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2B Daily News – Tuesday, October 2, 2012 FEATURES Estranged daughter out of father's will year-old father with three grown daughters. I have a substantial amount listed in my will, which originally was to be equally divided. A year ago, my youngest daughter and I had a falling out. I said something that irritated her, and she said I am not allowed to bring up that subject again. I replied, "Don't tell me what I can talk about. If you don't like what I say, don't call,'' and I hung up. She took that literally, and even though I made numerous attempts to reinstate myself into her life, I was rebuffed. Dear Annie: I am an 88- I recently had major surgery. My daughter neither called nor visited. But her husband sent several emails blaming me for the estrangement, saying I should have apologized and what he really thought of me. Frankly, if my daughter had simply acted like nothing happened, it would have been over. Considering how I've always helped her finan- cially, you'd think she would have cut me some slack. Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar and if my daughter behaves better, I'm happy to reinstate her. But right now, I'm still angry and hurt by her intol- erable treatment. Even if this gets resolved, I doubt I will ever feel the same toward either of them, and time is running out. — S.W. in Cal- ifornia When my daughter made no attempt to end this hostility after six months, I had my attorney remove her as an heir to my estate. I have since learned that my son-in-law is quite upset about this. I think he's been very instrumental in influenc- ing my daughter's behavior. I also believe the only reason he was ever pleasant to me was to ensure my daughter's inheritance. Wills can always be changed, are behaving terribly. However, your age doesn't absolve you of everything. A good first step toward reconciliation is to apologize for hanging up on her instead of think- ing she should treat it as if "nothing happened.'' We hope she will accept this and allow the relationship to mend. We suggest asking one of her sisters to act as an intermediary. If she refuses to budge, however, there is nothing more you can do. Dear Annie: My entire family attended my cousin's wedding in another state. One of my children flew in with his wife and two kids, and the others drove a long distance to attend. The wedding was quite elegant, and we had a nice time. We each sent lovely gifts that we spent a great deal of time selecting. After two months, we each Dear S.W.: Somehow, this altercation has devel- oped into an argument about money. We agree that your daughter and her husband received a generic preprinted thank- you note that didn't mention the gifts specifically or say anything about using them. The notes weren't even signed. What do you think of this ''new'' way of writing thank-you notes? I am so disappointed in my cousin. I hope the bridal couple sees this. — Disheartened Michigander Dear Michigander: We hope the preprinted note was not the actu- al thank-you note, but just a place- holder letting you know the gift arrived and they will thank you properly later. Dear Annie: After reading numerous stories of married cou- ples saying the passion has left their marriages, I had to put in my two cents' worth. Palliative care not same as hospice TOR K: My moth- er was recently diagnosed with cancer. I told her to look into pallia- tive care, but she insists that's for patients who have given up. DEAR DOC- My husband and I have been married for 28 years. I, too, felt that we were in a rut. A couple of months ago, I texted a topless photo of myself to my husband while he was at work. That night, we had the most ''fun'' we've had in years. Now I keep the pictures coming on a random basis, gradu- ally increasing the raciness. This one little step has been a lifesaver for our marriage. — Somewhere in Virginia Dear Virginia: As long as no one else uses that phone and those photos don't go viral, we're all in favor of using whatever spice helps. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Flood and water board seeks members The Tehama County Flood Control and Water Conservation District Board is soliciting inter- ested individuals to serve as their representative on the Northern Sacramento Valley Integrated Regional Water Manage- ment (NSVIRWM) Tech- nical Advisory Commit- tee (TAC) as a "landown- er" appointment due to the untimely resignation of the previous appointee. The NSVIRWM area includes all of Butte, Colusa, Glenn, Sutter and Tehama Counties and a portion of Shasta County. landowners and county- level staff representatives from each of the six counties that were appointed by each coun- ty's Board of Supervi- The TAC includes sors. The TAC also includes one representa- tive from the State Department of Water Resources (DWR), one representative from the Northern California Water Association (NCWA), and three "at- large" public interest representatives from within the region. at-large appointments were made by the NSVIRWM Board. Public interest repre- sentation may include, but not be necessarily limited to: agricultural water use, environmental resources, recreation, domestic well use, municipal well use or tribal interests. NSVIRWM Board members are excluded from serving on the TAC. The TAC is a working group that advises the The Board and acts as staff to the Board. The Board directs the activities of the TAC. TAC will be reconsid- ered every two years or as positions are vacated. The initial two-year peri- od coincides with the development of the Inte- grated Regional Water Management Plan for the NSV, which begin in July 2011. The TAC meets monthly and charged with the task of develop- ing the IRWM Plan that is due for completion by September 2013. Individuals wishing to be considered for the Tehama County landowner appointment shall reside the county and be prepared to travel within the region for TAC meetings. Candi- dates will need to com- Appointments to the mit to serving on the TAC for two years and have a general under- standing of water resources and of the NSV region. individuals should sub- mit a resume and cover letter (three pages maxi- mum) explaining the facet of public interest they wish to represent and why they should be selected to serve on the TAC. Interested Hard copies or elec- tronic submittals of interest shall be sent to Gary Antone, executive director, by 5 p.m. Nov. 1 to: P.L.S.; Tehama County Flood Control & Water Conservation District; 9380 San Benito Ave.; Gerber, CA 96035 or via e-mail to red@tcpw.ca.gov. Gary Antone, P.E., Hospice is for people who are expected to live for only a short time and who have stopped treat- ment to prolong life. Pal- liative care is medical care that aims to improve a person's quality of life during any serious illness, fatal or not. DEAR READ- ER: It sounds like your mother may be confusing palliative care with hospice care. It's a common mistake. Hos- pice and palliative care are often talked about as if they are the same thing, but they're not. palliative care at any stage of his or her illness. In fact, many people could benefit from palliative care starting soon after diagnosis of a serious ill- ness. A person can receive Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. Comfort is the main goal of palliative care. As a result, identifying and managing pain is a priori- ty. Painkillers are often necessary. Pain by itself can be extremely debilitat- ing; left untreated, it can suppress the immune sys- tem and cause depression. Palliative care also addresses other types of physical discomfort — for example, shortness of breath, fatigue and insom- nia. Constipation can be a major problem. In fact, since it's a common side effect of certain painkillers, successful treatment of pain may require treatments for constipation. Cancer patients receiving chemotherapy frequently need help with control of nausea and vomiting. Psychological and social services, for patients and their care- givers, also are included in palliative care. Even if patients remain even- keeled and don't need I recall a patient of mine in her 60s who had cancer. There was little hope she would be alive in five years, and she knew it. She could no longer continue to work. Her financial future was now clouded (she was paying down major personal and family debts). She didn't understand the insurance policies her late husband had purchased. Finally, she knew it was likely that within a year she was going to need lots of help at home — to buy gro- ceries, to cook, to clean. She told me: "We all If someone is seriously ill, there are often practical issues he or she may need to contend with: financial pressures, insurance dis- cussions, home support services, coordinating doctors' appointments, dealing with bureaucratic red tape and arranging transportation. psychological support, they may well need advice and clear informa- tion. Palliative care specialists can help patients set realistic goals and make treat- ment choices. have to die, and the minute I knew the diag- nosis I realized I was likely to die a lot younger than I'd hoped. But I was resigned to that, not scared by it. What terrified me was the feeling that my life was going to fall apart in the months or years I had left. Palliative care has prevented my night- mares." I hope you can per- suade your mother to take a second look at palliative care. It could make a real difference in her quality of life. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. $109 Per Month No early cancellation, non-refundable Blinds Need Blinds? 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