Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/46914
2B Daily News – Monday, November 7, 2011 FEATURES Sick suitor spawns spouse's suspicion Dear Annie: My wife and I just celebrated a bit- tersweet 25th wedding anniversary. Eight months ago, a friend emailed that my wife's college boyfriend, ''Steve,'' was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Their relationship only last- ed a few months, but it was intense. He broke it off. She held on to those feelings for the longest time. Even while we were dating, she communicated with him. I was aware of this, but felt lucky simply to have her in my life. ried. I am crushed. We have Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar When she informed me of Steve's illness, I did not react well. I said I never liked him and wasn't interested in knowing what was going on. Unbeknownst to me, my wife joined a cancer survivors web- site that Steve logged on to so she could follow his progress. She found out that he never married. The week Steve died, I saw the website address on her computer. She admitted what she'd done and also told me she had emailed to wish him the best. I was floored by this informa- tion. I asked what he said in reply, and she told me, ''Not much. It was- n't like he proclaimed his everlast- ing love.'' I haven't been able to get that out of my head. Annie, it makes me believe it's what she was hoping for — that he would confess he made a mistake breaking up with her, and that's why he never mar- had a few blowups over this. Of course, she says she only reconnected with Steve because she felt bad for him. Am I overreacting, or will she always love this guy? — Tough Times in Kentucky Dear Kentucky: Twen- ty-six years ago, your wife cared for Steve. When she learned he was seriously ill, she felt sorry for him, want- ed to see how he was doing and sent her best wishes. This was a perfectly normal, compassionate response. Steve is certainly no threat to you now and probably never was. Somehow you con- vinced yourself that she married you only because she couldn't have him. Please control your insecurity before you push her away com- pletely. Dear Annie: I live in a large town so I can be near the doctors I need. I am not married, I have no children, and my family members do not live in the area. I am scheduled for brain surgery, and none of my family will be com- ing to the hospital, although my father said he might. I've spoken with a therapist about it, and he reassures me that it won't be that bad. But can you imagine having major surgery with no person there for you? — Alone in Omaha Dear Alone: This must be a ter- ribly difficult time. Please call your family and tell them how much it day, Nov. 30, the local chapter of Mother Against Drunk Driving (MADD) will host a memorial dedi- cation ceremony and can- dlelight vigil in Redding to raise awareness of the legal consequences of drunk dri- ving and to honor past vic- tims of this crime. During the ceremony a memorial stone will be dedicated at the intersec- tion of Cypress and Athens Avenue, near the scene of the collision where Penny Gay Maillet and her six- year-old daughter Michelle Ailene Maillet were killed by a repeat drunk driver on Jan. 3, 1979. As a result of that crash, the California Supreme Court made a landmark ruling in 1981, which made it possible statewide to prosecute someone for murder if they drive while intoxicated and cause a crash that kills another individual. would mean to you if someone could sit by your side. Sometimes they don't know. Also contact your friends, who can be a huge source of support. Then ask your doctor if the hospital has a social worker on staff. You are probably not the only person in this position, and hospi- tals often have help available. You will be in our thoughts and prayers. Dear Annie: I disagree with your answer to ''Frustrated with Finances.'' The bride is totally out of line to expect someone to rearrange three-year plans in order to attend a destination wedding. I had a destination wedding eight years ago. I knew many people would be unable to attend, and it was OK. A few months later, we had a big party and showed the video of our wedding. It worked out perfect- ly, and there were no hard feelings. — Had the Perfect Wedding Dear Had: You were consider- ate of your guests, and we don't dis- agree that ''Frustrated's'' sister is out of line. But if the couple is going to Hawaii anyway, attending could be done with a minimum of fuss — if they wish to do so. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Memorial dedication and remembrance ceremony At 6 p.m. on Wednes- This ruling is consid- ered to be one of the most significant DUI decisions in California's history and has been instrumental in the campaign to eliminate drunk driving. This memo- rial dedication is being held to commemorate the 30-year anniversary of that ruling and to honor the Maillet family, and all vic- tims of DUI crimes. Danielle Maillet Mil- sten, the surviving daugh- ter who was critically injured in the 1979 crash, and Patrick Maillet, the surviving husband and father, will speak at this memorial dedication. According to the National Highway Traffic Association (NHTSA), alcohol-impaired driving is the most frequently committed violent crime in America. In Shasta County alone more than 50 people were injured or killed in an alcohol-related motor vehicle crash during 2009. In fact, close to 40 per- cent of all people who died in Shasta County motor vehicle crashes during 2009 died as a result of impaired driving. In light of this sobering truth, MADD encourages you to join with them in raising awareness of the conse- quences of drunk driving and honoring past victims of this crime. Following the dedica- tion ceremony, a candle- light vigil will be held honoring other victims of DUI crashes Local law enforcement officers will read the names of victims during this special tribute ceremony. If you are a vic- tim, have lost a loved one to DUI, and know some- one who would like to take part in the ceremony and candlelight vigil con- tact MADD Shasta Coun- ty. For more information or to participate please RSVP to MADD Shasta County (530) 924-4863 or mad- dmshasta@gmail.com by Nov. 20. Not everyone's teeth can be sparkling white DEAR DOC- TOR K: I'd like to have whiter teeth. But no matter what I try, includ- ing whitening toothpaste and other drugstore treatments, I can't get the brightness I want. Can profes- sional treatments help? When it is dam- aged or killed, the tooth looks dark- er. Lightening the pulp with bleach can whiten the tooth's appear- ance. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: There are many myths and misconceptions when it comes to our teeth. One of the most common is that all stains and discol- orations can be easily whitened or cleaned away. Sometimes they can, but it depends on what's caus- ing your tooth discol- oration. Sometimes even professional procedures can't make your teeth sparkling white. Some stains do respond to cleaning and whitening procedures. For example, the brown or yellow stains caused by tobacco, coffee and some foods can usual- ly be removed by a trip to the dentist for a cleaning. It may surprise you to know that some metals can change your tooth color if you inhale or swallow them. Copper can turn your teeth green, while mercury can turn them black. I had a patient once who put copper pen- nies in the water when she put flowers in a vase. The copper kept the water from clouding up. One day she accidentally swal- lowed the water in the vase — don't ask me why; I was too amazed to ask her. These types of stains usually respond well to professional cleaning or tooth-whitening proce- dures, as they did in her case. Tooth discoloration related to damage or death of the pulp is harder to fix, but not impossible. The pulp is the soft, inner part of your tooth that contains blood vessels and nerves. Certain child- hood events can cause hard-to- treat stains and discoloration of the teeth. Taking the antibiotic tetracycline in childhood can cause stains that are hard or impossible to whiten away. And chil- dren raised drinking water that has an excess of cer- tain minerals in it (such as copper or silver) can have unevenly colored teeth. Even stains like these that don't respond well to whitening or cleaning can sometimes be masked by bonding. In this proce- dure, the dentist paints a plastic-like material onto the tooth, which whitens it. It's important for you to know that, ironically, too much tooth whitening can make your teeth look gray. The whitening pro- cedures can make the teeth translucent, instead of opaque white. That's one of the many reasons you should see your den- tist before taking any dras- tic steps to whiten your teeth. Using whitening toothpaste regularly is fine, not drastic. But check with your dentist before doing more than that. We have a lot of infor- mation about dental health in our Special Health Report, "Dental Health for Adults: A Guide to Protecting Your Teeth and Gums." You can learn about it at my website. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Dungeness crab season is open California's sportsmen and women are preparing their crab pots and hoop nets for the statewide recreational Dungeness crab season opener, which opened Saturday. "Crab populations appear to be robust this year, especially in Central California, coming off a record harvest during the 2010-11 season," said DFG Senior Environmental Scientist Pete Kalvass, who oversees the Invertebrate Management Project. "This could mean another great season for recre- ational crabbers." Crab pots (or traps), loop traps and hoop nets are all popular method for catching the tasty crus- tacean. New regulations this year require hoop netters to raise their nets to the surface to inspect the contents of the net at least every two hours. Any undersize crabs and incidentally caught fish and invertebrates can then be more quickly released. The main purpose of the new regulation is to ensure that each fisherman closely monitors his or her gear and does not allow any equipment to be abandoned in state waters. Trap fishermen should also closely monitor their traps because lost trap gear can continue to fish and adversely impact the fishery by becoming a self- baiting crab killer. Recreational crabbers may keep up to 10 Dunge- ness crabs per day, or six crabs if fishing from a party boat south of Mendocino County. Dungeness crab may not be taken within San Francisco or San Pablo bays, which are important crab nursery areas. The recreational size limit for Dungeness crab is five and three-quarter inches measured across the shell, directly in front of and excluding the lateral spines. Crab taken from party boats must measure at least six inches across. For a measurement dia- gram, see the DFG website at http://nrm.dfg.ca.gov/FileHandler.ashx?Documen- tID=36325. Dungeness crabs generally prefer cooler north- ern and central California waters and are uncom- mon south of Point Conception. They are usually found on sandy or sand-mud bottoms at depths of less than 300 feet, although they can be found in almost any sea floor habitat, and have been docu- mented at depths of 750 feet or more. For more information regarding recreational Dungeness crab fishing regulations and other crab species, please visit the DFG Marine Region web- site at www.dfg.ca.gov/marine/invertebrate/crabs.asp.