Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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OCTOBER 12-18, 2016 UCW 7 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Bob Dylan explained, "You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows." The weather reports about Hurricane Matthew kept repeating the phrase "cone of uncertainty" regarding whether Matt would drown us or or wander harmlessly out to sea. When the weather dudette says the hurricane's path is in the cone of uncertainty, she will be right 100 percent of the time. It's a great way to predict anything. Everything is in the cone of uncertainty. Either it will happen or it won't. That covers all eventualities. It's a world view that is hard to dispute. The outcome of the Presidential election lies within the cone of uncertainty. Either Hillary or Trump will win. Once upon a time in the dark ages of my college days when dinosaurs roamed Franklin Street, I had a friend who developed a simple but incredibly accurate theory of life. His theory was that everything was either a stick or it was not. The quality of not- stick applied to many more objects than the quality of being a stick but the theory was right 100 percent of the time. Back to the cone of uncertainty surrounding the upcoming election. Much has been made about The Donald's ongoing family feud with the 1996 Miss Universe Alicia Machado. Don accused her of getting fat after winning the crown. His insults to her take me back to Mrs. McIntosh's third grade classroom when the chant, "Fatty, fatty, 2 x 4, can't get through the bathroom door" was in flower. The Donald has not been able to get past third grade insults. An appropriate third grade response from Alicia to The Donald might be, "It takes one to know one" or the every popular "I'm rubber, you're glue, what bounces off me sticks to you." Pondering The Donald's concern about Miss Universe's expansion got me thinking about Einstein's theory regarding the expanding universe. If Miss Universe could expand, why not the entire universe? Let us wander into the cone of uncertainty about the origin of the universe and talk to Mr. Physics. In the way back times, Aristotle and Ptolemy conjured that the universe did not move and that the Earth was at its center. Our old pal Sir Isaac Newton, (who when he wasn't inventing nature's perfect food, the Fig Newton), theorized that the universe was static or steady state in which all the stars of the universe and Hollywood just hung around motionless in the void. Most folks were pretty comfortable living at the center of the universe for many centuries. Then along comes Al Einstein who upsets the static universe apple cart. Al's general theory of relativity originally predicted that the universe was static, maintaining the same size just as The Donald had hoped that Alicia Machado would do. The conflict between his theory and his realization that the universe was expanding aggravated Al no end. Al came up with a fudge factor he called the "cosmological constant" which kept the universe the same size. This was like putting a thumb under Miss Universe's bathroom scale to keep her weight stable. Edwin Hubble, the first famous astronomer whose name rhymes with bubble, noticed in 1929 that light from other galaxies was leaning toward the red end of the spectrum. Ed figured out that this "red shift" meant that the other galaxies were moving away from the Earth. " What had we done to offend them, that they are leaving us alone in the void?" Ed wondered. Ed ciphered that the galaxies were not actually moving into an empty space like The Donald's conscience, but that space itself was expanding. Imagine that all the galaxies are painted on a balloon being blown up with hot air from the presidential debates. Each puff of empty political promises makes the balloon expand and the galaxies get farther apart. Now you understand the expanding universe concept. The Donald, being a follower of Aristotle, believes in a static universe. He is offended by the expanding Miss Universe concept. This explains his 3 a.m. tweet storms expressing his distaste for Alicia's weight gain. If Ed Hubble is correct and the universe is expanding like The Donald's waist line, then it had to be smaller in the past. Jumping into Mr. Peabody's Way Back Machine and going back in time we reach the point where the universe was just a tiny dot, no bigger than Hillary's email server. Then something happened, the Big Bang! The tiny dot that was the unborn universe expanded into space like the Clinton Foundation into the State Department. So where does that leave us? Once again inside the cone of uncertainty. Ponder the words of the Moody Blues who explained that "Timothy Leary's dead/No, no, no, no/He's outside looking in/" Like Tim, let us fly his astral plane outside the universe. If Miss Universe can expand somewhere over the rainbow, why, oh why, can't we? The Cone of Uncertainty by PITT DICKEY OPINION • Assortment of Complimentary Wines & Beers • Complimentary Delicious Food & Appetizers • Gourmet Desserts • Live Music! • and FABULOUS AUCTION ITEMS WINE, BREWS & SILENT AUCTION at Heritage Square All Proceeds to Help Maintain and Preserve Historical Heritage Square Like us on Facebook - Heritage Square Historical Society Security will be provided in parking areas. ursday October 13, 2016 6-9pm Heritage Square • 225 Dick St. • Fayetteville, NC 28301 Ticket Information (910) 483-6009 Sold at Several Locations, and Available at the Door - $40.00 per person or $75.00 per couple Alicia Machado PITT DICKEY. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Advertising to Grow Your Business www.upandcomingweekly.com For effective advertising call 910.484.6200 today!