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Thursday, October 27, 2011 – Daily News FEATURES Harry's hometown hobby Dear Annie: My husband, ''Harry,'' and I have been mar- ried for 32 years. Recently, he lost his job because of dis- ability. I work two jobs to support the family. Six months ago, Harry suggested we sell our house and move to his old hometown two hours away. I Nellie Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar refused because of my jobs and our children, who live near us. Harry says he spends too much time alone while I work. He also doesn't like that I have the grandchildren over, saying I care more for them (and my job) than I do for him. I know he feels bad because he can- not work, and I have tried to find him hobbies. He has been visiting his hometown twice a week. At first, I thought he had someone else on the side, but he says he just likes to be there. It's comfortable. Now he says he is going to move to his hometown with- out me. He told me he still wants to ''date'' and stay in our home once a week so he can see the grandchildren and work on our marriage. I am confused. It seems Harry isn't sure he's still in love with me. Now I will have to find a third job just to make the house payment. I am so hurt and angry. What should I do? — Nervous Dear Nellie: We think Harry is depressed and adrift. His hometown provides a soothing cocoon and a reminder of better times. Right now, you need to consider your own welfare. We recommend you talk to an attorney to make sure you are protected. You may need to sell the house and move into a smaller, more affordable place. Decide whether you wish to ''date'' Harry, relocate to his hometown or divorce him. Some short-term counsel- ing could help with these decisions, and although it would be useful for Harry to go with you, if he refuses, please go without him. Dear Annie: I share a job with ''Joan,'' my co-worker. We each know what tasks have to be done, and togeth- er, we are responsible for making sure everything gets done. Frequently, when Joan is off doing one thing, I will start on another. I am not the type to sit around doing nothing until she is free to start the next task. When she returns, she invariably says, ''I can help with that,'' in a tone that conveys the message that I should- n't have started without her. I never know how to respond. I've said, ''Sure,'' but what I really want to say is, ''You don't need an invitation.'' How- ever, I don't think that would go over well. Today, a phone call needed to be made. Joan sent me a note asking about it, and I took care of it. She then con- fronted me, saying she would have Steve Jobs told Walter Isaacson he wanted him to write his biography because he's good at getting people to talk. Jobs, it turns out, didn't need much prodding, secretive as he was about both his private life and the company he founded. ''I just listened,'' said Isaacson, whose book, ''Steve Jobs'' (Simon & Schuster) went on sale Monday. Jobs, who died Oct. 5 at 56 after a long struggle with pancreatic cancer, was a man full of deep contradictions, a product of 1960s counterculture who went on to found what is now the world's most valuable technology company, Apple Inc. In an interview with The Associated Press Wednesday, Isaacson said Jobs was a com- pelling storyteller with ''fascinating stories.'' Sometimes, the author would hear him tell those tales two or three times, often with slight variations. But through more than 40 conversa- tions with Jobs, as well as interviews with his family, close friends, co-workers and rivals, Isaacson painted a rich portrait of a complex, sometimes conflicting figure. Isaacson began work on the book in 2009 after Jobs' wife, Lau- rene Powell, told him that if he was ''ever going to do a book on Steve, you'd better do it now.'' It was just after Jobs had taken his sec- ond medical leave as CEO of Apple, in Janu- ary of that year. His third leave, which began in January 2011, would be his final one. ''He was not sick through much of this process,'' Isaacson said, when asked about what it was like to be work- ing on the book and speaking with Jobs' family while he was ill. ''We took long walks,'' he said. ''Every evening, he would have dinner around the kitchen table with his wife and kids. He didn't go out socializing or to black-tie dinners. He didn't travel much. Even though he was focused on his work, he was always home for dinner.'' Those who see Jobs as the iconic CEO first might be surprised to read about his devotion to his family. It wasn't always evident. As a young man, Jobs denied paternity of his first daughter, Lisa Brennan- Jobs, for years after Lisa was born in 1978. The two later recon- ciled. done it herself but I ''took over.'' She has been doing this job longer than I have, so why does she seem so inse- cure? What can I do when this happens again? — Diana in Detroit Dear Diana: Some people need constant reassurance that they are val- ued. You don't have to cater to Joan's insecurity, but it helps to get along with co-workers. Tell her you aren't trying to ''take over'' and that you simply want to get the job done and divide the work so neither of you is overextended. Inform her before making a phone call to ensure you aren't repeating some- thing she has already done. Periodical- ly ask her opinion. Reassure her that the office would collapse without her. It requires little effort for you to give her the impression that she is important. Ignore the rest. Dear Annie: I chuckled while read- ing the letter from ''Stressed Out by Picky Eaters,'' whose family members drive her crazy with their food prefer- ences. It brought back memories of an old friend who had a sign in her kitchen: ''You have two choices for dinner: Take it or leave it!'' — That Works in My House, Too Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W.Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Writer Isaacson on Steve Jobs: 'I just listened' NEW YORK (AP) — Isaacson said he was most surprised by the intensity of Jobs' emo- tions. ''Sometimes I'd look up and there would be tears running down his cheek,'' Isaacson said. Jobs told him he was always moved by ''artistic purity.'' Some- times, it was the design of a product, or even the creation of an advertise- ment that would move him to tears. Other times, it happened as he talked about a person who meant a lot to him. For his 20th wedding anniversary with Pow- ell, Jobs wrote her a let- ter that he read to Isaac- son from his iPhone. By the end, Isaacson said, he was crying uncon- trollably. ''Years passed, kids came, good times, hard times, but never bad times,'' Jobs wrote in the note. ''Our love and respect has endured and grown.'' Those around Jobs referred to his ability to influence the perception of those around him as his ''reality distortion field.'' Though on the surface it sounds simi- lar, this was far more complex than someone who is lying or deluding himself. As Apple co- founder Steve Wozniak puts it in the book: ''You realize that it can't be true, but he somehow makes it true.'' The ''reality distor- tion field'' was Jobs' way of getting people to do what they thought was impossible, Isaac- son said. An example was how he'd tell an engineer working on the Macintosh that he could save 10 seconds on the time the computer need- ed to boot up if he just wrote better code. ''And the guy would say 'no you can't,''' Isaacson said. Jobs then asked the engineer if he could do it if it would save a life. And so the engineer did; he wrote better code and he shaved not 10 but 28 seconds off the Macintosh's boot-up time. While writing the book, Isaacson said he came to understand the connection between Jobs' temperamental behavior and his artistic passion. ''I have a strong emotional respect for Steve,'' he said. ''And it helped me put in per- spective ... the tales of him being hard on peo- ple. Because I knew it was all in the context of getting people to do the impossible. Which he did.'' Isaacson didn't spend time shadowing Jobs, though he did spend an afternoon at the design studio of Jony Ive, the chief designer at Apple who worked on the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad. It was Ive who came up with the idea of making the first iPod, including its head- phones, pure white. In the afternoons, Isaacson said Jobs would walk around Ive's studio and touch all the new proto- types that were laid out there. ''He was a very tac- tile person,'' Isaacson said. ''He loved to fon- dle the prototypes.'' Isaacson spent a long afternoon in that studio and doing so ''realized what a serene experi- ence it was. Quiet, with new-age jazz playing softly. The leaves from the trees outside casting dancing silhouette shad- ows on the tinted win- dows. And even small products like power adapters being lined up for inspections.'' Can Apple continue to thrive without Jobs? ''Yeah, I think that his great creation was not any one product but a company in which creativity was connect- ed to great engineer- ing,'' Isaacson said. ''And that will survive at least while the cur- rent people who trained under Steve are there.'' Hair-straightening products require careful use DEAR DOCTOR K: I had my hair chemical- ly straightened six months ago. I love the way it looks, but I'm worried that hair- straightening products may not be safe. I hear they contain formalde- hyde. DEAR READER: You're right to be con- cerned. Chemical hair- straightening products pose more of a risk than you may think. Hair straighteners are also known as hair relax- ers, keratin treatments and hair-smoothing prod- ucts. They work by break- ing and reforming the chemical bonds in keratin, which is the main protein that gives shape to each hair. During the treatment, the hair-straightening product is applied to your hair and left in place for some time. Afterward your hair is blown dry or ironed. One treatment lasts two to three months. Many hair straighten- ers contain a chemical called formaldehyde (also known as formalin). This substance is associated with various health prob- lems. The chemical can cause rashes when it comes in contact with your scalp or the skin of your neck and face. The chemical's fumes can get in the air, and breathing in that air can cause irrita- tion of your nose, throat and lungs. The symptoms can include breathing dif- ficulties, heaviness in the chest, sore throat, headache, fatigue, and burning eyes, nose and throat. If you have had many hair-straightening treatments, and never had these symptoms, you are less likely to ever get them. Formaldehyde can cause cancer in rats. That doesn't mean it also caus- es cancer in humans, however. The National Cancer Institute and oth- ers have conducted stud- ies of workers who are exposed regularly to formaldehyde fumes. Since formaldehyde is used to preserve dead bodies, people who work in funeral homes are Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. exposed to the chemical. Some studies have indicat- ed that rates of certain blood can- cers and brain cancers may be high- er in funeral workers. It's by no means a proven risk, but there is a reason for people who work with embalming fluid to be concerned. However, I'm not aware of any studies indi- cating that hairdressers have a higher risk of can- cer. And there's no evi- dence that people who get their hair straightened every several months have a higher risk of cancer. There's another con- cern, too. Hair-straighten- ing products are allowed to contain small concen- trations of formaldehyde (0.2 percent). But several hair-straightening solu- tions have been found to contain well above the allowable limit. For example, one popular hair-straightening product that advertised itself as "formaldehyde-free" actually contained 6.8 percent to 11.8 percent formaldehyde. If you haven't had rashes and irritation of your respiratory system from past treatments, there is little reason to stop them — so long as your hairdresser contin- ues to use the same hair- straightening products. As an alternative, ask your hairdresser if he or she has a hair-straighten- ing liquid that does not include formaldehyde; they do exist. Finally, your hair can be straight- ened without the use of chemicals by using a flat iron. The downside is that this may damage and dry out your hair if not done carefully. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional inf or mation: www.AskDoctorK.com. Recycle The Warmth Yes, I can help! Who do you know that needs a coat? Yourself? Children? Grandchildren? Mother or Father? Neighbor? Homeless? Friend? Co-worker? Elderly? C ome to: Bethel Church, 625 Luther Rd., Saturday, Nov. 12th 8:00am to 12 noon Help us get the word out. Every year the Daily News associates have sponsored a warm clothing/soup kitchen giveaway. It is our way of saying " we care about others". Clothing, blankets and food will be available for all. Please help us pass the word to families and individuals that would benefit from this event. If you would like to donate, bring your gently used: • BLANKETS • COATS • HATS • SCARVES • WINTER CLOTHING, to the Daily News, 545 Diamond Ave. We will be accepting items until Nov.11th. This event is open to any family or individual in need of winter clothing. THANK YOU Senia Owensby Getting the word out about Recycle The Warmth. Setting up night before giveaway, Nov. 11th. Roving help during giveaway. Tearing down afterward, boxing up, cleaning up. Transporting leftover items back to Daily News. We Also Need: Clothes racks of any size Trash/Leaf - sized bags Your own unique skill or talent Name Phone # E-mail Senia Owensby Daily News, 545 Diamond Ave. Call 527-2151, (DailyNews), 526-2173, (cell), or e-mail production@redbluffdailynews.com wowensby@gmail.com 3B Pl The greatest needs each year are for X-Lar sincerely appreciate everyone' g e warm clothes. We sizes and Children' s participation. s ease r e t u r n t h i s f o r m t o