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Saturday, May 26, 2012 – Daily News FEATURES Boyfriend's indiscretion worries girlfriend Dear Annie: I'm in my early 20s and have been dating ''Aidan'' for a year. He attends college two hours away. He doesn't socialize much and stresses a lot about his grades. His only real friend is ''Cara,'' a girl we went to high school with. Cara lives in a house with several other girls. The first time I met her roommate ''Lisa,'' I felt uncomfortable. I'm not the jealous type, but something about her bothered me. Still, I continued to be nice to her and supportive of Aidan's friendships. A few days ago, Aidan came clean and told me that he had drunk- enly made out with Lisa. He said he was stressed over school and went to see Cara, but only Lisa was home. He got drunk, and they got overly friendly. He said he felt terri- ble and was tormented for a week before he told me. He promised it would never happen again. I'm having a hard time trusting my boyfriend, and I certainly can't trust Lisa. I don't want him to be friends with her anymore. Aidan says I'm being unreasonable since Cara is his only friend. He doesn't want to cause problems or be lonely because he can't go to her house or has to leave if Lisa is there. I'm hurt and confused by his per- ception of the situation. He doesn't Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear Northern: Yes. We agree that he needn't give up his friendship with Cara, but being around Lisa is prob- lematic. Aidan needs to sup- port your position on this and take the necessary steps to avoid being in a compromising place. He can see Cara outside of her apartment. If he is unwilling to change his visiting habits, you need to decide whether you can trust him or not. Dear Annie: I have no family or friends to speak of. I have joined too many dating services to count. It looks like I am going to be by myself for whatever time I have left. So what does one do with one's per- sonal effects when they have no one to whom to leave it all? I am 54, and every year it gets a little scarier. I have been able to fig- ure out pretty much any problem in life, but this one has me stuck. — Worried Woman Dear Worried: You can donate personal items to charity, a local historical society, a women's shelter or any organization that would appreciate them. But also consider think it should be a big deal because he didn't sleep with her. I want Lisa completely out of the picture. I feel that Aidan is more worried about upsetting Cara and her roommates than he is about upsetting me. Shouldn't he take my side? — Northern Petunia seeing a counselor. Someone who has no friends could use a little help finding out why and learning ways to change that dynamic. We also recommend doing some volunteer work in your area. It will lift your spirits and help others. Dear Annie: ''Sad Wife'' wants her husband to be the breadwinner, but he suffers from low self-esteem and works a minimum-wage job. Meanwhile, they just had a baby, and she was forced to go back to work. She needs to take responsibility for her bad choices. Wanting her husband to be the breadwinner is her priority, not his. She should have married someone who was already capable of supporting a family, not someone who promised he would take steps to make it hap- pen. And if it's so important for her to be a stay-at-home mom, why did she get pregnant with a guy who had a minimum-wage job? If she regrets her choices, she needs to ''man up'' and either leave him or find a solution, such as a job that allows her to work from home. — LYC Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Say honored by GOP as Man of the Year engineer, Say moved from Southern California to the area in 1995. Say was as an adjunct professor of electronics at the Sierra College. Say was presented a framed resolution from the California State Legis- lature honoring him for his service to the commu- nity by State Sen. Doug LaMalfa and Assembly- man Jim Nielsen. Dave Meurer, field rep for Congressman Wally Ken Say, Tehama County Republican Party chairman, was presented with the Tehama County Republican of the Year award at the the annual Red, White and Blue Din- ner, Saturday, May 18 at the Red Bluff Veterans Memorial Building. Say, 74, has served as county chairman since 2002. He and his wife, Valerie, live in Red Bluff. A retired electronic Fiber will help TOR K: Some- times my bowel movement leaks onto my undergar- ments. What can I do to control this? DEAR READ- control incontinence DEAR DOC- ER: Take heart — you are not alone. Depending on how fecal, or bowel, incontinence is defined, some studies have found that 10 percent or more of adults in the United States (not including people living in institutions) have this condition. And there are many things you can do to prevent it. If your bowel move- ments tend to be loose and watery, and come frequent- ly, start with some changes to your diet. For example, specific foods may be trig- gering your diarrhea. Try cutting out or reducing these common triggers: — cured or smoked meats foods — spicy foods — fatty and greasy — fruits — sweeteners such as sorbitol, xylitol, mannitol and fructose (found in many diet drinks, fruit drinks, sugarless gums and candies). Take a daily fiber sup- plement. This is one of the most effective ways to reduce fecal leakage. Over- the-counter products like Metamucil or Citrucel are found in any drugstore. More recently, tasteless powdered fiber supple- ments have become avail- able over-the-counter in drugstores as well. They dissolve more completely in liquids and can be added to any hot or cold liquid you drink — and you won't — dairy products — alcohol — caffeine Courtesy photo From left, Sen. Doug LaMalfa, Ken Say and Assemblyman Jim Nielsen. Herger, presented Say with an American Flag that had been flown over the Capitol. World War II theme with special entertainment and The dinner had a decorations. Guest speak- ers included LaMalfa, a candidate for Congress, Nielsen and Tehama County Supervisor Bob Williams, who is running for Assembly. SACRAMENTO – Young service members and veterans living in Califor- nia who want help with problems related to alcohol and other drug use can get vouchers for free services through the California Access to Recovery Effort (CARE) from the state's Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs (ADP). "There are more than 2 million vet- erans in California—more than any other state in the nation," says Michael Cunningham, acting director of ADP. "The CARE program makes alcohol and drug services more accessible to veterans, a population that is at higher- than-average risk for substance use dis- orders." To be eligible for the vouchers, veter- ans and active duty military men and women need to be age 25 or younger and live in one of five target counties— Butte, Los Angeles, Sacramento, Shasta, and Tehama. CARE services are designed for young veterans and service members who are misusing alcohol and/or other drugs, but are not yet depen- dent or addicted, or are in recovery from substance abuse. CARE vouchers alone are not adequate to treat veterans who have severe substance abuse problems and co-occurring mental health issues, such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from deployment and combat situations. The vouchers can, however, supplement services provided from another source. CARE services also can help young veterans access other assis- BOXFORD, Mass. (AP) — Police say a rov- ing group of cows crashed a small gathering in a Massachusetts town and bullied the guests for their beer. Boxford police Lt. James Riter says he was responding to a call for loose cows on Sunday and Program targets state's vet population tance. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. and prevents leakage of watery stool. Your medications could also be contributing to your diarrhea and incontinence. Discuss all of your medica- tions with your doctor. Your doctor may suggest an anti-diarrheal medicine. Loperamide (Imodium) has the added benefit of increasing muscle tone in the internal anal sphincter. You can further strength- en the muscles of your pelvic floor, including the anal sphincters, with specif- ic exercises. Biofeedback can help you learn to do the exercises correctly. Drink plenty of liquid with the fiber supplement to help control diarrhea. This may seem counterintuitive, but the fiber absorbs the water improve your ability to sense the presence of stool in your rectum. This, in turn, may allow you to get to a bathroom before the sit- uation becomes desperate. Another form of biofeedback delivers a small electrical shock to your anal sphincter. This produces muscle activity that bulks up the sphincter muscles. Yes, it sounds a lit- tle weird, but it works. We have more informa- tion on bowel incontinence in our Special Health Report, "Better Bladder and Bowel Control." (Learn more about this report at AskDoctorK.com, or call 877-649-9457 toll-free to order it.) Biofeedback can also Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. know they're there. Several of my patients tell me they've had great results. 5B CARE vouchers cover substance use services that include screening and assessment, case management, early intervention and recovery support. Clin- ical services include individual and group counseling, individual and family therapy, education sessions, drug testing and over-the-phone continuing care. Recovery support services comprise employment and educational training, therapeutic and structured recreation, spiritual coaching, as well as transporta- tion. Service members and veterans should contact the CARE call center at (866)350-8773 for assistance and refer- ral to a conveniently located assessment provider. The assessment provider will match personal needs with appropriate services at no cost. Military discharge status is not a barrier. Using a network of diverse providers offering evidence-based service models that improve and sustain positive life changes, the CARE program has provid- ed services to more than 20,000 individ- uals since 2005. Initially, CARE focused exclusively on youth (12- to 20-year- olds). In 2010, it expanded to include young service members and veterans. The program is funded by an Access to Recovery grant from the federal Sub- stance Abuse and Mental Health Ser- vices Administration. More information on the CARE program, please visit: www.californiacares4youth.com/. Police say roving cows drank backyard brews spotted them in a front yard. Riter says the herd high-tailed it for the back- yard and then he heard screaming. He says when he ran back there he saw the cows had chased off some young adults and were drinking their beers. Riter says the cows had knocked the beer cans over on a table and were lapping up what spilled. He says they even started rooting around the recy- cled cans for some extra drops. owner and some friends herded the cows back home. Riter says the cows'