Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/315195
MAY 21-27, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS The Scorn Identity There's this girl in my social circle I'd wanted to ask out for a while. Two months ago, I finally got up the nerve, but she politely declined, saying she wasn't "ready to date yet" after her last relationship. Since then, she's started dating some other guy, and their pictures are all over Facebook. I unfollowed her from my News Feed, but I still see her with this guy in friends' photos. Would it be completely petty to unfriend her? I feel like that would make me look even more jilted and bitter. And I still have to see her at parties and stuff. — Grim Facebook is complicated. Sure, there are privacy settings and other controls, but these tend to be more porous than the U.S.- Mexican border. In fact, there's only one surefire way to avoid seeing somebody in your News Feed, and that's covering your computer screen with duct tape. Unfortunately, this won't help you at parties or the supermarket, since you can only unfriend somebody; you can't unexist them. Well, not without the possibility of life in prison. But take a step back. You're feeling "jilted and bitter?" A woman you asked out left you in limbo; she didn't make a run for it while you were standing together at the altar. She also didn't wrong you by saying she wasn't "ready to date yet." Maybe that was the truth at the time; maybe she won't be ready to date you ever. A person you ask out doesn't owe you complete honesty . Chances are, you wouldn't be so Mr. Resentypants if you hadn't pined after this girl for eons and "finally" asked her out. Turning her into a months- long project for your ego made getting a "yes" from her way too important. You probably did this because you're rejection-avoidant. This isn't to say the rest of us are all, "Yay, rejection. More, please." But that sort of attitude — constantly flipping the bird at your fears and taking social risks — is how you get okay enough with rejection to live your life like you'll be dead soon instead of like you're dead now. Getting comfortable in Rejectionville is easier if your self-worth comes from the inside. This is something you may need to work toward. But even if you can't immediately stop seeing every rejection as confirmation of your loserhood, you can at least stop acting as if you do. Just reinterpret each rejection as a sign to go after the next woman. (Acknowledge disappointment, lick wounds, move on.) Before long, you should be bouncing back surprisingly fast. You should also find yourself reserving your scorn for the truly deserving, like if you ask a woman whether she'd like to have a drink sometime and her response is, "Sure I would. Here's my address. Leave a bottle of chilled white wine on my doorstep, ring the bell and run." WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19). When only half of the marching band is playing the right notes, it still sounds more or less like music. There's a lot wrong with the large organization in today's dealings, but the overall effect should still work. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Media can be misleading. You're too savvy to let some Hollywood representation of events hype your expectations or play into your fears about what will happen. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Too often you carry more than necessary. Carry only what you'll need today. Better yet, carry only what you'll need this hour. By refusing to lug around future worries, you'll stay light and effective. CANCER (June 22-July 22). A good outcome depends on not only knowing what you're trying to do before you do it, but also knowing why. If your "why" is solid, everything else will fall into place. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There's someone you still need to forgive if you are to live and love freely. You don't have to make a formal thing out of it. An internal acknowledgment may be enough to get unstuck. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Don't let insecurity get the better of you and make you believe that it will take some grand gesture to impress. The small things you do to show you care are the ones that will make the deepest impression. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Make a list of five things you could do to move forward, and execute it. Even if they are the wrong five things, you still will progress and learn enough to choose a more effective list tomorrow. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). While it's true that most people are attracted to looks, money and power, the thing that makes you most attractive is what you contribute other than your looks, money and power. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Wary of new people, you'll meet someone who causes you to drop your guard. You'll be sold on the small things you have in common — a song you both like, a story that connects or a similar circumstance. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The thing that will make you better in business will also make you better as a person.That said, it will be work — and not the kind you enjoy, either. Worthwhile work, but work. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You admire those gifted conversationalists who can actually keep up with you, though they may be few and far between now. There will be a benefit to trying to include and engage those outside your circle. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You'll do more with less. The frugal choice will be the wise one, but you'll have to be decisive and act quickly. One positive change will continue to make sense for years to come. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD "Whoever said, 'Money can't buy you friends' clearly hasn't been on the Internet recently," wrote The New York Times in April, pointing to various social media support services that create online superstars by augmenting one's Facebook "friends," Twitter "followers" and Instagram "likes." The reporter described how, by paying a company $5, for example, he immediately acquired 4,000 "friends," and had he splurged for $3,700, could have had a million on his Instagram photo account. Such services have been around for two years, but earlier, cruder versions (sometimes, just unmonitored email addresses) are now sophisticated "bots" — groups of computer code created on algorithm farms in India and elsewhere — that "behave" on social media with original messaging (often "drivel," wrote the Times) as if they were real people. [New York Times, 4-21- 2014] The Entrepreneurial Spirit We All Scream: (1) In April, Haagen- Dazs announced it will introduce two new ice creams (thankfully, only in Japan): carrot orange (with bits of pulp and peel) and tomato cherry (made from tomato paste). (2) A South Wales ice cream maker ("Lick Me I'm Delicious") announced in April that it has perfected an ice cream containing about 25mg of Viagra per scoop (though it is not yet generally available). [Los Angeles Times, 4-21-2014] [Daily Mail (London), 4-11-2014] Science Fair Medical Marvels: (1) China's Chengdu Commercial Daily reported in March that Liu Yougang, 23, finally had surgery to remove that whistle he had swallowed when he was 9. He had been experiencing worsened breathing — and had been making "shrill whistle sounds" nightly after falling asleep. (2) London's Daily Star featured Sarah Beal, 43, of Arley, Warwickshire, England, in a March story demonstrating her skin condition in which writing words on her skin makes it puff up for about an hour before it recedes. It is referred to by doctors as the "Etch A Sketch condition" (formally, dermatographia), and despite occasional pain, she described it as "cool" and a "party trick." [Chengdu Commercial Daily via Global Times (Beijing), 3-6-2014] [Daily Star, 3-6- 2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard