Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/612945
DECEMBER 9-15, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Going Scold Turkey I have a bad temper, and I'm trying to change. Now when I'm mad, I leave the room to compose myself. Recently, my boyfriend said something that really upset me. Taking a break allowed me to calmly explain that he'd hurt my feelings. He apologized, and I could tell he truly felt bad — much worse than if I had raged on him. Can you explain this? — Formerly Volcanic It's really smart to "take 10" when you're angry — and not just because it takes that long to get the gasoline, pour it all over your boyfriend's Xbox, and light it on fire. As I explained recently, screaming at a guy — a verbal attack — launches the same fight-or-flight defense system as trying to use the guy's face as a bar rag. And once a person's adrenaline gets let out of the gate, there's no coaxing it back. That's why "Braveheart" would be a Monty Python movie if the Scots, upon doing their battle cry, stopped, looked at one another, and then called to the English: "Say, luvvies … on second thought … shall we all put down these silly battle-axes, wash our faces, and chat out our differences o'er a cup o'tea?" As for why your emotional makeover led your boyfriend to go more Mother Teresa than angry m*th*r f*#ker, social psychologist C. Daniel Batson explains that we have two distinct emotional responses to perceiving another person in need. The first, "personal distress," leads us to have an "egoistic" motivation — to focus on ourselves and how we can escape our own uncomfortable feelings. The other response is empathy — or really, "empathic concern," which leads to an altruistic motivation: wanting to comfort the other person. You're more likely to elicit the empathic response when your boyfriend doesn't need to mount a defense — that is, when you approach him with quiet hurt and disappointment instead of like a hornet with boobs and a purse. Kudos to you for recognizing that having a feeling isn't reason to hop on it and ride it like a hoverboard. But in light of how gnarly-hard impulse control can be, what's most impressive are your adult timeouts — putting space between having a feeling and acting on it. It is good for your boyfriend to believe he can always count on you — but not to explode and take his hand off like black- market fireworks you bought with the possum jerky out of the trunk of some guy's car. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The manager of the agency in Louisville, Kentucky, responsible for, among other things, development planning, zoning changes and historic landmarks revealed in November that his headquarters has a "boogers" problem and ordered users of the third-floor men's room to stop hocking them onto the walls adjacent to the urinals. According to an internal memo cited by InsiderLouisville.com, Metro Planning and Design Services manager Joe Reverman called the mucus buildup "a very serious situation" and had his executive administrator post signs instructing restroom users on the basics of proper disposal of "anything that comes out of or off a person's body." [InsiderLouisville.com, 11-18-2015] Great Art! The 1968 Cy Twombly "blackboard" painting sold for $70.5 million at New York City's Sotheby's auction in November (higher than experts' estimate of $60 million). The painting consists of six horizontal lines of continuous circular swirls (white chalk on a "blackboard") — perhaps the same swirls that might be made by an extremely bored, aggressive first-grader given a supply of chalk and the absence of the teacher. [Artnet News, 11-11-2015] The Baltimore-based "experimental music" creators Matmos announced the release of their new album, "Ultimate Care II," consisting entirely of "music" made by a Whirlpool washing machine (the Ultimate Care II model). According to a November report in Time magazine, the machine's 38-minute wash cycle will be "sampled and processed" to lighten the original sound. (Matmos previously "played" canisters of helium on stage at Radio City Music Hall and a cow's uterus at the San Francisco Art Institute.) [Time.com, 11-9-2015] Government Inaction The Queens (New York) Redbird Tourist Information Center was finally ordered to close in July following an extraordinarily unsuccessful seven- year run in which, possibly, not a single tourist ever walked through the door. The New York Post, interviewing neighbors in Kew Gardens, found no one who ever saw a visitor, and the center's lone staff member said she recalled only lunchtime drop-ins from jury duty at the criminal court building down the block. [New York Post, 7-10-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, a conversation takes you to a place you did not expect. Now that it's out in the open, you may be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Don't hesitate to express yourself. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, though you usually lean toward being practical, you may find yourself on an unexpected journey this week that highlights your spontaneous side. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 You have several different ways to express your creativity this week, Gemini; you simply have to find the outlet that works best for you right now. Experiment with different options. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, although you may want to swoop in and help a friend in need, give this person the space he or she needs right now. In the long run, this approach will prove more helpful. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 You have a chance to push limits and boundaries this week, Leo. Take every opportunity that comes your way to try something new. You never know what you will discover. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you may not be able to escape all of your daily responsibilities right now, but you can certainly daydream some of them away. Take this chance to clear your mind. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you have a knack for avoiding complex issues that pop up this week. But this will only last so long, and before long you will have to face some hard decisions. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 It can be frightening to reveal your deepest feelings, Scorpio. However, when a friend comes to you bearing his or her soul, you may have to dig deep and share your own experiences. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Health goals become more pressing as various issues weigh on your mind, Sagittarius. Work with a doctor to develop a plan for moving forward in a healthy way. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, you may be catching glimpses of what is around the corner, but you're not ready to take the first step in that direction. This will happen soon enough. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Your moods are fluctuating regularly, Aquarius. Voice your feelings and it will help you address any insecurities or other issues that are on your mind. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 It may seem like you're working on jobs for others, but behind it all, you're actually working on yourself, Pisces. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard From our family to yours, we hope you have a very Happy Holiday and best wishes for an amazing 2016!