Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/33504
NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Rights of women are severely restrictedWEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY in Pakistan’s tribal areas and among Muslim fundamentalists, but the rights of the country’s estimated 50,000 “transgenders” blossomed in April when the country’s Supreme Court ordered the government to accept a “third sex” designation on official documents (instead of forcing a choice of “male” or “female”). The court further recommended that transgenders be awarded government job quotas and suggested “tax collector” as one task for which they are particularly suited, since their presence at homes and businesses still tends to embarrass debtors into paying up quickly (especially since many transgenders outfit themselves, and behave, flamboyantly). [BBC News, 4-25-2011] Government in Action! Imprisoned rapist Troy Fears, 55, had another four years tacked onto his sentence in April by a federal judge in Phoenix after he was convicted of swindling the IRS out of $119,000 by filing 117 fake tax returns from 2005 to 2009. According to prosecutors, IRS routinely dispatched direct-deposit refunds while indifferent to matching the payment recipient with the person whose Social Security number was on the return. (In fact, Fears was caught not by the IRS but by a prison guard who happened upon his paperwork.) [Portland (Maine) Press-Herald, 4-8-2011] Apparently, the federal government failed to foresee that fighting two wars simultaneously, with historically high wound-survival rates, might produce surges of disability claims. Just in the last year, according to an April USA Today report, claims are up over 50 percent, and those taking longer than two months to resolve have more than doubled. (Tragically, Marine Clay Hunt, who was a national spokesman for disability rights and who suffered from post-traumatic stress, killed himself on March 31, ultimately frustrated that the Department of Veterans Affairs had lost his paperwork. “I can track my pizza from Pizza Hut on my BlackBerry,” he once said, “but the VA can’t find my claim for four months.”) [USA Today, 4-7-2011; Washington Post, 4-15-2011] Close Enough for Government Work: A contract security guard at Detroit’s McNamara Building (which houses the FBI and other vital federal offices) was found in March to have casually laid aside, for three weeks, a suspicious package that turned out to be a real bomb. (It was, eventually, safely detonated.) [Detroit News, 3-23-2011] Great Art! Occasionally (as News of the Weird has reported), patrons of art galleries mistake ordinary objects as the actual art (for example, solemnly “contemplating” a broom inadvertently left behind by a janitor), and sometimes the opposite mistake occurs. At the Boijmans van Beuningen museum in Rotterdam in May, a wandering patron absent-mindedly traipsed through a re- creation of Wim T. Schippers’ floor-level Peanut Butter Platform (a 40-square-foot installation of creamy spread). (The museum manager had declined to fence in the exhibit, which he said would spoil its beauty.) [News Limited (Sydney), 5-11-2011] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ARIES (March 21-April 19) Physically, you’re slightly more fragile than usual at the start of the week. Pay attention to your body so you don’t push it too hard. Focus on expanding your mind and education. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You know where you want to go. However, at this juncture, you’re still not sure how you are going to get there. That can be an unsettling feeling for someone who’s usually so in control of their destiny. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) The best way to navigate through all of the commercialism around you is to use your intuition. If you’re not sure, do nothing. And if someone is pres- suring you, it’s a sure sign that you could do better somewhere else. CANCER (June 22-July 22) You’ll form an opinion — not because it’s true, though it very well may be, but because it pleases you to think of life in this way. You realize that others have come to their own conclusions in much the same fashion. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) It still feels uncomfort- able for you to say “no.” So say it 1,000 times in a row if that’s what it takes for you to make peace with this empowering word. It is possible to be simultaneously gracious and negative. By saying “no” often this week, you’ll have plenty of time for the things to which you most want to say “yes.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You will be highly infl uential, and your mood will interfere with the laws of gravity. When you feel serious, the planet seems to pull you and yours down into it with great force. And when you laugh, your feet bounce off of the ground like you’re walking on the moon, and others become buoyant right along with you. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) There are ambitious plans in the making. Knowing the “why” will make you realize that there are many ways to fulfi ll your needs, some of which will be easier and less expensive than your original plan. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)Prosperity knocks on your door. And so will a lot of other visitors who have nothing to do with your fu- ture good fortune. Luckily, it’s not too diffi cult to fi gure out which opportunities are the best. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Even though things are going well, you may still experience a degree of unrest and an ever so slight sense of dissatisfaction. Though you can’t put your fi nger on exactly why you feel this way, the low-grade frustration will be precisely what motivates you to accomplish great things. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Some people are so easy to mesmerize that it’s hardly enjoy- able to do so. That’s why you subconsciously gravitate toward the ones who are hard to please and diffi cult to entertain. You love the challenge and the rush of satisfaction that comes from winning over the cynics. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) The people around you will be needier than usual, and you’ll have many requests made of you. In most cases, it will be easy for you to help out. But all the little gestures will add up. You don’t want to later resent all the time you spend running around on other people’s behalf. Set healthy limits, and everyone will win. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Parent and child relationships are best kept between the actual parent and child. Friendships and romantic relationships that mirror this kind of tie are likely to run into trouble this week. Avoid ten- sion and discomfort by acting as equals. When you assert your independence, you will fi nd new balance. ADVICE GODDESS Sane-Sex Attraction I’m an African-American gay woman in my mid-20s. I initially had relationships with men, but I’m just not attracted to or com- pelled by them. Women make me feel alive, exhilarated, connected, and challenged, and sex is the bomb. So, I know I truly love women … but most lesbians, including my current girlfriend, are crazy. I can’t deal with their constant breakdowns because I didn’t call enough, compliment enough, rub enough, or whatever else I should be doing but am not. Things felt more emotion- ally balanced with men (probably because I didn’t really care). I feel stuck between engaging in meaningless relationships with men and living a life of passion and disap- pointment with women. What would you do if you were in my little gay pink slippers? — Fed Up I think you need to follow the Internet By Holiday Mathis traffi c. A substantial portion seems to be those forwarded lists — from both men and women — explaining why whichever sex they’re dating compares unfavorably to dogs. Clearly, we should ditch these complicated human relationships for a simpler kind of love — the one we’d share with a partner who’s beyond happy as long as we keep throwing it a dirty tennis ball and dropping pieces of food on the fl oor. The sad fact is, anyone who can’t describe him or herself as “cocker spaniel- curious” has a problem. According to women, men’s emotions run the gamut from H to H (Hungry to Horny), they think the correct place for a wet towel is “wherever it happens to fall when they’re done drying off,” and they leave the toilet seat up and still manage to miss the bowl. (“Why, why, why, when you have a pee device shaped like a pointer?”) Men fi nd women naggy, controlling, Amy Alkon for preemies The fight goes on for more than 500,000 babies born too soon each year. They need your help. What will you do to give premature babies a fighting chance? marchofdimes.com/fightforpreemies © 2009 March of Dimes Foundation Our Prematurity Campaign Sponsors This ad courtesy of and prone to verbal excess — that is, when they aren’t expressing themselves with pouting and drawer-slamming. The man’s left to parse whether the acting out is just a fun feature of her monthly Mr. Toad’s Wild Hormone Ride — or indicative of some crime on his part, like the failure to celebrate their second weekiversary (that all-important two-week anniversary of their second date). Women tend to be more emotionally demanding — probably because they evolved to look for displays of commitment from a partner. Before getting serious, you need to do the rationality and groundedness entrance exam: “What kind of circus are we entering into here? Will somebody be swinging from the chandelier because we got her the ‘wrong’ birthday card?” That said, a healthy relationship involves taking pleasure in doing the little things that please your partner — even if you fi nd them somewhat silly. If you get tired from all the rubbing and complimenting or whatever, go to lunch with a bunch of straight women and you’ll be reminded that anybody who dates anybody has it rough. People — can’t live with ‘em, can’t kill ‘em and be absolutely sure you’ll get off on a technicality. Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. JUNE 8-14, 2011 UCW 19