Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/401602
OCTOBER 22-28, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Knight Terrors I'm a woman in my early 30s. I was one of the employees who got laid off after my employer lost a big account. I've found a new job, but it's not on my career path and it pays terribly. Still, it's a job and it pays. I live with my boyfriend, and we've always split the expenses, but he's trying to persuade me to keep looking for something better and to let him pay the bills until I find it. He keeps saying he's "happy to do that," but I just can't stomach it. I've always supported myself and taken pride in not being the sort of woman who sponges off a man, and I'm not ready to start now. — Fiercely Independent The guy gets that you're in a relation- ship, not a tiny little welfare state. He's offering to help you not because he thinks you can't manage by yourself but because he thinks you shouldn't have to. That's what being in a re- lationship means — two coming together as one, not one going it alone while the other one waits in the parking lot. Though being "fiercely independent" is great, if spurning your boyfriend's help is any sort of a pat- tern, it's probably hurting your relation- ship. By refusing to show the vulnerability it takes to accept help, you keep the rela- tionship on a "So, what's for dinner?" level emotionally and tell your boyfriend he isn't really needed. In time, this should lead him to the obvious question: "Well then, why am I still here?" Sometimes, aggressive self-reliance is really fear in a Wonder Woman suit. Our attachment style — our way of relating to those close to us — traces back to our mother's (or other primary caregiver's) responsiveness to our needs as infants. If you could count on her to soothe you when you were distressed, you end up securely attached, meaning you have a strong psychological base and feel com- fortable relying on others. If, however, she was unavailable or rejecting, you become avoidantly attached and develop a habit of self-protective distancing. ("Can't count on anybody" becomes "Don't need nobody.") The good news is, even if Mommy was the next best thing to an ice floe, there's no need to resign yourself to the effects of that. Research finds that a loving partner can help you break out of avoidant attach- ment by continually behaving in support- ive ways that challenge your belief that you can't count on anybody. You, in turn, need to risk revealing your emotions and needs and trusting that your boyfriend will be there for you — perhaps starting with accepting his offer of a financial cush- ion. Over time, as you see that you actu- ally can rely on him, you should develop a more secure foundation — and come to understand that true strength involves being confident that you can walk tall but sometimes being okay with curling up in a fetal position tall. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Police in Japan's Kyoto Prefecture raided a shoe manufacturer in July and commandeered a list of about 1,500 purchasers of the company's signature "tosatsu shoes" — shoes with built- in cameras. Investigators have begun visiting the purchasers at home to ask that they hand in the shoes (but, out of fairness, said they would not cause trouble for customers who could produce a legitimate reason for needing to take photographs and video by pointing their shoe at something). The seller was charged with "aiding voyeurism" and fined the equivalent of about $4,500 under a nuisance-prevention law. [United Press International, 9-23-2014] The Entrepreneurial Spirit Doris Carvalho of Tampa, Florida, is raising venture capital to expand her hobby of crafting high-end handbags from groomed, recycled dog hair (two pounds' worth for each bag). With investors, she could lower her costs and the $1,000 price tag, since it now takes 50 hours' labor to make the yarn for her haute couture accessory. [BayNews9. com (St. Petersburg), 9-9-2014] Among the suggestions of the Brisbane, Australia, company Pets Eternal for honoring a deceased pet (made to a reporter in September): keeping a whisker or tooth or lock of hair, or having the remains made into jewelry or mixed with ink to make a tattoo. Overlooked was a new project by the Houston space-flight company Celestis, known for blasting human ashes into orbit (most famously those of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry). Celestis, working with a California company, will soon offer to shoot pets' remains into orbit ($995) or perhaps even to the moon ($12,000). [News.com. au (Sydney), 9-23-2014] [Associated Press via KRLD-TV (Dallas-Fort Worth), 7-30-2014] The Continuing Crisis Ontario's top court rejected Bryan Teskey's complaint in August over how Roman Catholics continue to be discriminated against by the laws of British royal succession. Even though Ontario (along with many Commonwealth countries) recently removed some aspects of bias (ending the ban on the royal family's marrying Catholics), Teskey pointed out that Canadian Catholics still do not have a fair shot at becoming king or queen (although Teskey did not claim that he, personally, had been a candidate). [Canadian Press, 8-27-2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 You're at the brink of starting something new and impressive, Aries. Start acting like the star that you are and embrace the spotlight. It won't take you long. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, be mindful of how well others treat you this week. Your friends and family will be there for you when you need them, so show how much you appreciate their support. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you're accustomed to companionship, and this week will be no different. People are impressed with the way you innovate and explore new possibilities. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, take care of yourself this week if you start to feel a bit under the weather. Nip it in the bud early so it does not impact your long-term plans. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, passion and energy find you moving in new directions this week. Enjoy this exciting time and document it through photos and notes to those sharing your journey. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, if you feel stuck in a rut, now is the ideal time to try something new. In another month or two your efforts will begin to bear fruit. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, your communication skills come in handy this week when you prove capable of making a serious difference at work. Let that success carry through at home. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, maintain a handle on reality this week. Even though you're energized by big plans and dreams, you have to keep your feet on the ground for the time being. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, you are happy this week and others will look to you as an inpsiration. Share your good mood with others and your happiness will only grow. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, all you have to do is focus this week and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Come up with a challenge that has bested you in the past. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 You may not even realize you need a break and a helping hand until someone steps up and provides just that, Aquarius. Accept any and all help graciously. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, your energy levels are off the charts this week. Use this abundance of energy to tackle a difficult project. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard 9/25/14 Enjoy Healthy Living Health is sustained with a balance of Sleep, Actvity, Nutriton and Tobacco Free Living. Tobacco Use Cessaton Informaton Military Benefciaries and DoD Civilians contact your WAMC primary care clinic or call Army Public Health Nursing at 910-907-9355 (WELL) opton 4 Live Tobacco Free Enjoy Healthy Living Health is sustained with a balance of Sleep, Activity, Nutrition and Tobacco Free Living. Be Tobacco Free Tobacco Use Cessation Information Military Beneficiaries and DoD Civilians contact your WAMC primary care clinic or call Army Public Health Nursing at 910-907-9355 (Well) option 4 Our Target... YOUR BUSINESS! Call for advertising information 484-6200 Visit UPANDCOMING WEEKLY.COM