Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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The Thing in the Attic by PITT DICKEY Let us recall some dialogue from the classic movie, The Shining. It's greatest scene occurs when the cook, Dick Hallorann, has a conversation with Little Danny about the Overlook Hotel's colorful past. Hallorann: "When something happens, it can leave a trace of itself behind. Say like, if someone burns toast ... I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular hotel over the years ... and not all of them was good." Danny: "You're scared of Room 237, ain't ya?" Hallorann: "There ain't nothin' in Room 237. But you ain't got no business goin' in there anyway. So stay out! You understand? Stay out!" A lot of things happened in the Blue Ridge Mountains over the years and not all of them was good. We were at Walnut Knob, Va., at the mountain house recently and woke up about 2 a.m. to noises in the attic above us. The attic is a closed off area next to the upstairs bedrooms. There was something moving upstairs. Maybe it was a Wendigo. According to Wikipedia, a Wendigo is a north woods being that is "a malevolent cannibalistic spirit that can possess humans or a monster humans physically transform into." Suddenly awake, I wondered, "How much is that Wendigo in the attic?" I remembered Mr. Hallorann's admonition as I heard the pitter patter of little feet above our heads. We are used to the occasional mouse. I have learned to coexist by leaving a parting gift of D-Con rodent bait out for Mickey and his friends when we leave the cozy confi nes of the mountain to return to the fl atlands. On this particular Saturday night, Mickey was gone. He had been evicted by something much larger and louder. The attic space became Room 237. Something was there. Whatever was in the attic was shoving furniture around to begin marathon race training. The foot steps were loud and fast, running from one end of the attic to the other. Soon we realized there was a party going on upstairs. Whatever was up there had invited its friends. They started playing bongos and were obviously drinking. I lay there in bed hoping they would either stop running or I would fall Catman Struthers as Dick Hal- lorann in The Shining. yelled again. Furniture crashed and lots of little feet scampered away. Silence reigned. Temporary victory was mine. Stewie Griffi n would be proud. In the light of Sunday morning coming down, I realized I had been wrong about what had been in Room 237. It wasn't a Wendigo. It wasn't even mountain critters having a hoedown in the attic. It was something even scarier than a Wendigo but less cute than a raccoon. It was Mitt Romney up in the attic running back and forth searching for his core beliefs. He couldn't fi nd them anywhere so he was looking in our attic. Poor Mittens' campaign has been in a recent death spiral. He is down in the polls. Conservatives are fussing at him for his confused campaign. Virginia is a swing state. It was only natural for him to be in our attic trying desperately to fi nd out what his political positions were that week. It's hard to fi nd what you truly believe in a dark attic. I realized that we were a focus group for him. He was trying out on us his new positions on abortion, foreign affairs, Romney care and tax cuts for the wealthy. I felt honored. I saved the Romney/Ryan button I found in the attic. asleep. I did neither. The words of Mick Jagger's song, "Get Off My Cloud" fl oated into my head. "It's 3 a.m., there's too much noise/ Don't you people ever wanna go to bed?/ Just cause you feel so good, do you have to drive me out of my head?" I fi nally got up and read a day old New York Times. The things in Room 237 couldn't fi nd a babysitter and now brought in their kids. I started hearing little voices squeaking from on high. Our slightly deaf wonder dachshund, Nico, slept through the entire performance. I sat there surrounded by the moonless black night of the Blue Ridge mountains while the noises got louder. I hoped that the activity in Room 237 was Rocky Raccoon partying down with his woodland buddies. But it might be a Wendigo. I took Dick Hallorann's advice and stayed out of Room 237. I wasn't sure what was in there. The middle of the night was not when I wanted to fi nd out. Ultimately I hit on a fairly simple solution born of insomnia. I started yelling at the things in Room 237. I yelled loudly. Suddenly the partying stopped. I Thank You Fayetteville for voting FAYETTEVILLE CHILDREN'S CLINIC, P.A. Dr. William Kelly Best Pediatrician T Call today for an appointment! Niveen Y. Iskander, M.D. Horace R. Long, M.D. William H. Kelly, M.D. 910-484-3121 1606 Morganton Rd. www.faychildrensclinic.com Fayetteville, NC 28305 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM www.usafl ooringnc.com Thank You for Voting Us the Best Flooring Company 4118 Raeford Rd. • Fayetteville 910.484.4835 SEPT. 26 - OCT. 2, 2012 UCW 7 • Hardwoods • Bamboo & Cork • Laminate • Carpet • Custom Rugs • Luxury Vinyl Tile • Sheet Vinyl • Ceramic Tile • Stone & Marble Tile