Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/9233
Friday, April 16, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Touchy in-law keeps me from family Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for 14 years. He is one of five boys, all of whom are mar- ried with children. Nine years ago, I did something that offended my sister-in- law, ‘‘Tonya.’’ My husband and I immediately took Tonya and her husband out to dinner and apologized. She seemed to accept the apology, but ever since, things have gone downhill. We were once a close Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar family, but now, whenever a gather- ing is held at Tonya’s house, we are not invited. We attend get-togethers at other relatives’ homes, but the tension is obvious. Afterward, I inevitably hear from someone in the family that Tonya or her husband was offended by something I did or didn’t do. I no longer feel comfortable going to these gatherings. I attend for my husband’s sake, but last year I refused to go to the annual Christ- mas vacation where we stay in a cabin together for a week, even though it would have been great for my children. The rest of the family says noth- ing to Tonya because they don’t want to get involved. It hurts that no one will stand up for me, though they all agree I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. We have a family reunion this summer, and I don’t want to go. I would worry the entire time about offending Tonya. My husband will support my decision to stay home. Any advice? — The Family Thorn Dear Thorn: Your hus- band should put an end to this immediately. He should point out to his family that they are already involved because Tonya has fractured the family and it’s likely that, over time, the grand- children will be estranged. Your husband also should intercede with his brother. Tonya has been punishing you for nine years and rev- els in the fact that she has succeeded in marginalizing you. Don’t let her do it. Attend all family gatherings, put a big smile on your face, and be especially gra- cious to Tonya. She will be offend- ed no matter what you do, so let her stew and stop being her victim. Dear Annie: I went to the doctor for a checkup, and he asked me whether any of my friends use drugs. I told him they didn’t, but said some kids I know smoke behind the school wall. The next week, people at school started say- ing I was a snitch, because the doc- tor told the parents of these kids. My entire high school goes to the same doctor. I want to sue the doctor for breach of patient privilege. I think he had no right to give my name to people, but my mother says I have no right to sue. Am I wrong? My mother says if I sue him I will look bad. — N.Y. Dear N.Y.: Doctors are allowed to ask teens about sex and drug use, and in most instances, if illegal or dangerous activity is going on, they are permitted to notify the authori- ties. However, the doctor should not have disclosed your name as the source of the information. This was irresponsible and could have put you in jeopardy. Also, your experi- ence will discourage other teens from confiding in him. Your parents should make sure he understands the negative impact of his actions. Dear Annie: Your response that a man should remove his hat at the dinner table is ridiculous. You state that the exceptions are illness and religious reasons. How would anyone know why the guy is wearing a hat? Besides, I think it’s sexist that a man has to remove his hat, whereas it’s OK for a woman to keep hers on. This cus- tom originated with medieval knights, and it’s outdated. How can a piece of cloth be offensive? Cleanliness and good table man- ners are the only important things. People should mind their own busi- ness. — N.H. Cabin Fever Dear Cabin: The reader asked what the rules of etiquette are, and we told him. If you prefer to keep your cap on, no one will snatch it off your head. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Candidates for the June 8 primary ballot Tehama County Clerk & Recorder Beverly Ross announces the qualified candidates for the Statewide Direct Primary Election to be held on Tuesday, June 8, for local county offices. The following countywide offices will appear on the June primary ballot in contested races: District Attorney — Gregg Cohen (I) and Kenneth A. “Ken” Miller; Sheriff-Coroner — Dave Hencratt and Clay D. Parker (I); Superior Court Judge, Office 1 — Lisa A. Muto and Jonathan Skillman; Superior Court Judge, Office 2 — Todd Bottke and William Murphy; Supervisor, District 3 — Melvin “Mel” Freimuth and Dennis Garton. The following countywide offices will appear on the June primary ballot in uncontested races: Assessor — Dale Stroud; Auditor-Controller — LeRoy M. Anderson; Clerk & Recorder — Beverly "Bev" Ross; Superintendent of Schools — Larry Cham- pion; Supervisor, District 4 — Robert A. "Bob" Williams and Treasurer-Tax Collector — Dana L. Hollmer. The list of qualified candidates is available at www.co.tehama.ca.us. For more information call the Tehama County Elections Department at 527-8190 or toll free (866) 289-5307. The Board of Directors of the Sacramento River Discovery Center wish to extend a heartfelt thank you to all those that sup- ported the Night of Dis- covery by their attendance or their generous dona- tions. The auctioned items donated by Coffman Con- struction, Russ James, Tom Amundson, Joe Pick- le’s restaurant, Ben Hugh- es, the Cramer family and Alsco Irrigation will all be enjoyed by the winners. The evening’s enter- tainment was created by Joey Gomez, a Red Bluff High School natural resource intern, who showed through pho- tographs the various activ- ities that have been occur- ring at the SRDC since the 2009 celebration. The special feature of the photographs was the construction of the green- house that started with 1000 pounds of pieces and resulted in a 18’x30’ building, all thanks to a grant from the Louisiana Pacific Foundation. Sixteen attendees went SRDC thanks sponsors, plans next event Upcoming... What:Watershed Celebration When: Saturday, May 8 Where: Sacramento River Discovery Center How much: Free home with raffle prizes donated by area mer- chants including a number of wine baskets with bot- tles of the Manton Winer- ies including: Shasta Daisy, Ringtail, Alger and Indian Peak. The Red Bluff merchants including Heartfelt Design, Plum Crazy, Tommy K’s yogurt, Butte Community Bank and the Spa Downstairs helped make those atten- dees happy. Sevillano Links and Rolling Hills added their special treat to the awards. At the end of the evening the beautiful door prize donated by Katie Gleim, of House of Design fame, was award- ed to Dan Smith, a long time supporter of the SRDC. Everyone enjoyed the buffet created by the staff of Rolling Hills Casino’s Carlino’s Event Center. The adults of the SRDC especially want to thank the youthful members who were so helpful in creating the special evening: Amanda McCh- esney, Ali Reno and Joey Gomez. The next major event for the SRDC will be the annual Watershed Cele- bration that takes place on May 8. The day will begin National Helathcare Decisions Day DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a reg- istered nurse. My local hospital has been gearing up for this year’s National Healthcare Deci- sions Day. This is the second annual and is still very new. I am writing in the hopes that you will print something in your column to help get the word out about this important issue. You can also refer interest- ed individuals to the National Healthcare Deci- sions Day website at www.NationalHealthcare- DecisionsDay.org. Please let all your readers know of the importance of advance directives. Thank you. DEAR READER: My local hospital is also gear- ing up for this event (as I imagine many hospitals around the United States are), so consider it done. As you have said, National Healthcare Decisions Day (April 16) is a time to rec- ognize and acknowledge the importance of having advance directives in case of medical emergencies, terminal illness or perma- nent disability. These types of documentation include living wills, do-not-resus- citate (DNR) orders and a durable power of attorney (DPA). The directives state the wishes of the individ- ual while still living in regards to what medical procedures they wish to have performed, who can make decisions regarding treatment, and whether they wish to undergo hero- ic measures to restore life should they be unable to make those decisions themselves at the time. A durable power of Dr. Peter Gott it is important that you obtain a form from your physi- cian or state agency to ensure that it will be rec- ognized within your home state. At this point, I should mention that living wills and DPAs are legal in most states but not all. It is, therefore, important to also notify your loved ones and physicians of your wishes so that they may keep your wishes and best interests in mind should a situation arise in which you cannot speak for yourself. The final advance direc- with the annual 5K-10K Walk-Run at 8 a.m. start- ing and ending at the Salmon Viewing Plaza parking lot. Then from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. the Watershed Cele- bration will take place under the “old Oak Tree.” This will include the spring plant sale and lots of free activities for the whole family. For more information about activities at the SRDC including the Sum- mer Day camp program contact the Center at 527- 1196 or e-mail Carlene Cramer, Center manager at ccramer@tehama.k12.ca. us. The Center is open to the public 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., Tuesday through Saturday and is located at 1000 Sale Lane, within the Mendocino National Forest’s Red Bluff Recre- ation Area. Michele D. Martin D.P.M. • Ingrown Toenails • Heel Pain • Bunions • Foot Pain Now accepting new patients Most insurances accepted 2430 Sister Mary Columba Drive, Red Bluff, 530.527.2523 Hrs: 9am-6pm Monday-Saturday Dr. Andrew PomazalD.O. Physician & Surgeon General Medicine Saturday Appointments Available • High Blood Pressure • Diabetes • Joint & Muscle Pain • Lung Problems We offer Osteopathic Manipulation 530 528-2066 2050 Main St, Red Bluff Accepting New Patients Old Fashioned Hot Dogs Choice Top Sirloin $ $ Plain or Marinated Fresh Chicken 1/4 $ 399 499 189 Now Accepting E.B.T., Debit, Credit Cards lb. lb. lb. CHECK OUT OUR IMPROVED SPICE RACK HONEY • SPICES • RUBS • MARINADES 12600 Hwy 99E, Red Bluff Located 5 Miles from I-5 • 530-527-6483 Expires 4-27-10 attorney is the appointment of a person or persons that the individual trusts fully to make important medical decisions regarding treat- ment under specific cir- cumstances. This comes into play only should the patient be unconscious or otherwise incapacitated and unable to express his or her wishes. DPAs are often considered more use- ful than a living will, but many peopole have both as a means to ensure their wishes are carried out. A living will is a written legal document, signed, witnessed, and generally notarized. Each state has different requirements, so Jack the Ribber • Ribs •Tri-Tip • Pulled Pork • Specials Mon.-Fri. 11am-8pm Sat. 5-9pm 1150 Monroe St. 527-6108 Celebrate A Red Bluff Tradition GO TO THE ROUND-UP And Plant Your Garden on Rodeo Weekend. We’ll have OVER 40 TOMATO VARIETIES Ready to Plant Garden Center Red Bluff 766 Antelope Blvd. (Next to the Fairground) 527-0886 Now Available Organic & Heirloom Spring Vegetable Plants 1 1/2 miles South of Red Bluff 12645 Hwy 99E (530) 529-2546 tive is known as a DNR order recognized by all physicians and hospitals in the United States. The directive expresses an indi- vidual’s wishes not to have heroic measures taken, such as CPR, in the event that the heart stops beating or breathing stops. Everyone should have at least a living will or DPA, if not both. A DNR is more appropriate for the elderly and those with a terminal illness or perma- nent disability that does not allow for a good quali- ty of life. Anyone interested in learning more about these documents should speak with his or her physician, lawyer or go online to the website you mentioned. There are also several web- sites where forms can be downloaded. It is impor- tant to ensure that if you decide to download the forms, you choose the type legal in your state. You may wish to check with your state website to see if it has forms available. In this way, you are sure to get the appropriate version. Thank you for writing to help get the word out about National Healthcare Decisions Day. As I said before, advance directions are important documents for every adult. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com.