Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/93719
4B Daily News – Thursday, November 15, 2012 FEATURES Woman blames self for her ex's suicide Dear Annie: Last May, my children's father com- mitted suicide. He and I had split up two years before because of his violent ways. Despite my marrying anoth- er man, I still cared for my ex and worried about his welfare. I would even sneak him food and pay his elec- tric bill behind my hus- band's back. My husband occasionally would forbid my kids and me from hav- ing contact with my ex. He had a point. My ex and I had attempted to reconcile in April, but I couldn't do it. During the drive back to my hus- band, my ex phoned and begged me to return. I told him I was afraid of him. He yelled, ''Nobody will ever have to worry about me anymore.'' Twenty minutes later, I received a call from his brother, who found him dead. I blame myself. His family does, too. I didn't even go to his funeral, because some of his family mem- bers had threatened to kill me if I showed up. I feel terrible for my kids and don't know how to cope. What should I do? Will my kids be OK? — Distraught Ex Dear Distraught: We are so sorry that you are experiencing this tragedy, but please know that you are not responsible for your ex's decision to end his life. He sounds like a troubled soul who didn't believe he had any other way out. Please contact Survivors of Suicide Young bird hunters will test their skills in special pheasant hunts planned for Saturday and Sunday, Nov. 17 and 18, at the Paynes Creek Wetlands in the Sacramento River Bend Area north of Red Bluff. Permits are still available for four pheasant hunts open to hunters 15 years old and younger. a valid 2012-2013 Califor- nia hunting license when they apply to hunt. Manda- tory check-in and safety ori- entations begin at 7 a.m. and noon Saturday and Sunday. Each of the hunts allows for up to 25 hunters. Information on available space and registration is available from Tony Welch, (530) 597-2201. All applicants must have The California Depart- ment of Fish and Game, Shasta County Sportsman's Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar (survivorsofsuicide.com) and the American Founda- tion for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) to find a support group for you and your chil- dren. They will be OK, but they could use some help, and they will need you to guide them. people. My observation and experi- ence is that most men, especially over 40, have a difficult time mak- ing new friends. The married ones tend to rely on their wives. Others rely on family or long-term friend- ships. But men like me who don't have wives, whose parents have died, who have no siblings or chil- dren, and whose old friends have moved away find it awkward and difficult to reach out. year-old professional man in nonprofit work. I am outgo- ing and reasonably intelli- gent, have a great sense of humor and generally like Dear Annie: I am a 56- people. Look for community theater or choral groups. Volunteer at hos- pitals, schools, animal shelters, soup kitchens or for a political can- didate. Park districts and local col- leges may offer night classes for those who want to improve their education. See whether your health club has a regular spin class or an adult basketball team. If you can afford to travel, sign up for a group tour. We also recommend meetup.com, which facilitates find- ing people with similar interests of any kind. If our readers have more to add, we're happy to print addi- tional suggestions. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ''Frustrated in the Midwest,'' who is conflicted about his fiancee's four kids and their lack of responsi- bility around the house. I'd tell him not to consider marrying that woman until her children are grown. I married a man who had custody My trainer is 45, outgoing, hap- pily married with two great chil- dren, has both sets of parents still alive, is active in church, etc., and even he says he doesn't know how to make new friends. I realize there is no one-answer-fits-all, but I'd sure like to know what you and your readers suggest for those of us who are trying to get out of the house, but don't know where to go. — Not Anti-Social or Addicted to the Internet Dear Not: Find an activity that you enjoy and that involves other of two spoiled brats. He and I got along wonderfully, but with his two teenage kids in the mix, it was pure torture. The best day of my life was when the oldest left and the youngest moved to her mother's. — Midwest Evil Stepmom Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Junior pheasant hunts set for Paynes Creek Hip resurfacing not always an option TOR K: You recently discussed hip replacement in your column. Shouldn't the option of hip resurfacing have been part of the discussion? DEAR DOC- DEAR READ- ER: In the column you're referring to, a reader in his 50s asked how to time his hip replacement. I advised him to find a balance: "Operate too soon, and you'll increase your chance of revision surgery; wait too long, and you'll subject your- self to additional months and years of pain." What I told him was correct. I didn't mention an addi- tional option, hip resurfac- ing, because in my opin- ion, its long-term success is untested. socket joint. The ball — the top of the femur — fits into the socket, the cup- shaped area in the pelvis called the acetabulum. In a total hip replacement, the surgeon removes the dam- aged surface of the socket, and also removes the femoral head and the neck of the femur. Then the sur- geon replaces the surface of the socket and the top of the femur bone with artifi- cial components. In a hip resurfacing, the The hip is a ball-and- Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. Club and the Bureau of Land Management are co- sponsoring this event to encourage the participation of apprentice hunters and to provide additional public hunting opportunities for upland game birds on public land. will provide lunch. Paynes Creek Wetlands are 25 miles south of Redding. To get there, take the Jelly's Ferry exit off I-5 to Bend The sportsmen's club The BLM-managed Local Businesses! Attention Christmas Album and Wish List Magazine size supplement to the Tehama Country DAILYNEWS RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY Saturday November 24 Weekend Edition Deadline for your space reservations and content materials Friday, November 16 Thank your loyal customers and welcome new ones! Remind local consumers of the breadth and diversity of local businesses and your offerings Modular Ad size: B/W Avail Full Color Eighth Page $70 Quarter Page $125 Half Page Full Page Back Page $600 Included $225 $400 +$14 +$25 +$45 +$80 RED BLUFF PLUS! Buy an ad, get an equal amount Or write a Holiday Greeting to your customers! Greeting-only space available at $70 or $125 of content space FREE! Double up your ad size, feature a photo of your staff, your business, DAILYNEWS 530 527-2151 TEHAMACOUNTY Gayla Eckels: geckels@redbluffdailynews.com Doris Hoagland: dhoagland@redbluffdailynews.com Suzy Noble: snoble@redbluffdailynews.com All that it takes for the out-of-town Big Box Stores to win is for local businesses to fail to pull together! Ferry Road and follow the signs. The junior hunt area will be posted, and organizers ask those not associated with the event to stay out of the hunt area while the junior hunts are underway. surgeon replaces the sock- et, as in a hip replacement. However, the surgeon keeps the femur in place, reshapes the ball on top of the femur and places an artificial cap (a new "sur- face") on top of the ball. So both the ball and the socket have a new surface, but less surgery is done. Less bone is removed, and less soft tissue around the bone is injured. (I've put an illustration on my web- site, AskDoctorK.com.) That's the attraction of hip resurfacing: It's sim- pler and faster. Also, the recovery time is the same: three days in the hospital, followed by four to six weeks of physical therapy. Moreover, a recent study now the problems start. First of all, not everyone who needs hip surgery can have hip resurfacing. "The anatomy of the hip allows you to do a total hip replacement on anyone who needs it," says my Harvard Medical School colleague Dr. Donald Reilly. "But not everyone has the right anatomy for hip resurfacing." That includes small women with poor bone quality and people with certain femoral head anatomies that make femur fractures more likely. And here's the bigger problem: Traditional total hip replacement surgery has been practiced for nearly 50 years; we know a lot about the long-term results. The artificial parts of the new hip tend to last between 15 and 20 years. Hip resurfacing surgery is new enough that we really don't know how long it will last. Finally, there's an increased risk of a partic- ular fracture in hip resur- facing patients. And it requires a second opera- tion — a hip replace- ment. So far, so good. But So, if a patient of mine is quite young and needs hip surgery, I might rec- ommend hip resurfacing. If it wears out in 10 years, he or she then can have traditional hip replace- ment surgery. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Free home visit service expanding published in the British Medical Journal finds that the results in the few years just after surgery are similar in tradi- tional total hip replacement and hip resurfacing. In addition, insur- ance pays for both procedures. tionally, a free service to assist them is growing. The Home Visit Program is an initiative by senior care professionals at Lassen House that's designed to check on the wellbeing of older people throughout the region. The program is being expanded at this time because the approaching holidays bring a greater risk of depression among seniors. To further encourage families to take advantage of the At the time of year that seniors are most vulnerable emo- Home Visit Program, the public is now invited to call Lassen House directly at (530) 529-2900 to request a visit to a local senior. This is a significant step for the initiative, which has primarily operated through referrals from agen- cies and emergency services providers since being launched in 2009. "Just in the past year, we have conducted 100-plus home visits, so we know the need is great," said Sue Becker, exec- utive director of Lassen House. "In encouraging the public to contact us, we seek to make the program more easily accessible to a greater number of people." Through the program, family members can arrange for a Lassen House expert to go to the home of an elderly loved one to see if he or she is doing well physically and psycho- logically. If appropriate, a nurse conducts an evaluation to help identify care needs. Emeritus then connects the senior and family with the proper resources and services to provide assistance. "We may bring a hot meal, snack or dessert, and we also offer a listening ear and companionship," Becker said. "Afterwards, if needed, we coordinate between families and community resources. We may also follow up with addi- tional visits. All of what we do through the Home Visit Pro- gram is complimentary." Lassen House decided to expand the Home Visit Pro- gram during the holiday season because of the increased likelihood of depression among the elderly at this time of year. "About 20 percent of seniors suffer from full-blown depression or a less severe form of the condition and the holiday season can be particularly difficult," Becker said. Memories of happier holidays earlier in life can trigger depression. The loss of a spouse or close friends, physical distance from family, diminished physical capacity and health may be felt more keenly at this time. "But most seniors know little about depression and they are unlikely to seek professional help for it," Becker said. Lassen House is at 705 Luther Road in Red Bluff. It offers assisted living, and provides care for those with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and other memory-impairing dis- eases through its Join Their Journey program. HURRY… Don't be left out!