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Saturday, February 11, 2012 – Daily News 7A Glory Days & maturity (MCT) — As far as Jill Cadigan was concerned, it was just another lonely Fri- day night. She poured her pinot grigio, TV purring in the background, and plunked herself down in front of the computer. At 40 and long single, she'd had plenty of friends rave about their Internet dating finds, but she never put faith in clicker romance. Not so many miles away on that chilly December's eve of 2009, Michael Thomas, a cop who was also 40, had just come home from work, ordered in beef lo mein and pot stickers, and had no ambitions for the night other than a few video games and catching a few Friday-night TV shows. Cue Cupid. For reasons Cadigan still can't pinpoint, that fateful night she clicked her way to the Internet dating site Match.com. "I never thought it would happen to me," she says, "but within five minutes I ended up seeing my hus- band. It was the first photo I saw that night, and I remember saying, 'Whoa, there are some really cute guys on here.' I winked at him" (that's Match lingo for letting him know she found him cute). Over at his lonely-bache- lor pad, Thomas caught the wink and clicked right back, sending an instant message that led to a real-life date just 48 hours later. By Christmas Eve, he'd blurted out, "I love you," as he dropped her off at home. And by 10-10-10, as they like to refer to their wedding date, they were husband and wife. Cadigan and Thomas are Exhibits A and B in the col- lected tales of true romance later in life. We talked to plenty like them, folks who never thought they would find "the one," some who never even wanted to get married ("When I was a little girl, I never played bride; I played queen or teacher," says one such woman who married at 42), and plenty of folks who were perfectly willing to wait till Ms. or Mr. Right came along. While it's hard to say just how many Americans fall into the first-time-in-love- in-their-40s-or-50s set, eHarmony (eharmony.com) says that on its site in the last three years, folks look- ing for love in their 40s and 50s have become the fastest-growing demo- graphic. And eHarmony boasts 542 marriages a day of couples who found com- patibility on its site, based on a 2009 Harris Interactive poll. Gian Gonzaga, a social and personality psycholo- gist who runs eHarmony's relationship research facility in Los Angeles (and the brains behind the 236-ques- tion compatibility question- naire that is the hallmark of eHarmony), has been study- ing for the past 20 years what accounts for long-term romantic success. He fig- ures he has interviewed tens lifestyles Tales of first-time romance from over-40 set Coconut oil: Heart-stopper or healthy favorite? (MCT) — Not long ago, coconut oil was vilified as an artery-clogging killer. But as anyone who follows nutrition trends knows, it's now the darling of the health-food set. Vegans like it because it's solid at room temperature and makes a good substitute for butter in baking. "We do use it in our coconut cake," says Amy McNutt, owner of Spiral Diner & Bakery, the vegan restaurant with locations in Dal- las and Fort Worth, Texas. "It does cook up more like a shortening, with a more crumbly crumb." The fervor over coconut oil goes beyond its cooking properties. A quick check on the Internet shows it's touted as a remedy for everything from stress to kidney problems. Only 15 years ago, the Center for Science in the Public Interest demonized coconut oil for the mega-dose of satu- rated fat it delivered with movie-theater popcorn. In 2009, the nutrition watchdog group reiterated its position, calling coconut oil a "heart-stopping fat." So what gives? How can a single oil be both good and bad? MCT photo Lesley Stephens and David Hansen walk around their neighborhood, Jan. 27, in Bellingham,Wash.The two married, the first for both, when he was 46 and she was 39. of thousands of couples. He knows intimately the landscape of love later in life and, in a recent phone call, ticked through the advantages and the draw- backs, which he points out are often one and the same. "In the advantages col- umn, you've got people who tend to be more secure in the day-to-day of their lives" compared with younger daters, Gonzaga says. "They've got better jobs, they're likely financially solid and have completed their education. Since finances are the biggest thing couples fight about, that removes one of the big stressors." Another thing, he says, is that by the time you're near- ing 40, "who you are psy- chologically tends to crys- tallize. You're not locked in, but you've stabilized who you are, and it's a little bit easier to depend on the other person being who they seem to be. We change most radically between the ages of 18 and 22." Then there's this recur- ring anthem: "One of the things we often hear from this age bracket is, 'I kind of get what's important to me,'" the love doctor adds. For Lesley Stephens, a speech pathologist who considered herself "eternal- ly single" at 35, it didn't hit her over the head the first time she went out for Indian food with David Hansen, a medical resident who was 42 at the time. But just one month later, says Stephens, something suddenly, undeniably hit her: "There's just knowing that you know. It was a feel- ing, 'This is serious.' "I could just totally be myself around him." Stephens and Hansen married when she was 39 and he was 46, the first mar- riage for both: "Things just felt natural and simple." One of the drawbacks of later-in-life romances, Gon- zaga said, is that "because we're less likely to change who we are, it places a high- er priority on picking the right person at the start of the relationship." Indeed, in talking to half a dozen couples who met in their late 30s, 40s or 50s, we heard over and over varia- tions on the I-knew-right- away theme. And once they knew, most of the couples said, navigating the bumps was mostly a cinch, since they knew through and through how one-in-a-mil- lion those matches felt. Carolyn Jacob is a Har- vard-trained dermatologist who was almost 41 when she got married. When "suddenly, eerily, you meet someone who is just the right someone, after you've been single for a very long time," she says, "the learn- ing curve is short but very important." It matters that you get it right, learn how to be a team player, she says, "because it's so wonderful to have a best friend to share the rest of your life." Michael Thomas, who, like his wife, had never been married, wholly gets how blessed he is, no matter how long it took, and no matter that he discovered her on a computer screen: "Every morning when I wake up, I look over at her and think, 'Oh, I am so happy.' Her positive energy just rubs off on everything I do. I used to wake up and groan at the start of the day." For her part, Cadigan calls her beloved cop "an angel on earth" and says she is so very grateful she was- n't willing to settle, just to get married like all of her friends. "I am so thankful every single day for him," she says. And she has no regrets that it wasn't one day soon- er. "I met him at exactly the right time that we were sup- posed to meet. I wouldn't change one bit of our story." KEEP THE FAITH Some advice from the 40-something Front, com- piled from interviews with six couples: Always have hope. Don't settle, or leap into marriage for the wrong reasons. While you're waiting, be patient. Live your life at 100 percent and have faith that if Mr. or Ms. Right comes along, you'll know it when it happens. Until then, make as many of your dreams come true as you can. It can be hard to get used to someone else's quirks. But remember they are getting used to yours — and, by this time in your life, you know what yours are. Try hard to be a team player. This means sacrific- ing some of your indepen- dence. Communication is key. If you're frustrated that someone can't read your mind, speak up. By the time you're in your 40s, you're smart enough to know you can't sweep stuff under the rug. If something is bugging you, say so. Solve it. At least talk it through. Remember this thought from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you. In other words, when you decide you're going to love someone no matter what, it's easier to say, "Yes, warts and all, we're going to work this out." Pampering with a Purpose Pamper your Valentine with a Microdermabrasion Special Microdermabrasion Treatments $9000 3 Mini 1/2 Hour only Call for appointment (530) 200-1365 Located in Tehama Family Fitness Center 24985 So. Main St., Red Bluff Gift Certificates Available T Red Bluff Elksh e re's a new chef in t $1600 o w n Friday Night Buffet 6-8pm Monday Night 6-8pm Choice NY Steak Sandwich with Salad Bar, French Fries or Onion Rings OPEN TO THE PUBLIC $900 355 Gilmore Road, Red Bluff • 527-3421 3 month Membership Single $99 Couple $ Must be paid in full • No Refunds New members only 1 month unlimted 25.00 Tanning $ Limit - 2 per person must be 18 years or older no exceptions Tehama Family Fitness Center 2498 South Main St • Red Bluff 528-8656 www.tehamafamilyfitness.com As it turns out, we're really talking about two forms of coconut oil: conventional coconut oil and virgin coconut oil. "Unhealthy (conventional) coconut oil is produced from dried coconut," explains Tom Brenna in an e-mail. The pro- fessor of human nutrition at Cornell University is an expert on the subject. "It is extracted and then chemically treated in various ways to remove undesirable components and some- times hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated. It is hydro- genated oils, often called 'trans fats,' that are associated with cardiovascular disease." OK, got that? Artificially hydrogenated fat is, in CSPI's colorful lingo, "heart-stopping fat," the kind that raises LDL, the so-called "bad" cholesterol. Too much cholesterol clogs arteries, leading to blockages that can impede blood flow. Hello, heart attack. Virgin coconut oil is different. "Virgin coconut oil is extracted from fresh coconut by homogenizing it into a fine pulp and then gently heating," Brenna continues. "The coconut oil is skimmed from the top. No harsh treatment." So, it contains none of the harmful fats that occur with hydrogenation. The key term is "virgin." That's what you look for on a product label. But that's not quite the whole story. "Let's be clear on one point," writes Brenna. "There is no fat that raises cholesterol as much as conventionally pro- duced coconut oil ... at least in experiment animals in which it has been studied. It's as bad as ever, and those data are solid." Conventional coconut oil is still used on a lot of movie- theater popcorn, which is why CSPI still disses it. "The question is whether gently produced VCO is bet- ter," says Brenna. Virgin coconut oil still contains naturally saturated fats. Conventionally processed coconut oil contains the same fats plus the artificially hydrogenated fats plus whatever changes occur during what Brenna calls the "harsh treat- ment." "This is biochemistry at its best," says Meredith Ratliff, a registered and licensed dietitian with Texas Health Pres- byterian Dallas who thinks most people struggle even to understand hydrogenation. "I don't necessarily agree with the push to try to add more (virgin) coconut oil in the diet," she says. "I would say other fats have a healthier profile." We don't know how good virgin coconut oil is for you because our understanding of saturated fats and VCO is incomplete. There are saturated fats in chocolate, for exam- ple, that don't appear to be harmful. So, too, many positive benefits stem from lauric acid, a major saturated fat in coconut oil. This is where a lot of the online health claims come from, but they are not substantiated for virgin coconut oil. "Any lauric acid in the diet is good," says Ratliff. "Unprocessed palm kernel oil and cinnamon oil also con- tain lauric acid. The downside to coconut oil is that it con- tains a large amount of myristic acid, which has been shown to increase LDL and cholesterol." Her bottom line: Virgin coconut oil "can be a good option for replacing processed oils in your diet." 169