Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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JULY 27 - AUGUST 2, 2016 UCW 31 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPE ADVICE GODDESS People Who Needle People A female friend overheard me on the phone with my boyfriend and became concerned. He and I tease each other relentlessly, calling each other mean silly names, but it's all in fun. Though we have a very loving relationship, she thinks the teasing is a sign of submerged anger. Is she right? And are we doing something damaging? — Banterer Teasing like this is what social psychologist Dacher Keltner calls an "indirect, playful way to negotiate conflict." This is especially important in a relationship, where there are many conflicts and annoyances you'll never resolve. In mine, for example, in addition to my midsentence day trips to the Baltics, there's how my boyfriend seems to have attended the Jackson Pollock school of culinary arts. Or, as I put it — while cupping an ear theatrically and looking upward: "What's that? … Um…honey, the ceiling says it ordered its sauce on the side." Teasing is like bullying, Keltner explains — in that it's something you say or do that's intended to provoke another person. However, teasing includes clues that what you're saying isn't to be taken literally — and that your intent is playful, not hurtful. These playfulness signals are called "off-record markers" and include laughter, obvious exaggeration, a jokey tone, mimicry and contorted facial expressions. As for the concern that your teasing is endangering your relationship, on the contrary, Keltner and his colleagues found that "couples who playfully teased, as opposed to resorting to direct, cogent, but ultimately hackle-raising criticism, felt more connected after (a) conflict and trusted their partners more." And the reality is that only two people who truly love each other can get away with trash-talking each other in extravagantly awful ways. This is an example of what behavioral ecologists call a "costly signal" — one that, through its expense or riskiness, tells you it's more likely to be for real. Conspicuous consumption is an example — signaling that you've got money to burn by shelling out $8K for a Rolex when a $50 Swatch tells the time just fine. So, sure, there are many ways to express romantic appreciation, but it's nice to opt for something unique, like "What a wonderful love note — made all the sweeter by handwriting that looks like that of an 8-year-old locked up after multiple disappearances of neighborhood pets." Copyright Amy Alkon NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD At tor ney Lee Pearlman f ina lly ear ned an acquit t a l in June (af ter t wo hung-jur y t r ia ls) for his client Danielle Goeller — one of a seemingly increasing number of dr ivers who hit pedest r ians but claim t hey were unaware of anybody being hit . Goeller, 28, a t rauma-room nurse w it h no intox ic ant s in her s ystem, had st r uck a 60-year-old man on a bus y, heav ily lighted Tampa st reet at 11:45 p.m., crack ing her w indshield — but drove on w it hout stopping. " W hat does she t hink she hit? " asked t he prosec utor. "A deer? A bear? " Responded Pearlman, "She's a sc ared g irl in t he middle of t he night who doesn't have t he life ex per ience ot her people do." [Tampa Bay Times, 7-1-2016] Br ig ht Ideas Pic t uresque Tor relodones, Spain ( pop. 22,000), has 6,000 pet dogs and apparent ly few conscient ious dog ow ners, which tow n leaders say account s for t he nearly ha lf- ton of " lit ter " t hat acc umulates daily. T he tow n's latest br ight idea: inst a lling a 7-foot-high, 10-by- 10-foot brow n, inf lated plast ic "sw irly " in t he center of tow n as a reminder to resident s to pick up af ter t heir dogs. (Spain's The Local repor ted in June t hat ot her tow ns have beg un to t ack le t he problem as well, such as w it h DNA test ing of dogs and st reet-scr ubbing punishment for g uilt y ow ners.) [The Local ( Barcelona), 6 -3-2016] Br it ish st udent Joshua Browder, 19, created an eas y-to-use computer app to help dr ivers f ight park ing t icket s t hey believe unjust — and now repor t s t hat users have won 160,000 c ases (out of 250,000), a ll in London and New York Cit y, by follow ing his quest ion-and-answer "chat " inter face at DoNot Pay.co.uk . Browder said he was mot ivated to develop t he app (which, as of now, is st ill f ree of charge) af ter get t ing about 30 t icket s he says he did not deser ve. [Met ro News ( London), 6 -28-2016] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 It may take a little extra effort to solve a particularly puzzling problem this week, Aries. It's not an insurmountable obstacle, just one that takes patience. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, all of your efforts thus far in relation to personal challenges have been well worth the sacrifices you have made. Keep doing what you are doing. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you cannot control the actions of others all of the time, but you can change the way you react to certain situations. Take time to develop a response. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, you will have to adapt when your schedule gets turned upside down. Let others see how capable you are by modifying the situation as needed. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, an unconventional approach to a problem may see things fall into place. While others are following one path, you'll be marching to the beat of a different drummer. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, it's time to get your head out of the clouds for a little bit. Focus on the priorities in your life, which may include family and work responsibilities. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Friends may prove a distraction this week, Libra. It will take a lot of energy to focus on what you need to accomplish rather than getting sucked into other plans. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, adjusting to a changing situation at work will require some patience and trial and error. Keep your head down because you will grow comfortable before you know it. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Drama seems to find you this week, Sagittarius. But you can handle whatever comes your way. Remove yourself from gossip and keep a low profile until things seem to dissipate. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, resist the temptation to dive in when you sense a potential conflict brewing. It may be difficult to stay out of the fray, but you will ultimately be glad you did. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, you need to be more assertive at work, especially if you want to receive the acclaim you feel you deserve. Be confident in your abilities. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, it may take some time for things to develop, but plans will start to go your way. This could be a week of big change. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard