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Tuesday, February 7, 2012 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Paramour's progeny prompts precaution Dear Annie: After 40 years of marriage, my wife came home from work one day and said she was leav- ing. I decided then that I would never marry again. Four years ago, I met "Lynn.'' Now, of course, I am madly in love with her. She never ceases to amaze me with her big heart and infectious smile. She accepts that I don't want to marry, but I have noticed that when someone gets engaged, her mood changes dramat- ically. She becomes depressed and cries, and I can see the hurt in her face. I've decided I do want to marry Lynn, but the problem is her 20- year-old son, ''Mike.'' He is bipolar and uses that as an excuse to sleep all day and play video games all night. He once said he can't get the mail because he is bipolar. He lives with multiple friends, each of whom eventually kicks him out because he won't help out and he steals from them. When Mike lived with Lynn, he stole from her, screamed at her, snuck out at night and got into legal trouble. They went to counseling together, and Lynn was on serious depression medicines until Mike moved out. When Mike calls, Lynn breaks out in a nervous rash. Mike stayed here for two weeks last year and hacked my computer, watched porn all night and stole from us. Lynn and I are scared to death that he will run out of housing Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar options and she will have to take him in. My heart says to marry Lynn, but my head doesn't want to take on the issues with Mike. What do I do? — Confused Dear Confused: First, please tell Lynn that you want to marry her. It will make her happy and more amenable to working on the problems with her son. Then get premarital counseling, and also contact the Depres- sion and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org) for sug- gestions on how to deal with Mike. Dear Annie: Several times recently we have been invited to someone's house and the TV has been blaring, most often with some awful trashy soap opera or reality show spewing ugly, vile nonsense. I find the noise deafening, espe- cially at my mother-in-law's. Often I can't hear the conversation over the din. And the fact that the TV is left on while others are visiting is rude and insulting. Can I ask that it be turned off? I don't want to start a fight, but I find this behavior horrible. Is the proto- col different if you are related? — Saskatoon Dear Saskatoon: We agree that it is rude to keep the TV on when you have visitors, and it is perfectly OK to say nicely, ''Would you mind if we turn that off? I'd much prefer concentrating on our conversation.'' Relatives, however, often drop by whenever they feel like it. If you are intruding, rather than invited, you shouldn't be surprised when Mom prefers to watch her favorite pro- gram. Dear Annie: Like ''Iowa,'' my husband and I were both in a ''par- tying stage'' when we married. His main goals were to play golf, watch football and go out with his friends. We have since become parents, and my husband is still stuck in that cycle. He goes out at least once a week and drinks excessively. On weekends, he is either playing golf or watching sports. We have been to marriage counseling numerous times, and nothing has changed. I am hurt and a little resentful. I also worry that he is setting a bad exam- ple for our son. We cannot reach an agreement on what is acceptable, and the coun- selor has not helped. Is it too late for him to grow up and be a better hus- band? — Been There for 19 years Dear Been: No, but he has to be willing to work on it. If not, you need to make some decisions about your future. A new counselor might help you make some headway. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. County agency trains shaken baby trainers Accupuncture proves useful for pain relief DEAR DOC- TOR K: A friend keeps telling me to try acupunc- ture for my low back pain. But I don't understand how a bunch of needles will help. Can you explain how acupuncture works? DEAR READ- Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. ER: Acupuncture is a technique of traditional Chinese medicine. The theory is that the body maintains a delicate bal- ance of two opposing forces. Disease occurs when these forces are out of balance. This imbalance is believed to block the flow of vital energy. This energy reg- ulates spiritual, emo- tional, mental and phys- ical balance. The Chinese believe that by inserting thin needles at specific points on the body, acupuncture unblocks the flow of vital energy. This, in turn, restores health to the body and mind. Acupuncture is used for a wide variety of complaints. These include chronic pain, headaches, side effects of cancer treatment, addiction and hot flash- es. Acupuncture may be used on its own, or it can complement Western medicine. As a Western-trained doctor, I can't assess the traditional Chinese theo- ry behind acupuncture. That's because I don't know how to measure "opposing forces" or "vital energy." If you can't measure the cen- tral concepts of a theory, you can't test how valid the theory is. Western medicine Courtesy photo Tehama County Health Services Agency recently held a Shaken Baby train the trainer class. The agency trained 31 people, pictured here.Organizers said they were thrilled with the turnout. For more information, visit http://www.tehamacohealthservices.net. Shriners offer free health screenings in Redding As part of the Shrine's continuing effort to do outreach in the communi- ties of Northern California, the Shrine will be holding a free Screening Clin- ic from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. on March 3 at the Shasta Community Health Center, 1035 Placer St., in Redding. The purpose of the clinic is to iden- tify children who can benefit from expert orthopaedic, spinal cord, burn care including plastic surgery for non- Newly Remodeled! RIDGEWAY PARK RECREATION HALL & GYMNASIUM Available for events, meetings & team practices Tehama County Parks for reservation information Reasonable rates Call An alcohol-free facility 528-1111 COMPLETE AUTO REPAIR All makes and models. We perform dealer recommened 30K, 60K, 90K SERVICES AT LOWER PRICES Smog Check starting at $ (most cars and pick-ups) 2595 + cert. Pass or FREE retest 527-9841 • 195 S. 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Ralph Campbell, EA Enrolled Agent Daniele Jackson 530-529-9540 855 Walnut St. #2, Red Bluff FINDERS CHECK OUT OUR NEW INVENTORY KEEPERS Thrift & Antiques Tue-Sat: 10am-5pm In the Frontier Village Shopping Center 645 Antelope Blvd. 530 527-7798 explains acupuncture's effects through a differ- ent theory. We think acupuncture stimulates chemicals that transmit pain, certain hormones and immune system molecules. However, our theories also are unproved. Even though we don't know how it works, I do believe that acupuncture can be valuable, particu- larly in treating pain. That's because studies that meet Western scien- tific standards have shown this to be true. During your first appointment, your prac- titioner will ask detailed questions about your health, lifestyle and behaviors. These ques- tions will range far beyond your specific symp- toms. This is in keeping with the mind-body nature of tradi- tional Chinese medicine. Be sure to tell your acupunctur- ist about all of your medical conditions, all medica- tions and other treat- ments you are receiving. (On the flip side, also tell your doctor you are having acupuncture treatment.) During treatment, the acupuncturist swabs each puncture site with alcohol to disinfect it. He or she then inserts the acupuncture needles at various locations on your body. You should feel no or minimal dis- comfort as the needles are inserted. Most peo- ple either feel relaxed or energized when the nee- dles go in. The needles are metallic, solid and hair- thin. Your acupuncturist should use only steril- ized needles that he or she disposes of after one use. After treatment, you may have bleeding, soreness or bruising where the needles were inserted. If you decide to try acupuncture, choose a licensed acupuncturist. But keep in mind that licensure is never a guar- antee of good quality. A lot of Western- trained doctors are sus- picious of treatments, like acupuncture, that are called "alternative" or "complementary" medicine. I think treat- ments that have persisted in human societies for thousands of years need to be taken seriously. I also think they need to be tested scientifically, according to the princi- ples of Western science. Fortunately, many medical schools (like my own) have mounted seri- ous efforts to study com- plementary and alterna- tive medicine. I predict that more alternative practices will prove use- ful in scientific studies, and then become part of standard practice. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. 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