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On the Road Again by PITT DICKEY It was a moment of clarity. I finally understood what Bob Dylan meant in his out up there. If I take a boat ride out to see a light house in Maine and the ride song "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues," which includes the classic opening lines: lasts more than two hours there is an excellent chance I will become sea sick. "When you're lost in the rain in Juarez/And it's Eastertime, too/And your There is a residential section of Boston called Beacon Hill that is so gravity fails/And negativity don't pull you through." expensive that even rich people from Boston can't afford to live there. There We were lost in the rain in Quebec City at the mercy of a psychotic GPS. are more Dunkin' Donut shops in New England than there are people. We were trying to follow the instructions of our GPS which spoke extremely Starbucks runs a very poor second. If you see a seagull sitting in a garbage can poor French while attempting to leave Quebec. Our GPS, whose formal name enjoying supper in Hyannis, you can walk right up to him and he will not fly is She Who Must Be Obeyed, cannot pronounce French that is understandable away from his dinner. to the untrained North Carolina ear. All of the roads in Quebec have French Visiting Montpelier, Vermont, is like taking a trip back to Chapel Hill in names. You can see where this is going. The GPS' inability to speak French so the 1960s. It is a little bitty state capitol sitting by a river. It has at least four we would know when to turn, drove us into a state of old-fashioned book stores downtown, not a Barnes and confusion and excessive usage of Anglo-Saxonisms. Noble in sight. If you need a supply of Tibetan items, If you have not been to Quebec recently, our Montpelier is the town for you. The stores and a lot Canadian neighbors have been doing a lot of road of the people smell like 1968. Non-chain coffee shops construction work there. These new roads have not abound. The local paper featured an admiring article found their way into our GPS' data base. She Who Must about a female town councilwoman, a lesbian atheist, Be Obeyed was so frustrated by the new roads that she who had just introduced a city ordinance to ban assault went into what psychiatrists refer to as an episode of weapons from the city limits. She pointed out that she decompensation. Decompensation is the deterioration was proud she had hairy arm pits as evidence of her of the mental health of a person or GPS that results in commitment to the cause. a temporary worsening of mental illness symptoms with The Hotel Urbania where we stayed in Trois Rivières, a loss of ability to adapt to changes and stress creating Quebec is a very modern clean hotel that featured a difficulty in concentration and persistence. tough man contest in its auditorium the night we stayed In short, our GPS went nuts. She began sending us there. Canadian Tough Man contests attract a colorful GPS systems can sometimes be a blessing and a in large circles down various interstate highways that crowd of muscular tattooed folks. These fans have no curse. kept ending up in downtown Quebec. You cannot say need for sleep. They enjoy loud music and running that you have truly lived until you have tried to follow up and down the halls in the wee small hours of the unintelligible French instructions of a GPS while the GPS is having a psychotic morning. Around 3 a.m. I heard what I thought were gun shots in the hall. I break with reality. I have been there and back again. I will never be the same. decided to remain flat in bed instead of going out to investigate. It is still hard work having fun. Travel brings the unexpected, which lets I figured that I made a much smaller target lying in bed than if you know if you can still roll with the punches. I submit herewith some minor I stood up to politely ask them to stop factoids about New England and Canada. There are a surprising number of shooting in the hallway. PITT DICKEY, Contributing churches in New England that have been converted into art centers, historical All in all, it was a most excellent Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ society centers and deteriorating empty buildings. Religion seems on its way trip. upandcomingweekly.com. THE RAYNOR LAW FIRM A General Practice Law Firm • 2003 North Carolina County Attorney of the Year • Civil Litigation & Administrative Hearings, Collections, Traffic, Disability & Personal Injury HARVEY W. RAYNOR, III 208 Rowan Street • Fayetteville, NC 28301 (910) 587-5543 www.theraynorlawfirm.com Where we eat and speak Italian le I & tizzeriataly itrp L estaurant • Casual Atmosphere • Impressive Wine List IN THE MORNING Weekdays 5:30AM to 10:00AM WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM • Parties & Catering • Carry Home Service 910.867.8700 1400 Walter Reed Road, Suite 130 (All American Freeway & Owen Drive) HOURS: M-S 11 a.m. - 10 p.m.; Sun. 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. All Major Credit Cards Accepted AUG. 28 - SEPT 3, 2013 UCW 7