Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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I Don't Buy It for a Second Red Dawn (Rated PG-13) by HEATHER GRIFFITHS So this one time I was in Detroit, Michigan for a reason that shall go unexplained here. While in the business district, which is scarily clean, my companions and I wandered onto a movie set. We looked around, took pictures, got yelled at for taking pictures and figured out that we were strolling through the set of Red Dawn (93 minutes). I did not think a remake was a good idea at the time, but I was still dying to see it in theaters so I can identify the scene I saw being filmed. That was several years ago, and the film was shelved almost immediately due to "financial troubles" at MGM. Years passed with no release. Sometimes quality flicks end up without distribution, or go directly to video or quietly premier on cable through no fault of their own. Sometimes, like this time, the movie is so bad it would have been better off staying on the shelf. I am a huge fan of the John Milius original, and this remake should kneel down and beg forgiveness for daring to share the same title. The original had a grittiness that served it well — sudden unexpected violence, hilarious mistranslations, moral ambiguity, kids making stupid mistakes, humanized villains and some dude screaming at his sons to "AVENGE MY DEATH!" This version has cartoon villains, improbable insurrectionists, huge logic bombs, unrealistically deadly teenagers and emotionally void leads. I am pretty sure the only reason it got resurrected was to capitalize on Chris Hemsworth's rising star. So, Jed Eckhert (Hemsworth) is a U.S. Marine on leave from the military. His brother Matt (Josh Peck) is a football player. When the lights go out and North Korea invades, their Dad (Brett Cullen) sends them out to a cabin in the woods because they will be much safer a few yards outside of the city. A whole bunch of teenagers go with them, including Daryl (Connor Cruise), Toni Walsh (Adrienne Palicki) and Robert Kitner (Josh Hutcherson). They apparently take a ton of make-up, suntan lotion, and soap with them so they can stay nice and pretty during the invasion. It takes a couple of days, but Jed manages to turn his group of ragtag misfits into a team of crack-shot insurgents with a network of allies, well trained in attack and evasion with a seemingly endless supply of guns and bullets, which I don't believe for a second. Stupid plot. So a few days/weeks/months/years later (the timeline is totally jacked up) the North Koreans, led by Captain Cho (Will Yun Lee), figure out that some of the locals are partisan-ing them under the name of Wolverines and drive straight to the cabin where our heroes are hiding. They shoot some people, burn the place down, and having taught the bad children their lesson completely fail to set a trap to catch the rebels. The team, encouraged by the fact that Captain Cho is more than a little bit dumb, decides to start shooting up the occupied territory for real. They move into an abandoned mine, because if there's one thing that occupying forces faced with revolution definitely do not do, it's check the local topography for hiding places. Eye roll. Since Captain Cho is a poorly written character he doesn't bother tracking down the mutineers, he just firebombs most of the forest. The Lorax is going to be pissed. The group goes on the move, and runs right into a group of Marines led by Tanner (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) representing the American Free Army. Why they're not just called the Army I have no idea. Overall, there is nothing here that improves on the original. The young stars do show some moments of genuine skill (the scene at the end between Jed and Matt is nicely done) but those are few and far between. Now showing at Wynnsong HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing 7, Carmike 12 and Carmike Writer. 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Main Street • Spring Lake, NC • 910-436-1894 201 Hay St., Ste. 101C • Fayetteville, NC • 910-484-2379 Call BMFCU for more information at 1-800-257-0276 or go to www.BraggMutualFCU.com WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM DECEMBER 19-25, 2012 UCW 25