Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/568136
24 UCW SEPTEMBER 9-15, 2015 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM I would be hard-pressed to name the worst offense com- mitted by Pixels (106 minutes). Knowing that Chris Columbus directed this nonsensical, half- hearted, sad little piece of work wasn't it. Knowing that Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling continue to earn a living turn- ing out horrifyingly bad drivel like this when they shouldn't be writing anything more involved than a late night infomercial isn't the worst, either. So, in no particular order, Pixels, how do I hate you? Let me count the ways. Go back and watch some early Adam Sandler movies. He was having fun! And he was funny! You will notice, perhaps, that 50 First Dates was the last really good Adam Sandler movie. Now take a good, long look at everything he has done since then. He did two or three egregiously terrible flicks, and ever since, whenever Adam Sandler appears in a movie, it's a computer simulation. He wanted to retire, but had to strike a deal with the studio to get out of his lifetime con- tract. That's why he always looks like he's five seconds away from falling to his knees and crying out to the heavens for relief. Maybe one day the real him will resurface and make us laugh again. Until then, we're stuck watching him in roles like Sam Brenner — played with wooden features, but somehow still so very, very sad. Now take a look at Peter Dinklage, who I assume must occasionally drink very heavily (or base his next project choices on bets he can't win). Dinklage is a fine actor and we all love him as Tyrion on Game of Thrones. So why does he keep ending up in films he obviously doesn't want to be in? The first time I noticed him faking his way through a terrible role he had no earthly reason to choose was Knights of Badassdom. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern. Clearly, he needs a better agent. Now let's deal with the tokenism. Michelle Monoghan plays a Lieutenant Colonel, but not the militant kind, more the emotionally damaged kind. She is a single mother named Violet, raising a son more together than she, who's favorite hobbies are not working out her aggression during physical training or venting her emotions on the firing range, but crying in her closet and sneaking wine. Her husband left her, so of course she is an emotional mess who is flattered by the attention of a mean-spirited, depressed, underem- ployed glorified television repairman named Sam. Since the purpose of the only other women to appear on-screen (Ashley Benson and Jane Krakowski) is to fulfill the sexual fantasies of other male characters, I am left with no one interesting to talk about. I would normally talk about the plot, but really, that can be summed up as "Look! Video Game characters you loved in the 80s!" Really, the video game characters were the only part worth paying attention to. The number of plot holes and flat-out balderdash present in the script renders trying to actually get anything more out of the plot an exercise in futility. Now showing at Patriot 14 +IMAX. The Movie Ate My Quarter Pixels (Rated PG-13) By HEATHER GRIFFITHS HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Cirque Montage Friday, September 25 - 8 pm Featuring former Cirque du Soleil performers Tickets: Call 910.521.6361 www.uncp.edu/gpactickets Ask about group rate discounts! John Dee Holeman, Pura Fé, Ulali Project, Lakota John & Kin, and Deer Clan Singers Saturday, September 19 Special Music Maker Exhibit & Concert Your opinion is something we always want to hear. Call or email us your feedback. WE'RE ALL EARS Questions? Comments? Story Ideas? Let us know how we're doing. 208 Rowan St. Fayetteville, NC 28301 910.484.6200 www.upandcomingweekly.com