits apply to you, your spouse or a dependent for whom you claim an exemp- tion on your tax return. Anderson and Alan Rel- laford, creative director, planned the coordinates for Because of the angle and height of the photo, the "1," "2" and "5" numbers had to be specially shaped on the playing field to look proportional in the shot. "While the numbers appear to fit in a rectangle," said Rellaford, "they are actual- ly distorted into a trapezoid on the ground." He said the date new students and oth- ers in the shot, measure- ments and test photos at the playing field site were taken earlier in the summer. Kiser analyzed the square footage to estimate how many people could fit in the outlines of the numbers. "We are very grateful to Terry for the crucial exper- tise he provided," said Rel- laford. chalked and roped off Aug. 23 in preparation for the photo. Volunteers helped form the boundaries of the "1," "2" and "5" so that participants could quickly flow in. Faculty, staff and alumni were invited in first. Mary Wallmark, chair of the Wildcat Welcome com- mittee, stood on a second, and lower, scissor lift giv- ing directions through a sound system to put people in position for the photo. After the historic shot The playing field was • American Opportunity Credit. This credit, origi- nally created under the American Recovery and Rein- vestment Act, is still available for 2012. The credit can be up to $2,500 per eligible student and is available for the first four years of post secondary education at an eligible institution. Forty percent of this credit is refundable, which means that you may be able to receive up to $1,000, even if you don't owe any taxes. Qualified expenses include tuition and fees, course related books, supplies and equipment. was taken, new students immediately dispersed so they could attend mandato- ry meetings with academic departments. • Lifetime Learning Credit. In 2012, you may be able to claim a Lifetime Learning Credit of up to $2,000 for qualified education expenses paid for a stu- dent enrolled in eligible educational institutions. There is no limit on the number of years you can claim the Lifetime Learning Credit for an eligible student. You can claim only one type of education credit per student in the same tax year. However, if you pay col- lege expenses for more than one student in the same year, you can choose to take credits on a per-student, per-year basis. For example, you can claim the Ameri- can Opportunity Credit for one student and the Lifetime Learning Credit for the other student. • Student loan interest deduction. Generally, person- al interest you pay, other than certain mortgage interest, is not deductible. However, you may be able to deduct interest paid on a qualified student loan during the year. It can reduce the amount of your income subject to tax by up to $2,500, even if you don't itemize deductions. These education benefits are subject to income limi- tations, and may be reduced or eliminated depending on your income. For more information, visit the Tax Benefits for Education Information Center at IRS.gov or check out Publication 970, Tax Benefits for Educa- tion, which can be downloaded at IRS.gov or ordered by calling 800-TAX-FORM (800-829-3676). 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