Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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JANUARY 14-20, 2015 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Leave Story I had an amazing first date with this guy: dinner, a movie, a stroll around the park, and a passionate good-night kiss. That was two weeks ago. Since then, I haven't heard a peep. How was it awesome for me but not for him? Were we, unbeknownst to me, on two differ- ent dates? — Disturbed When a man disappears on you after a great first date, it's natural to search your mind for the most plausible explanation — that is, whichever one doesn't shred your ego and feed it to your fish. Top choices include: 1. He was kidnapped by revolu- tionaries. 2. His couch caught fire while he was setting up candles around a shrine to you, and he's now homeless and, more im- portantly, phoneless. 3. He double-parked at 7-Eleven, and then a witch put a spell on him, turning him into a Big Gulp, and some skater kid drank him. The reality is, maybe you and he actually were, "unbe- knownst to (you), on two different dates." We have a tendency to assume others' thoughts, beliefs, feelings and desires match our own, explains psychologist Nich- olas Epley in Mindwise. What we forget to consider are what Epley calls "the broader contexts that influence a person's actions." For example, maybe smack in the middle of all that "awesome," the guy was raking through a few thoughts — like whether he's truly over his previous girlfriend, whether he likes the woman from Tuesday better, whether he's straight. And sorry, but despite the "passionate" kiss, it's possible the attraction to you just wasn't there. One of my guy friends, a re- formed cad, explained: "I used to do this all the time with women. I'd realize I wasn't that attracted to them, but since I was already there on the date, I'd keep moving forward and see if I could get laid, 'cause why not? So from their point of view, the date was 'awesome,' but what they didn't know was that there was never going to be a second date." The hurt and "huh?" you feel when this sort of thing happens is a measure of the distance between expectations and reality. You can avoid this by managing your expec- tations, and the best way to do that is by not allowing yourself to have any. In short, until your phone rings and the guy is on the oth- er end asking you for a date or another date, he doesn't exist. When you're on a first date that seems to be going well, the attitude to take is to enjoy yourself to the fullest in the moment — which is loads easier when you aren't all up in your head figuring out what you'll say when the little girl you two have together comes home at age 8 demanding to be allowed to have her nipples pierced. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Richard Rosario is in year 18 of a 25-to- life sentence for murder, even though 13 alibi witnesses have tried to tell authorities that he was with them — 1,000 miles away — at the time of the crime. (Among the 13 are a sheriff's deputy, a pastor and a federal corrections officer.) The "evidence" against him: Two "eyewitnesses" in New York City had picked him out of a mugshot book. Rosario had given police names, addresses and phone numbers of the 13 people in Florida, but so far, everyone (except NBC's Dateline) has ignored the list, including Rosario's court-appointed lawyers. As is often the case, appeals court judges (state and federal) have trusted the eyewitnesses and the "process." (In November, Dateline located nine of the 13, who are still positive Rosario was in Deltona, Florida, on the day of the murder.) [WNBC- TV (New York City), 11- 21-2014] Questionable Judgments Pastor Walter Houston of the Fourth Missionary Church in Houston repeatedly refused in November to conduct a funeral for longtime member Olivia Blair, who died recently at age 93 — because she had come upon hard times in the last 10 years and had not paid her tithe. Ms. Blair's family had supported the church for 50 years, but Pastor Houston was defiant, explaining, "Membership has its privileges." (The family finally found another church for the funeral.) [Houston Chronicle, 11-26-2014] A U.S. Appeals Court once again in September instructed government agencies that it is unconstitutional to make routine business-inspection raids without a judicial warrant. "We hope that the third time will be the charm," wrote Judge Robin Rosenbaum. In the present case, the court denounced the full-dress SWAT raid in 2010 of the Strictly Skillz barbershop in Orange County, Florida, for "barbering" without a license. (All certificates were found to be up-to-date, and in fact, the raiding agency had verified the licenses in a walk-through two days before.) [Courthouse News Service, 9-18-2014] The Continuing Crisis Disappointed: (1) Cornelius Jefferson, 33, was arrested for assaulting a woman in Laurel County, Kentucky, in October after he had moved there from Georgia to be with her following an online relationship. Jefferson explained that he was frustrated that the woman was not "like she was on the Internet." (2) In November, an unnamed groom in Medina, Saudi Arabia, leaped to his feet at the close of the wedding, shocked at his first glimpse of his new bride with her veil pulled back. Said he (according to the daily Okaz), "You are not the girl I had imagined. I am sorry, but I divorce you." [Herald-Leader (Lexington, 10-21-2014] [l (London), 11-17-2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Unexpected news excites you, Aries. Even though you're not yet sure if the news is good or bad, you have high hopes that positive information is on the way. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, you have an abundance of energy and you have to find a way to harness it for the greater good. Find a new hobby or volunteer for a local project. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Now is not a good time to make significant financial decisions, Gemini. You have to make changes when the time is right, and you will know when that day arrives. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, your mood is uplifting to those around you. Maintain this optimistic outlook in the weeks ahead, and good fortune is bound to come your way. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, don't be afraid to accept a helping hand at work. Seek help from others if no offers are immediately forthcoming. Explore all of your networking possibilities. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Keep an extra-sharp mind this week, Virgo, as there isn't anything you cannot accomplish if you put your mind to it. Try tackling those big projects that you have been avoiding. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, a problem with no obvious solution has you seeing both sides of the argument. Dwell on things for a little while longer, and the solution will eventually come to you. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you are planning some big moves and you are bound to have a number of supporters behind you. Others want you to succeed so take an opportunity and run with it. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Take extra care with projects at work, Sagittarius. A difficult problem may arise, and a careful approach to the tasks at hand can help you nip that problem in the bud. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, you will forge a new relationship this week, and it may lead to a solid friendship that lasts a number of years. Feelings are bound to get more intense. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 This is a great week for brainstorming, Aquarius. Once you have a few solid ideas, put your plans into motion. At least one should pan out quite well. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Someone is trying to steer you in one direction, Pisces. Politely decline if that direction is the opposite of what you want to do. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard