Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/568136
SEPTEMBER 9-15, 2015 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Getting More Exorcize I went through a horrible divorce several years ago. Our marriage got very ugly, and I was mainly at fault. I've since worked very hard to get my life together and become a better person, but this past Saturday night, out of the blue, I got a slew of angry, abusive texts from my ex- husband. Some of these texts: "I have a new wife & she's younger than u & treats me way better." "My career is going great. I bet ur more of a mess than ever." "Ur a sociopath. I hope u die." He also texted me an aerial shot of his new house and pool. A while back, I tried to apologize to him on the phone, but he was, to put it nicely, not interested. Is there a way to stop all this ugliness? (P.S. The new me stopped the old me from sending back snarky texts.) — Changed Person Compassion is the gateway to accountability -- taking responsibility for the harm you caused. You do that by admitting what you did and apologizing for it and then trying to make good in the best way you can. Referencing the work of apology researcher Aaron Lazare, M.D., I explain in my book Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck that a meaningful apology is a "costly apology" — one that requires the person doing the apologizing to invest time and effort, take a hit to their ego by admitting wrongdoing, and maybe even spend money. (On that last one, that's if you, say, broke someone's vase.) A "costly apology" starts with a full jerktopsy — your dissection of three things: 1. Why what you did was wrong; 2. What it must mean to the person you wronged; and 3. How things could have (and should have) been different. Laying out these details — first for yourself and then for the person you harmed — helps them see that you understand what you did By making a meaningful effort to clean up the damage you did to their dignity — their feeling that they're worthy of care and respect — you may allow them to stop clinging to what you did and maybe even forgive you. Send your apology to your ex in a letter — one that is detailed and thoughtful, reflects self-knowledge and healthy humility, and expresses remorse. He may or may not accept your apology, believe you've changed, or change his attitude toward you. But apologizing is the right thing to do and, ultimately, something you need to do for you. Getting in the habit of being accountable makes you a better romantic partner, a better friend, and a better person. But sometimes you can't entirely do right by the person you hurt. Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD British director Missouri Williams brought an adaptation of Shakespeare's King Lear to the London Courtyard art facility in August for a one-week run, centered on a human actor struggling to stage the play using only sheep. The pivotal character, Lear's daughter Cordelia, famously withholds flattering Lear (thus forgoing inheriting the kingdom), and her silence forever tortures Lear — and of course silence is something sheep pull off well. Actor Alasdair Saksena admitted there is an "element of unpredictability with the sheep," but lauded their punctuality, calmness and lack of fee demands. Williams promised another Courtyard run for King Lear With Sheep in the fall. [New York Times, 8-11-2015; Islington Gazette, 8-12- 2015] Suspicions Confirmed The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office in Alexandria, Virginia, has an award-winning "telework" program allowing patent examiners flexible schedules, leading half of the 8,300 to work at home full-time — despite a 2014 Washington Post report on employees gaming the system. In August, the agency's inspector general exposed several of the most ridiculous cases of slacking off, including one examiner who was paid for at least 18 weeks' work last year that he did not perform and that his manager did not notice. (The examiner, who had been issued nine poor- performance warnings since 2012 and who had flaunted his carefree "workday" to co-workers for years, abruptly resigned two hours before a meeting on the charge and thus left with a "clean" personnel record.) Wrote the Post, "It's a startling example of a culture that's maddening." [Washington Post, 8-21-2015] Bright Ideas Only China and Iran execute more prisoners, but Saudi Arabia also has a soft side — for jihadists. Saudis who defy a ban on leaving the country to fight (usually against the common enemy, Syria's Bashar al-Assad) are, if they return, imprisoned at a maximum-security facility in Riyadh, but with liberal short "vacations" at "Family House," hotel-quality quarters with good food, playgrounds for children and other privileges (monitored through guest-satisfaction surveys). Returning jihadists also have access to education and psychologists and receive the equivalent of $530 a month with ATM privileges. The purpose is to persuade the warriors not to return to the battlefield once released, and officials estimate that the program is about 85 percent effective. [Bloomberg Business, 7-8-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, you are ready to move in new and unexpected directions. Your boss or supervisor may appreciate any new ideas you have and your willingness to try new things. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Many fun things are expected to unfold this week, Taurus. With so many people to see and errands to run, try to make some time to relax so you don't fall victim to fatigue. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 You have a desire to take in the great outdoors this week, Gemini. Enjoy boating, swimming or even just lounging around a lake. You will return home feeling recharged. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, expect to expend a lot of energy sorting out your calendar and getting things organized this week. Make the most of any leisure time that comes your way. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Goals and friendships at the workplace evolve this week, Leo. This may be a time of new beginnings for you, and you find yourself enjoying all the new opportunities. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, this week you will learn to work with any limitations you may have instead of feeling boxed in by them. There is much you can accomplish when you give it a try. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you have a number of items on your plate right now. It may seem overwhelming, but if you work though things one task at a time, you will get through it all. SCORPIO -Oct 24/Nov 22 Even some bad news canÕt get you down, Scorpio. Take it in stride and press on. Any obstacles only make you stronger for experiencing them. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, it may take some extra effort to work through a problem, but eventually you will find a solution. Don't be afraid to ask for some help if you get bogged down with things. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, you are feeling confident and capable this week. Things at work are moving along smoothly, and you can focus more of your attention on affairs at home. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, your ability to convey complicated messages in an easily understandable way puts you in high demand this week. Enjoy your time in the spotlight. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, take a measured approach to tasks this week. Do things in moderation so you can make progress with all of the projects on your plate. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard