Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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6 UCW OCTOBER 24-30, 2018 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM A lesson from the vampire bats by PITT DICKEY OPINION PITT DICKEY, Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcom- ingweekly.com. 910-484-6200. Let us now praise famous vampire bats. Today's hemorrhagic stain on world literature is going to swoop down into a mysterious and misunderstood world. Vampire bats have their very own alias, Desmodus rotundus, which sounds a lot like some fat guy named Desmond picked out their genus names. If you are a sensitive soul or have a sensitive stomach, please skip the rest of this column and go to the crossword puzzle. Vampire bats have gotten a bad rap. We shall try to erase some bat stigma. Bats are forever associated with Dracula and things that go bump in the night. e literary Dracula was dreamed up by novelist Bram Stoker. Dracula was based upon the real-life Vlad Tepes. Vlad was a bad dude who lived in the 15th century in Transylvania. His nickname was "Vlad the Impaler," which indicates he was not a guy to be trifled with. Vlad's hobby was sticking his enemies up on sharp poles to scare away invaders. is tactic is even more frightening than forc- ing your enemies to watch 24 hours of Fox News. When Dracula wants to get into a castle bedchamber of a voluptuous sleeping lady, he transmogrifies himself into a bat. Taking a hint from an old Beatles song, Dracula in his vampire bat form comes in through the bath- room window protected by a silver spoon. Once inside m'lady's bedchamber, Dracula reverts from his bat shape back into Count Dracula. e Count then begins to drain his next victim. Count Dracula is not nearly as sweet as Count Chocula. Count Dracula is much more likely to cause anemia than the diabetes that Count Chocula causes. It's a question of choosing your poison. But back to our friends the vampire bats. e actual facts in this column are based on an excel- lent article written by Michael Greshko in "National Geographic's" November 2015 issue. e alternative facts in this column are made up by me. e diet of vampire bats is blood. ey don't care about the blood type, just that it is blood from people or animals. All they eat is blood. All you need is love. Being busy critters, they need to consume blood at least every two days, or they can starve to death. Each night, vampire bats go out on a hunting trip to find someone to love and drain. Among their bat superpowers is the ability to sense body heat, which leads them to supper. ey are so adept at stealth- ily removing blood that a person may not wake up while serving as Soylent Green for a bat picnic. After their meal, the National Geo says bats will then urinate half of the ingested blood volume in 30 min- utes. Don't look up. Vampire bats, like Trump voters, live in groups. Bats are more politically evolved than humans in that female bats appear to rule the bat covens. Bats share. If one of the bats comes back empty after finding no one to snack upon, the other female bats will share their bloody dinner with the hungry bat. Lacking an Easy Bake oven, the blood stuffed-bat can't prepare a soufflé for the hungry bat. Instead, the full female bat will regurgitate blood into the mouth of the hungry bat. In effect, a bat full of donor blood becomes a flying blood bank that the Red Cross would envy. Bats are social animals. ey know who their friends are who has shared blood with them in the past. ey also know who refused to share blood with them when they were hungry. A fellow named Gerald Carter who worked for the Smithsonian Institution took it upon himself to go hang with the bats in zoos to study bat etiquette regarding bat "vomit snacks." According to the National Geo, Gerald spent three years "crouching in the bottom of their enclosure with a camcorder" observing bat feeding habits. One wonders if, when Gerald was a little boy, did he always dream of crouching in a bat habitat for three years watching bats throw up? What childhood trauma could have led Ger- ald to such an odd career choice? But then, one could ask the same question of a proctologist or a member of the North Carolina General Assembly. Gerald reports that if a non-sharing bat returned with an empty stomach, the other bats would not share their vomit snacks with the non-sharer. If a previously sharing bat came home empty, the other bats would provide vomit snacks of blood to the sharing bat. Bat karma is a killer. So, what have we learned today? Vampire bats are nicer than some people. What seems a disgusting vomit snack to some people is ambrosia to bats. We would all be better off if we followed the advice of the late, great Rodney King, who once plaintively asked: "Can't we all just get along?" Bon Appetit. When Dracula wants to get into a castle bedchamber of a voluptuous sleeping lady, he transmogrifies himself into a bat. one year special $ 15 for UP & CoMING WEEKLY rEadErs oNLY you save 89% off Tv GuIDe MaGaZINe Get A GreAt DeAL from tV GuiDe mAGAzine start Your subscription online, By Mail or Call online: tvguidemagazine.com/newsoffer mail: complete order form below call: 1-800-365-1940 WHeN CaLLING use PRoMo: K6fNsWPZZ Every issue delivers inside scoop on your favorite shows Breaking news keeps you in the know Highlights help guide you to what's worth watching Your favorite stars take you behind the scenes 28 Pages of easy-to-use primetime listings GrEaT rEasoNs To sTarT YoUr sUBsCrIPTIoN