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Saturday, April 2, 2011 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Slacker son sabotaging sanity Nonagenarian dancing to 100 Dear Annie: I am ready for the loony farm. Both of my adult sons are back at home, one with his child. My hus- band retired last year. I am still working. One son, ‘‘Matt,’’ con- tributes toward rent and house- hold chores, but the other, ‘‘Joe,’’ sits like a bump on a log and does nothing. I’m sure that Joe has Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, but he won’t do anything about it. I don’t want to throw him out, but he leaves us no choice. He always claims we love his brother more, but it’s not true. Matt is simply more responsible, while Joe sits around looking for hand- outs. I am a firm believer in tough love, but Joe always finds a way to make us feel guilty. Please help. I need my sanity. — Drowning in Denver Dear Denver: Kids are great at playing on their parents’ guilt. Stiffen your backbone, and tell Joe he will not be permitted to become a freeloader sim- ply because you love him. If he wants to remain in the house, he must con- tribute either rent money or household help, no excuses, and if that is too much to ask, he is wel- come to find another place to live. We also rec- ommend you contact CHADD (chadd.org) for information and sugges- tions about adult ADD. Dear Annie: I have been married for 36 years. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar ‘‘Alvin’’ and I have not had a good marriage in a long while and have separated several times. In the past few years, Alvin has been unfaith- ful. After a recent affair, I shamed Alvin into reluc- tantly returning home. I now real- ize that no amount of time will fix the lack of trust. I truly cannot for- give him for his years of infidelity. I no longer love him. We have nothing in common except our grown children. I do not enjoy or want to be inti- mate with him. I am tired of pretend- ing things are OK. I am miserable, and I know he is not happy, either. I do not enjoy being around his family. The last time we separated, I dated other men and found it refreshing. I now wish Alvin would leave, but I doubt he will, because I made him feel so guilty. At the time, I thought I needed him, but forcing him to come back made it worse. I’d like to warn your readers to be careful what they wish for. I feel stuck, but hope I can find the words to end this relation- ship for both of our sakes so we can each move for- ward. — Mrs. Miserable in California Dear Mrs. Miserable: Here are the words: ‘‘Alvin, this isn’t working out. We are both unhappy and deserve better. Please come with me for coun- seling so we can figure out the best way to handle NEWPORT BEACH (AP) — A Cali- fornia man is charged with demanding a rubdown and $200 while pretending to be a massage parlor inspector. Edward Justin LaPorte with felony burglary and misdemeanor counts of impersonating a peace officer and firearm violations. The 47-year-old faces arraignment Friday in Newport Beach. our relationship and whether it’s worth staying together.’’ Good luck to both of you. Dear Annie: This is in response to ‘‘Emotionally Drained,’’ whose husband is bipolar and abusive. She will not be able to help her husband, and it will only get worse as the years go by. An untreated mental illness can drag down those closest to it. My husband burned all his bridges with family and friends, and I felt respon- sible for his well-being. I think children would have better memories of their father from a distance and grow up more stable with one sane parent, rather than with a mother who is emotionally drained and a father who is mentally ill and abusive. — Stress Free at Last Dear Readers: We are carrying on Ann Landers’ tradition that April 2 be set aside as Reconciliation Day, a time to make the first move toward mend- ing broken relationships. It also would be the day on which we agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend or estranged family member and do our best to start over. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Fake massage parlor inspector demands rubdown Investigators say LaPorte is a former Orange County prosecutors charged police officer from Illinois. They say he was wearing a badge when he entered the Gold- en Spa massage parlor in Lake Forest on Jan. 31 and told the manager he was inves- tigating a complaint. Prosecutors say he then complained of back pain, and a masseuse gave him a back rub before LaPorte asked for a frontal mas- sage, which was refused. COMFORT SERVICE INC. Air Conditioning & Heating Tehama Counties Factory authorized Bryant Dealer Your First Call For Comfort • RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL • NEW CONSTRUCTION • SALES • SERVICE • REPAIRS 24 HOUR SERVICE 530 529-1990 Lic #593323 www.CascadeComfort.com $10 OFF SERVICE CALL Mention this ad for Whatever it takessm CASCADE 1921 ~ 2011 TICKET OFFICE NOW OPEN FOR BEST SELECTION CALL NOW!!! 15, 16, 17, 2011 Auxiliary A member of CHW St. Elizabeth Community Hospital See’s Candies Easter Specialties St. Elizabeth Hospital Gift Shop In the hall across from Café Raymond April 13 & April 20 While supplies last 530.529.8002 2550 Sister Mary Columba Dr., Red Bluff, CA 96080 Visit us at: www.redbluffroundup.com Visit us on facebook (530) 527-1000 1-800-545-3500 FRIDAY FAMILY 4 PACK $25 Bring in this ad & receive 1 pair of Red Bluff Round-Up Gloves with ticket pruchase. APRIL DEAR DR. GOTT: I will be 93 this month and have been blessed with good health all my life. My recent medical checkup was good, and everything was normal. Howev- er, during the past year, I have noticed my walking has become somewhat laborious and stressful. Even a small incline on the street makes walking more difficult. I have a little dog, and she needs to be walked. Dr. Peter Gott My physician ordered an ultra- sound of both legs, and the result was nor- mal. He also prescribed pentoxifylline to increase the circulation in my legs. I go to an exercise class three times a week and even dance a couple of times a week. My right leg is slightly swollen and feels very firm in comparison to the left leg. Holding you in high esteem as a doctor of medicine, I wonder if you could recom- mend anything to improve my walking to normalcy. DEAR READER: We could all take a lesson from your lifestyle! It’s extremely important to remain as active as possible, and you are certainly a testimony to that. Circulation can become impaired as we age, which is why your physician prescribed pentoxifylline, the generic form of a drug that improves blood flow and helps reduce symptoms of vascular disease such as you may be experiencing. Of extreme impor- tance is that your personal physician be informed of any and all prescription med- ication as well as over-the-counters you may also take that might have been prescribed by another physician or specialist, because there are 33 (138 brand and generic) med- ications (such as aspirin and atenolol) known to interact with some brand-name drugs in this class. I might question whether you eat foods that contain a lot of sodium (salt) or add it to your food, which might cause leg edema (swelling). We often fail to read labels to determine how much sodium is included, or we arbitrarily add salt to foods prior to tasting them to determine whether it is even a neces- sary additive. If appropriate, stay away from chips, salted nuts and other snack items that might have a high salt content. When you sit (between dancing and exercise), do you ele- vate your legs? These two simple measures alone might decrease the swelling and allow for easier walking. Beyond that, you might ask your physician his views on a mild diuret- ic that will remove excess fluids from your system and be sure that he checks your blood pressure on your next visit. I am not making light of your situation by any means but I feel you are ahead of the game to be in the condition you are at the tender age of 93. Try my suggestions, speak with your physician and, above all else, keep up your lifestyle as long as you can. You’re incredible. Readers who would like related information on medication (not longevity) can order my Health Report “Consumer Tips on Medicine” by sending a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order made payable to Newsletter and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website’s direct link at AskDrGottMD.com/order_form.pdf. DEAR DR. GOTT: My left big toe is black 90 percent of the time. I assume this is a circulation problem. My GP said it was no big deal. (He didn’t look at it.) I wonder what your opinion is. I’m a 54-year-old male and very active. Thanks. DEAR READER: Two hints from the minimal information you gave me — specif- ically that 10 percent of the time your toe is not black and that you are very active — lead me toward possible stress placed on your feet, primarily the big toe. In essence, you could have impact trauma from pushing your toe to the front of your shoe(s) when walk- ing, running, or engaging in sports activities such as baseball, soccer and football. I must rule out a melanoma under the toenail or a fungal infection, because both conditions would be present 100 percent of the time. Another consideration might be periph- eral vascular disease or another circulatory disorder, but you are young. Do you have a history of smoking? Is there pain involved? Are you a diabetic or have a family history of another disorder? Are you on any med- ication or herbal supplements? Is it related to cold temperatures? Not knowing the specific cause of your black toe and because your doctor said it was no big deal without even looking at it, I urge you to be seen by a vascular surgeon for a proper diagnosis. The history you pro- vide, coupled with examination of the toe, should allow him or her to direct you toward the most appropriate next step. I urge you to stop smoking, if you even do so, wear good support footwear depending on your level of activity, and get advice for what could be a health issue.