Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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Presidential Tattoos by PITT DICKEY Right now you are probably asking yourself, "Self, what kind of tattoos do the Republican Presidential candidates wear? Should I choose the nominee based on the type of tattoo he wears?" I had an encounter with a tattoo magazine at Barnes & Nobles that prompted these questions. Consider a fascinating British magazine called Skull Tattoos. It has no narrative, just pictures of skull tattoos. It is the perfect magazine for our post literate age. Rick Santorum approves the magazine because it caters to people who choose not to read rather than those snobs who think that higher education is a useful thing. What type of skull tattoo would appeal to Republican Presidential candidates and their fearless leader, Rush Limbaugh? There is a tribe of tattoo fans who will buy a $12 magazine fi lled with pictures of skull tattoos. Like any scholarly publication, the magazine is carefully divided into sections featuring the different classifi cations of skull tattoos. How do we love skull tattoos? Let us count the ways and the infi nite variety of human skulls as body art. Sugar Skull tattoos begin the magazine. Sugar Skulls are essentially smiling happy face type skulls. Skulls with lots of fl owers. Cheerful, happy, peppy skulls. As Dear Abby used to say, "Sugar Skulls are real day brighteners." Michele Bachmann would love a Sugar Skull. Next in line are the Avant-Garde skulls. These skulls feature a kind of abstract art swirling around menacing skulls. One of the more colorful Avant- Garde skulls featured a half hand grenade and half skull. The grenade/skull makes a statement about the wearer's temperament. I can see Newt Gingrich wearing a grenade/skull tat. Although for most people, the grenade/skull tattoo is not the sort of tattoo that you would want to fi nd on your cell mate or your Commander in Chief. The old standby Death Skulls appear next. Death Skulls are spooky. Grim reapers sporting shrouds and toting scythes. Pretty typical stuff. See one Death Skull and you've seen them all. I see Vladmir Putin wearing a Death Skull. Vlad is not technically a Republican Presidential candidate, but he plays one on TV. There is a tribe of tattoo fans who will buy a $12 magazine fi lled with pictures of skull tattoos. Little Skulls are an offshoot of Sugar Skulls only cuter. Some of the skulls are little bitty like the smiling sombrero skull nestled behind the wearer's ear. If My Little Pony were a skeleton, he would be a Little Skull. There was a happy little doggy skeleton that looked like it once belonged to a dachshund named Pooky. Another interesting tattoo was a mildly creepy landscape featuring a Dracula type castle with a smiling little happy face animal skull with the legend "Dead Animals Need Love, Too" fl oating in the sky. Ron Paul with his cheerful nihilism would be comfortable with a Little Skull. Realistic-style Skulls are just what they sound like. These tattoos are anatomically correct — if a bit gruesome. Like medical illustrators in their precision, the tattoo dudes who draw the Realistic Skulls are a cross between an artist and a mad scientist. One tattoo featured a smiling skull with the top cut off revealing a medically accurate brain. Another skull was from a person who had dental issues in life with bullet holes in his skull that had led to his untimely demise. Snakes poked out of the eye sockets of one skull. Outdoorsy types might want to get the tattoo of the skull wearing a SCUBA breathing device which due to the holes in the eye sockets was leaking large bubbles of air into the briny deep. I see Rick Santorum with his fascination about deciding women's health issues wearing one of these tattoos. Mexican Women Skulls are the most lively genre. These Day of the Dead skulls feature pretty women with tattooed black noses and lines on their faces to look like teeth or stitches. Rick Perry, who actually expressed compassion for immigrants, would enjoy this type of tattoo. Mitt Romney wouldn't wear a tattoo. He would hire some unemployed guy to wear it for him and then fi re him after the election. Rush Limbaugh will continue wearing his "He-man Woman Hater's Club" tattoo that he got from the Little Rascals. PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer. COM- MENTS? Editor@upandcomingweekly.com. As we celebrate the Inauguration of our new president, Ben E. Hancock, Jr., Ph.D., we invite you to join us on J rney THE METHODIST UNIVERSITY THE JOURNEY BEGINS h UNDERGRADUATE RESEARCH AND CREATIVITY COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT GLOBALIZATION Every Monarch has a journey. K METHODIST.EDU | 800.488.7110 Engage. Enrich. Empower. 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