Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/319008
MAY 28 - JUNE 3, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Que Syrah Syrah I've been dating a fun, very attractive woman for about a month, and things have been going great. However, on our last date, we were out at dinner, and the female server accidentally spilled an entire glass of red wine on her dress. Though the server seemed mortified and apologized profusely, my date absolutely lost it — going into a rage and yelling at the poor server, telling her she needs to learn how to do her job, etc. Except for this incident, this woman has been sweet to me and generally acts like a nice person. Should I give her some leeway on this? — Concerned As I note in my new book, Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck (June 3, St. Martin's Press), when you've just started dating someone, the butter-paws waiter who gives them a red wine bath is probably doing you a favor. Significant character flaws (like rage issues) are unlikely to be revealed in the early stages of dating, when the biggest source of stress you see your date experiencing is the kitchen's forgetting to leave off the parsley garnish on their medallions of duck. If, when you're dating someone new, you never get seated in the clumsy waiter's section, go camping together, collaborate on a project or engage in other stress-producing activities that strain a person's patience and party manners, bad personality traits, if any, are likely to scurry around like cockroaches after somebody turns the lights on. As for this woman, it doesn't look good. Her behavior suggests not only a lack of compassion but poor "self-regulation," psychologists' term for the ability to control one's emotional reactions. You also don't mention her expressing embarrassment or apologizing afterward as people acting out in uncharacteristic ways tend to do. If you decide to stick around, be wary of succumbing to "optimism bias" — our tendency to project a rosy future for ourselves: silver linings all around; hold the clouds. This leads to selective eyesight, like focusing on how hot a woman is rather than how hot-headed. This may work for you for a while — perhaps until she's melting your ear in the drugstore aisle: " WHERE ARE THE TAMPONS I TOLD YOU TO GET, YOU BIG MORON?" Of course, at that point, there's only one thing to say to her: "Sorry, ma'am. I think you've mistaken me for somebody else." WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Interaction with an elder is something to cherish this week, Aries. Listen closely to the good advice you are offered, as it will pay dividends down the road. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, a new coworker may come to you with questions. This is your opportunity to serve as a mentor and use your experience to help the next generation. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you are intent on purchasing an expensive item sometime this week, but make sure it can be returned. Hold on to the receipt and carefully survey your finances. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 It is time to get out of a rut, Cancer. Explore a new fashion choice or dine on a different type of ethnic food. The idea is to step out of your comfort zone. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, thoughts of returning to school may have floated around in your mind in the past. This week you are energized to investiage your educational options. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Your creativity is on display this week, Virgo. You have ideas, and you need to put your thoughts in motion, whether through an art project or entrepreneurial venture. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Your ability to compromise is a big asset in the workplace, Libra. This alone can propel your career to new heights. You'll take a few steps in the right direction this week. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Your ability to stay informed helps you to feel in touch with your surroundings, Scorpio. You will enjoy socializing with friends this week and may host a gathering. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Do your best to turn a negative into a positive, Sagittarius. It may require a little creative thinking to pull this off, but you are up to the task. Start by smiling more often. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Family matters will fare better this week than business matters, Capricorn. Focus more of your energy on your home life than happenings at the office that are beyond your control. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, pay attention to all of the little details this week. If you can keep your eyes open, you may find new opportunities coming your way in the next few days. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, don't let your emotions get the best of you when making an important decision this week. Let logic reign. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Larry Ellison, the CEO of Oracle Corp. (and the world's fifth-richest person, according to Forbes magazine) is a big basketball fan and was reported in April to have an interest in purchasing the Los Angeles Clippers NBA team. An Ellison associate told the Wall Street Journal, for example, that Ellison has basketball courts on at least two of his yachts and shoots hoops for relaxation on the open water. To retrieve his errant shots that go overboard, Ellison hires a ballboy in a powerboat to trail the yachts. [Wall Street Journal, 4-30-2014] Latest Religious Messages Speaking on a popular Christian Internet podcast in March (reported by Houston's KHOU- TV), Pastor John Benefiel of Oklahoma City's Church on the Rock described how, in a 2007 blessing, he might have prayed "too hard." He was attempting to help drought-stricken Texas and Oklahoma by using a specific prayer message (the "Baal divorce decree"), but that inadvertently resulted, he said, in "every lake" in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri rising above flood stage, causing thousands of people to lose their homes and 22 to lose their lives. [KHOU-TV, 3-26-2014] In his March 23 sermon (according to Huffington Post), Phoenix, Arizona, pastor Steven Anderson of the Faithful World Baptist Church explained in detail why women in the congregation must refrain from speaking during services. Citing 1 Timothy 2:11 and 1 Corinthians 14, Anderson said the woman should learn only "in silence." "Now obviously, before the service begins," he conceded, "there's chatting and talking going on that's perfectly legitimate. (And when) we all sing praises to God, of course the ladies should also lift up their voices. But when it's learning time, it's silence time (for females)." (Also, he said, since the comment "Amen" means "That's true," it would be inappropriate for females to utter it.) [Huffington Post, 3-26-2014] At one Hindu temple in India's Kerala state, the religious gift of choice — both for offerings to the deity Lord Muruga and for distribution from the deity to devotees — is the chocolate candy bar, which visitors bring in cartons, according to a March report by the Press Trust of India. (Muruga is the son of the lord Shiva and was originally worshiped as a child, leading to speculation that he would respond to chocolates.) [Press Trust of India via NDTV, 3-11-2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard