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We don't always get along – is that abuse? No. Every relationship has its ups and downs; we don't always agree and at times, tempers flare. This is not abuse. Domestic violence or abuse is a pattern of con- trolling and abusive be- havior designed to con- trol the actions, thoughts and behavior of the other person in the relation- ship. Relationships are not generally abusive from the start; in fact, quite the opposite. Abus- ers tend to get into re- lationships deeply and quickly, flattering you with how much they love you, cant live without you and want to be with you all the time. The intensity of their "love" can be over- whelming, sweeping you off your feet and leaving you feeling amazed with how much they love and adore you. Recognize this quick and intense devo- tion for what it is: a red flag warning of a possi- ble abuser. Here are some other cautionary red flags that indicate you may be in an abusive relationship. Re- member, men can also be victims of abuse as well as those in same sex relation- ships. Does your partner: Act extremely jealous others who pay atten- tion to you, or use jeal- ousy to justify his or her actions? Monitor where you go, who you call and who you spend time with? Call you names, insult or continually criticize you? Put you down in front of others, humiliate you, play mind games or make you feel as if you are crazy? Isolate you from family and friends? Make you afraid by us- ing looks, actions or ges- tures? Break things, damage property, throw objects, punch walls or kick doors? Use physical force or in- timidation in sexual situa- tions? Blame drugs or alcohol for their actions? For more red flags, visit Alternatives to Violence's website at ATVRB.org or call the 24 hour hotline at 528-0226 to talk with a counselor. ALTERNATIVESTOVIOLENCE Are you in an abusive relationship? Dear Mary: I read sto- ries about parents con- stantly needing to bail their grown children out of debt. What do you do when it's your 62-year- old mother who has the money problem? My mom has a job and makes enough money to support herself. A few years ago, she bought a house for $95,000. She had little debt at the time. Since then, she's refi- nanced her home twice to cash out her equity and now owes $127,000 on top of extensive credit-card debt. Recently, she called me saying she was $3,000 in the red. My husband and I sent her the money. This isn't the first time we've bailed her out. My brother and I are at our wits' ends. She is hanging on by a thread. I can't make her get a roommate or a sec- ond job, or take away her checkbook. What do you do with a person who cannot make good financial decisions? We don't want her to be homeless and live in her car, but we don't want her to move in with us, either. Please help! — Anonymous Dear Anon: You are in a difficult situation. Giv- ing your mother money is about the worst thing you can do. That only ex- acerbates the problem. You have already discov- ered that you cannot con- trol her. If she will not agree to see a qualified family counselor with you and your brother, the two of you should speak with someone who will help you lay down ground rules. Then, you both need to be- come united on how you will respond to her in the future. It's not going to be easy. You're going to need to ex- ercise tough love with your mom. In the future, if she is truly in need of food, has the electricity turned off or her personal safety is at risk, do not give her the money directly. That would be like handing a bottle of whiskey to an al- coholic. Instead, pay the bill for her, or bring her groceries or prepared meals. Dear Mary: Last sum- mer, heat from the sun caused the red lettering from a plastic shopping bag to melt onto the gray leather front passenger seat in my car. I have been unable to remove the stain and hoped you might have a solution. — Toni Dear Toni: Because this was a grocery bag, the ink is undoubtedly considered "food grade" because it comes in contact with ed- ibles. Provided your previ- ous attempts to remove it have not seriously changed its properties, BooYah Clean! Leather Cleaner and Conditioner should take that stain away, and at the same time condition the leather. While you're at it, you should clean the en- tire leather interior. BooYah Clean! is the se- cret miracle product old- car enthusiasts use to re- store cars to their for- mer glory. The reviews on this product are fantastic. Make sure you read them before you spend $25 on this cleaner. I'm confident it will be money well spent to make sure the stain is removed and your car re- tains its resale value. Good luck! Dear Mary: I make my own window cleaner and laundry detergent. I would like to make all my clean- ers — pump hand soap, shampoo, toilet bowl cleaner, dishwashing pow- der, dish liquid, general purpose cleaner for walls, scouring powder, all of it! Is there one book or website that has it all? — Cathy Dear Cathy: I've repli- cated all of the products you mention with home- made alternatives, some with great results. I have concluded that there are a few items that cannot be successfully made at home. Shampoo and auto- matic dishwashing deter- gent, for example. I have created a digital booklet, "Cheapskate Solutions," with dozens of recipes for homemade alterna- tives that really do work, including recipes for all- purpose cleaners, toilet bowl cleaners and hand soap. This 60-page book- let is available for only $2.99 at DebtProofLiving. com. Would you like to send a tip to Mary? You can email her at mary@ everydaycheapskate. com, or write to Everyday Cheapskate, 12340 Seal Beach Blvd., Ste. B-416, Seal Beach, CA 90740. EV ER YD AY C HE AP SK AT E He lp , m om 's i n financial trouble A Red Bluff orchard owner, a women's donor circle and several indi- viduals donated a total of $116,000 to St. Elizabeth Community Hospital to purchase special equip- ment for three ambulances. The devices, called LifePak 15s, are used in- side ambulances to act as a defibrillator and can monitor a patient's carbon monoxide levels, said Jason Swann, man- ager of ground ambu- lance and emergency ser- vices for Dignity Health. The LifePak 15 collects vi- tal information about the patient's heart and elec- tronically sends the data to the emergency room physicians, who then give the paramedics instruc- tions as they transport the patient to the hospi- tal. "These are essential tools for paramedics," Swann said. "They allow for rapid decision making and destination consider- ations for patients still in the field, which helps us provide the best care to our patients." Rose Crain, owner of Haleakala Ranch, do- nated funds to purchase the fourth LifePak moni- tor. The Catherine McAu- ley Circle, which is a wom- en's donor circle affiliated with Mercy Foundation North, and several private individuals donated funds for the first three LifePaks. The hospital is consider- ing whether there is a need for additional monitors. The cost of one monitor is $29,000. "We rely on the support of our community and in- dividuals such as Rose Crain to help fund St. Eliz- abeth Community Hospi- tal so we can offer the best health care possible in Te- hama County," said Mag- gie Redmon, president of Mercy Foundation North. The foundation serves as the philanthropic arm of St. Elizabeth, Mercy Med- ical Center Redding and Mercy Medical Center Mt. Shasta. "We very much appreci- ate the donations from the Catherine McAuley Circle and other community in- dividuals who recognized our great need and said 'let us help,'" Redmon said. ST. ELIZABETH Donations help to equip ambulances COURTESYPHOTO Emergency Medical Technicians Tim Boehem and Cheryl Leary pose with a LifePak 15. CORNING Lucero Olive Oil celebrated National 4-H Week by presenting checks to Corning 4-H and Olive 4-H Friday at its mill in Corning. Liz Tagami, gen- eral manager, said the donat ion is par t the compa- ny's "A Gallon for You: A Future for Others" program, which was imple- mented November 2014. "When a gallon of our Five-Star Blend extra virgin olive oil is pur- cha sed," Tagami said, "Lucero Ol- ive Oil sets aside $5 to support local agricultural educa- tion programs. We believe donations like this will seed our ag r icultura l system, which is important to a lo- cal company in a farm-based com- munity." The company is no stranger to 4-H; four of its employ- ees pa r t icipated in 4-H when they were younger and h a v e e x p r e s s e d what a life-chang- i n g e x p e r i e n c e c l u b a c t i v i t i e s were for them. DONATION Lucero Olive Oil producer supports 4-H programs COURTESY PHOTO Pictured are Corning and Olive 4-H Club Leaders Cindy Dixon, Fawn Brunelle, Cindy McClain and Elora Brunelle with youth from both clubs displaying checks received from Lucero Olive Oil. PLEASE RECYCLE THIS NEWSPAPER. Thankyou! Servicingyourdisposalneedsin Tehama County, and the City of Red Bluff including Residential, Commercial, and Temporary bin services. GREENWASTEOFTEHAMA A WASTE CONNECTIONS COMPANY 530-528-8500 1805 AIRPORT BLVD. 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